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by Maureen Lynas
One of the great things about attending a crit group is realising that you and other writers have ‘tics’ in common. By helping to identify them together you can help each other to remove them and improve your writing.
Here are two tics that came up during our latest crit session.
Metaphors and similes.
Simile: a figure of speech involving the comparison of one thing with another thing of a different kind, used to make a description more emphatic or vivid.
Beware the cliché - as brave as a lion
Beware The Blackadder Syndrome - This place stinks like a pair of armoured trousers after the Hundred Years War – unless you are Ben Elton, Richard Curtis or another genius of comedy.
Metaphor: a figure of speech in which a word or phrase is applied to an object or action to which it is not literally applicable.
Beware the cliché - A blanket of snow
Beware The Blackadder Syndrome - The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the devil's own satanic herd. - See above on who is allowed to be this ridiculous.
Used appropriately similes and metaphors are wonderful tools. They aid the readers' understanding of complex issues, they create images that bring immediately clarity to the work, they make us laugh.
BUT
Used inappropriately – wrong image/sound/feeling, too intense, too complicated etc they jolt the reader out of the story as the reader attempts to work out what the author means. A reader might even start to have an adverse reaction to the metaphors and similes
e.g.
Author - Princess Penelope’s stomach gurgled like a blocked drain.
Reader – No it didn’t. I’ve heard my stomach and it has never, ever sounded like a blocked drain.
Actually, having written that, I’ve just thought how funny it would be to write a story about a princess who DOES have a stomach that gurgles like a blocked drain. So, perhaps you should make up a better bad simile for yourself.
Some editorial suggestions for those who love to use metaphor and simile.
- Check the appropriateness – is it right for the situation/genre/age group?
- Check the word choice - Am I being inappropriately poetical? Does the tone of the metaphor match the tone of the work?
- Check the logic - Read it as a critical reader and say ‘Really? Does it? Is it? What the hell do I mean by it?
- Check the image. What image have I created? Is that the image I want?
- Check the intensity - is it right for the emotion I want the reader to have at this point in the scene?
- Check you’re not trying to be too clever – am I bringing clarity to the text or am I confusing the reader.
- Check the frequency of metaphors and similes in some mentor texts (books from the same genre, age group etc that you think reflect what you want to achieve). I analysed a few YA books, just the first chapter.
Neil Gaimen’s Neverwhere - 2 similes (both together in one description)
Malorie Blackman’s Noughts and Crosses – 0
Phillip Pullman’s Northern Lights – 1 metaphor
Hm. Interestingly sparse.
Next tic – Inappropriate Mystery and Atmosphere
Sometimes writers bury their hooks and protagonists in false atmosphere and mystery. I think they do this to intrigue the reader but it leads to confusion. And there is a fine balance between intrigued, puzzled, and totally confused.
If this is your writer’s tic you will have put your protagonist into a scenario that’s normal to him/her and then added a mysterious or scary atmosphere hoping that this mysterious tone will hook the reader. If you’ve done this then you will have created a confused reader when it becomes clear that the protagonist is not in a Hammer Horror.
e.g.
Dave the gravedigger paused in the shadow of the ancient gravestone. His spine tingled. Was this the right place? The right time. He looked around. Listened to the beat of his heart amongst the silent dead. The sun was going down. He wouldn’t be seen now. He dropped to his knees and flipped open his bag. His stomach growled like a stomach that was ready to digest a rotting corpse of putrefaction and pus. (Oops - The Blackadder Syndrome!) He surveyed the contents of the bag. ‘Oh bugger it,’ he swore. His flask of tea had leaked. His butties were soggy. His lunchbreak was ruined.
Cemeteries aren’t spooky to those who work in them every day. Don’t write mysteriously because you’re writing a mystery. If it isn’t mysterious to the protagonist don’t make it mysterious to the reader. Be clear. The reader should see, hear, know and feel what the protagonist sees, hears, knows and feels.
If this is your tic ask yourself -
- What is my protagonist seeing and hearing?
- What emotion is my protagonist experiencing?
- How have I transferred that into the head of my reader?
- Have I been honest with my reader?
I could go on with more tics, in fact I may do that over the next few posts. Meanwhile, if you want to identify your own tics you could start with How Not To Write a Novel by Howard Mittelmark and Sandra Newman: 200 mistakes to avoid at all costs if you ever want to get published. It's an excellent checklist.
By:
Carmela Martino and 5 other authors,
on 4/4/2014
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Howdy Campers ~ Happy Poetry Month! Happy Poetry Friday! And...
Happy 5th Blogiversary to us!
Details of our Book Bundles Giveaway below
On April 22, 2009, powered by the
dazzlingly bright solar power of Carmela Martino, we started this blog.
Five years--what a fabulous ride it's been!
Five candles. And when there are candles, someone makes a wish and blows them out. So you could say that this image represents the six active
TeachingAuthors. (We're celebrating
all TeachingAuthors who have been part of our blog biography.)
Campers, thank you from the bottom of our candles for reading, following, commenting and encouraging us. You're why we do this. You're why I'm terrified everytime a post is due. We want to add something meaningful
and merry to the party! In celebration of
You, this month's drawing is for one of FIVE "blogiversary book bundles." Each bundle is a set of five books hand-selected by a
TeachingAuthor and contains at least one autographed TA book. Yay You! (Details below.)
* * *
This month, inspired by the Chicago Favorite Poem Project, each of us will share a favorite poem. One of mine is "Liberty" by
Janet Wong, from her book,
The Declaration of Interdependence--Poems for an Election Year and also included in Caroline Kennedy's
Poems to Learn by Heart) read (and reproduced below) with Janet's kind permission:
LIBERTY by Janet Wong from DECLARATION OF INTERDEPENDENCE – Poems for an Election Year
I pledge acceptanceof the viewsso different,that make us America
To listen, to look,to think, and to learn
One peoplesharing the earthresponsiblefor libertyand justicefor all.Wow, right? So much substance packed into 12 lines.
* * *
This month is overflowing with poetry! Three TeachingAuthors are celebrating in three ways:
Also, Sylvia Vardell's Texas Women University students chose poems from the
The Poetry Friday Anthology for Science: Poems for the School Year Integrating Science, Reading, and Language Arts and have made "poem movies" of them. They'll appear on
Sylvia's blog all this month. My poem "Old Water" will be featured on April 6.
And thank you, Amy, of
The Poem Farm, for hosting Poetry Friday today!
* * *
By now you're asking: "How can I enter to win a Book Bundle?
Our giveaway starts at midnight on Friday, 4/3 and ends at midnight of the day after our blogiversary, 4/23.
--You have a chance to win one of FIVE "blogiversary book bundles." Each bundle is a set of five books hand-selected by a TeachingAuthor and contains at least one autographed TA book.
--Books will be mailed directly to the winner, so winners must have a US mailing address.
--You have 3 entry options, and can enter via 1, 2, or all 3 options to increase their chances. (We DO verify that you've met all the criteria for each option. Incomplete entries will be disqualified.)
1) Tell us how you follow the blog (by "follow" we mean some sort of automated subscription service, such as via email, Facebook, Bloglovin', etc.) We have links in the sidebar to make it easy to start subscribing if you haven't already.
2) Leave a comment on THIS blog post. If you have difficulty commenting, you can submit comments via email to teachingauthors [at] gmail [dot] com. For this giveaway, you need to include in the comment either a) the title of a favorite poem OR b) the title of a favorite
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Please be also sure to include your name in the comment so we can verify you've fulfilled this option. [Some folks don't comment with their real name and we have no way of knowing who they are!]
3) Help spread the word. Share a link back to this blog post from your own blog, or from Twitter, Pinterest, or any other way we can verify online. You must include the URL of the link in the space provided.
And good luck!
a Rafflecopter giveaway posted with love by April Halprin Wayland. Monkey's on vacation.
By: Kathy Temean,
on 6/27/2011
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Last week we talked about a few poetic tools you could use while writing. Here are a few more:
METAPHOR:
This is when a writer says one thing, but actually is saying something else. Floyd Cooper speaks in metaphor in Coming Home: From the Life of Langston Hughes when he calls a train the old iron snake.
SIMILE:
Here the writer compares one thing to another with the word like or as. Example: I was as mad as the bumblebee Ferdinand sat on. My friend Eileen Spinelli is great at using similes. Here’s one from Something to Tell the Grandcows. Emmadine has travel to the South Pole and “Her teeth chattered like spoons.” Or how about this one from Rupa Raises the Sun by Marsha Wilson Chall, “the sun broke across the sky like an egg yolk.”
Ann Whitford Paul says in Writing Picture Books, “We write in metaphor and simile to give the reader a visual image instead of a plain description. ” Metaphors and Similes cut down on the words that would be necessary to describe what we want to say. This is a great tool for the picture book writer, especially, because editors are wanting shorter and shorter picture books. This is what Ann does when she want to create a unique, visual, and tone-perfect Metaphor or simile. She numbers a piece of paper from 1 to 10 and then she free associates until she has 10 possibilities. If she doesn’t like any of them, she continues 11 to 20 and keeps going until she creates one that seems perfect. Do I hear a few groans?
PERSONIFICATION:
With this tool we give human characteristics to something that is not human. If I say, “The book held me in its grasp all the way to the last page.” Everyone knows what I mean, even though books do not have arms. How about? “The icy finger of winter slipped down my shirt.” Winter doesn’t have fingers.
Want to try your hand at identifying the metaphors, similes and personifications below?
1. The moon is a bowl of breakfast cereal.
2. I ran, but danger ran faster.
3. Ryan didn’t want to go to Katie’s party, so he moved slow as a snail.
4. Jacob felt like a rabbit caught in a trap.
5. The tree is our umbrella, keeping us dry from the rain.
6. The quilt spoke stories of love and loss.
ANSWERS: 1. Metaphor 2. Personification 3. Simile 4. Simile 5. Metaphor 6. Personification
HOMEWORK: Now pull out that same manuscript from last week and read it through again. Did you use any of theses techniques? Do you see a place where you could use one of these tools to make your story more interesting or maybe even cut out a few words or lines? Give it a try. What do you have to lose?
Talk tomorrow,
Kathy
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Crafty metaphor is a sly fox,
hiding in plain sight.
Simple simile is as easy as 1, 2, 3,
as obvious as your nose on your face.
Idioms run around
like chickens with their heads cut off,
get down to brass tacks, and
hit the hay when they get tired.
©Mary Lee Hahn, 2011
x
Howdy to all February Picture Book Marathoners, you can do it, you can do it--you can, you can!
Similes. Metaphors. You know them well.
Similes compare two unlike objects using "like" or "as": That dog is like a lump of clay--he never chases balls.
Metaphors, in contrast, don't: That dog, a lump of clay, never chases balls. Or simply, That lump of clay never chases balls.
Eli being a lump of clay.
"Metaphor" sounds like someone saying, "May the Force," doesn't it? (It does if you tilt your head sideways and sing LALALA really loudly...) Their force, their power can create vivid images in our minds.
When I was writing
It's Not My Turn To Look For Grandma!, my editor asked me to clarify that the story starts at sunrise and ends at sundown. I had no idea how to communicate this without being
too wordy or clunkily obvious. I was actually pretty frightened.
I flailed about. My flailing is not pretty. Want to see what it looks like close up? This Monday I had a boatload of writing to do in the afternoon. But first I had to have lunch--I mean, c'mon. Since I was a little lost and didn't quite know how to start any of the projects looming over me, another helping of veggies and rice seemed like a jolly good idea and oh, that left-over clam chowder sure looked yummy.
After my large lunch, the flailing continued. I had a poem due and no ideas. None. Nada. I lead a pretty pathetic little life, I decided. Except for the dog park and the gym, I'd had no human contact. So I looked around my room. Eli was a lump of clay on the love seat--no help there.
I was too lazy to actually stand up and walk to my bookshelf (sometimes I'm inspired by the pattern or subject of other poems). There was a lemon next to my computer because I'd picked it from our tree and meant to drop it off in the kitchen but brought it into my office instead.
Not to make those of you shivering under snow jealous or anything, but this is our Meyer lemon tree righ
What makes you love your WIP? Is it the characters? The plot? The premise?
For me, it's a combination of the above, but it's also that indefinable magic that suddenly makes symbols and images appear in the writing without my knowledge, the overarching, structural metaphors and symbols that bring disparate elements together and illuminate what the story is about. Often I don't have any idea where they come from. Sometimes they are purely conscious. Either way, they form the connective web between the images, themes, characters, and settings. They're the unifying force that gives life to the work, and the surprise and delight I find when they work is a big part of what makes writing--and reading--fun.
As writers, we have a whole arsenal of tools we can use to deepen our work and engage readers on additional levels. Among other things, we use:
- establishing or anchoring images to set a scene.
- closing images to underscore tone or heighten emotion.
- symbols to build a wordless emotional vocabulary.
- figurative language to simplify explanation at the sentence or paragraph level.
- recurring symbols or echoes to draw attention to a theme.
- recurring images to underscore turning points, build emotional intensity, point to what characters are feeling or thinking, or make a characters voice unique.
Chaining or repeating symbols, metaphors, or images together can be one of the simplest and most powerful ways tie scenes or subplots together.
Symbols, imagery, and figurative language are usually simple to spot and identify, but there are so many different kinds it an be hard to remember that we have a much wider range of tools than we commonly use. Each type is unique, but each is an important in shaping our language, pages, scenes, chapters, and overall work.
- Establishing Shots: Usually discussed in reference to film or television, establishing shots work beautifully in written form to set up the context of a scene. In addition to providing the traditional elements of setting, they create the relationships between the characters and objects in the setting. You can build them through a quick, straight description at the beginning of your scene, but figuritive language or symbols can make them especially powerful. Think of every scene as a scene in a film, and provide an establishing shot for each.
- Anchoring Images: An image for your readers to visualize as they move through the scene. Judicious use of props and actions can link establishing shots and various anchor images within a scene to make it play out as visually as a film.
- Concluding Image: Underscores the emotional note of a scene and resonates with the reader longer. By using a powerful concluding image, you can say much less explicitly and achieve a greater payoff.
- Symbols: Derived from the Greek word for "throw together" symbols draw invisible comparisons to bring additional layers of meaning into your work. Angela Ackerman has a brilliant symbolism thesaurus on her blog, the bookshelf muse: http://thebookshelfmuse.blogspot.com/2010/02/new-symbolism-thesaurus.html.
- Similes: A type of figurative language that explicitely compares one things to another using the words 'like' or 'as.'
- Lips as red as roses
- Cheeks as white as snow
- Reeling her in like a fish on the line
- Simple Metaphors: At their most basic, metaphors use a handful of words to liken one thing to another without explicitly saying they are alike.
My Heart Is Like a Zoo by Michael Hall
Enter the zoo where each animal has a different emotion. The beaver is eager, the rabbit is frightened, the clam is cozy. There are animals here that children will recognize immediately and others that may be new to them. Nicely, the same is true of the emotions. Children will immediately understand angry, happy, and silly. However, they may need help with bothered, rugged and chatty. This is a book where emotions, art and vocabulary create a real chance to learn. At the same time, it is friendly, bright and simple.
Hall’s art is large, colorful and great fun. In this book, his animals are all built from hearts as you can see from the cover image. Some like the frog are a simple heart with legs while others are quite complex constructs like the walrus. The simplicity and graphical nature of Hall’s work really function well here. The book can be read as simply animals. Plus, it can be used to discuss emotions, and it would be a great platform for acting out emotions. It can also be used to talk about similes.
Ideal for Valentines Day, this book is simple enough for toddlers to enjoy but complex enough to share with older children too. The large images are perfect for classroom or group use. Appropriate for ages 2-5.
Reviewed from library copy.
Check out the great Book Trailer:
Also reviewed by:
She Is Too Fond of Books
Books for Kids
Creative Literacy
Shelf-Employed
Why blog, you may ask. Why now? The answer... because it's time for it. Blogs are the new pager, the new cell phone, the new email, the new information source, where amateurs and novices alike can learn, grow, and develop whatever craft makes their hearts pound and fills them with joy (and sometimes pain).
So what is this blog about? The title says it all. PenFlow is about writing for children (and reading). Mostly, writing. But can you really separate the two? I didn't think so. They go together like cheesy music and the dentist office. They simply belong together.
Note about similes:
Use them sparingly. And they better be good. They better be really good. But also keep in mind that children enjoy similes because they create an immediate and visual relationship between two things being compared. But if you overuse them, then your writing will most definitely be littered with obstacles that impede the reader's progress.
Remember, a young reader is mostly interested in what happens next to the protagonist (main character). Don't spend your time creating fluffy obstacles. If there are too many, they just get in the way. And also remember, similes shouldn't stick out, they should fold in nicely in your writing. If you notice a simile without really trying to notice it, then maybe you should scratch it or change it to something more subtle.
PenFlow covers anything and everything about writing for children. Including similes.
Welcome to PenFlow!
I love the weather we are having today. After several weeks of over 100 degree weather and high humidity, today it is 80 degrees with a nice wind from the East. It reminds me of summer days back in Michigan where I grew up on the Great Lakes...ah, sun, sand, swimming and sailing, there is just nothing like it!
A great way to stay cool is to eat ice cream. This week I made this Ice Cream Sandwich Dessert. I used two different toppings on the same recipe as some of my family like M & M's and some prefer Heath bars. It's great for entertaining and easy to make and I gaurantee the kids will love it and so will you!
Ice Cream Sandwich Dessert
1 Box ice cream sandwiches
1 large container Cool Whip Light
Chocolate Syrup
Caramel Syrup
Mini M & M's
Heath bar broken in bits
Layer the bottom of a square pyrex dish with the ice cream sandwiches. Cut to fit if necessary. Partially thaw Cool Whip and spread over the sandwich bars to about 1/2 to 1 inch thickness. Drizzle chocolate syrup, caramel syrup and sprinkle with mini M & M's and/or Heath bars. Now you can layer this twice (though you'll need more bars and Cool Whip) but if you are watching what you eat like me, you'll be satisfied with just a single layer. Freeze until time to serve.
I can promise you this won't last long~Enjoy!
by Maureen Lynas
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I am SUCH a fan (and user) of similes,metaphors and analogies, in general
Typically, the cliches enter my mind first, but I quickly push on to discover possibilities. I don’t do it the way Ann Whitford Paul does, actually making a list, but I go from one to the next and the next ’til I like what I’ve got.
Btw, this is at least the second time you’ve mentioned this book, Kathy, so it must be good!
“The icy finger of winter slipped down my shirt.” Great stuff
Thanks, Kathy!
Donna