What's the best way to create strong, believable characters?
http://www.yavengers.com/2014/02/the-trick-gods-tricks-to-introducing.html
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Blog: Just the Facts, Ma'am (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
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Blog: Darcy Pattison's Revision Notes (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: story, novel, word choice, first chapter, how to write, openings, Novel Revision, diction, Add a tag
Choosing the right set of words–the diction of your novel–is crucial, especially in the opening pages of your novel. Novels are a context for making choices, and within that context, some words make sense and some don’t.
A novel sets up a certain setting, time period, tone, mood and sensibilities and you must not violate this. If you are writing a gothic romance, the language must reflect this. For thrillers, the fast paced action demands a certain vocabulary. Violating these restrictions means a bump in the reader’s experience that may make them put down the book.
Let’s look at some examples. This is from my book, SAUCY AND BUBBA: A HANSEL AND GRETEL TALE.
Just from the title you know that this is a contemporary retelling of Hansel and Gretel and this sets up expectations for the language that will be used. This is a first look at Krissy, the stepmother.
Krissy was singing to herself. Gingerbread days were filled with music, too. Once a month, Krissy made a gingerbread house and took it into town to sell to the bakery for $200. The bakery displayed it in their picture window for a month, and then donated it to a day care. Each month, Krissy checked out a stack of architecture books and pored over them.
Let’s substitute a couple words and see if it bothers you as a reader:
Krissy was caterwauling to herself. Gingerbread days were crammed with music, too. Once a month, Krissy slapped together a gingerbread house and took it into town to peddle to the bakery for $200. The bakery displayed it in their picture window for a month, and then dumped it off at a day care. Each month, Krissy checked out a stack of architecture books and flipped through them.
I’ve been extreme here in word choice, of course. The key is to listen to your story. Where are the places where a single word might interrupt the narrative? Work hard to control your word choices and the overall diction of your story. And I’ll stay with you for the whole book.
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How to figure out where your story starts.
http://childrenspublishing.blogspot.com/2013/07/knowing-where-to-start-your-story-by.html
Blog: Just the Facts, Ma'am (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
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Literary agents weigh in on what they don't want to see on your first few pages.
http://writerunboxed.com/2013/04/22/april/
Blog: Just the Facts, Ma'am (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
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Your reader doesn't need to know everything about your characters and setting in the first few pages of your novel.
http://mysterywritingismurder.blogspot.com/2013/04/dont-be-information-dumper-guest-post.html
Blog: Just the Facts, Ma'am (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: openings, middle_grade, young_adult, Add a tag
What are some ways your book opening can go astray?
http://www.darcypattison.com/first-drafts/5-ways-first-pages-go-wrong/
Blog: Just the Facts, Ma'am (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
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Here are some way-to-common openings for your novel.
http://paranormalpointofview.blogspot.com/2013/03/things-that-are-overdone.html
Blog: Darcy Pattison's Revision Notes (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: humor, show don't tell, how to write, reader, openings, clementine, novel revision, Add a tag
I recently had the privilege of listening to Sara Pennypacker, author of the Clementine series of early-chapter books. Her books are widely recognized as a forte in capturing the reader and drawing them in. The opening scene of Book 1 has Clementine, a third grade dynamo, sitting in the principal’s office and a frequent comment is that the scene is hilarious (I’ve written about how well this scene orients the reader, too.)
But Pennypacker says she didn’t write it humorous. Rather, the reader wrote it funny. What does she mean?
Consider this line:
“Someone should tell you not to answer the phone in the principal’s office, if that’s a rule.”
It’s funny. You know from this line that Clementine has answered the principal’s phone line and it resulted in disaster. Even without details or without the usual “Tell-Don’t-Show,” it’s funny. But the humor is created in the reader’s mind, by your imagination.
The technique of leaving out the most dramatic part in favor of letting the reader create meaning is useful, especially in opening lines. The danger is when it’s used too often or if it is used as a lazy crutch or excuse for not Show-Don’t-Telling. In other words, most of the time, the important details should be shown, not told. But sometimes, leaving out details and letting the reader fill them in is OK. It’s effective in Clementine’s opening page because it fits Clementine’s voice as a naive character and because Pennypacker already gave the reader specific details: Hamburger Surprise at lunch, Margaret’s mother coming to get her and so on.
Also, while what is left out is not specific, it is absolutely clear. The reader is not confused by having something left out. Clarity rules.
Notice, though, that this introduction is swiftly followed by a conventional scene with a stricter adherence to the Show-Don’t-Tell maxim. Used too often, leaving out the most dramatic part would just confuse the reader.
Another place to leave out the most dramatic information is when you set up a new scene. The tendency is to provide a summary–that holdover from having to write a thesis statement, probably.
Consider:
Emily knocked on Bruce’s door. She just had to make it through his Christmas party.
Here, we’re told in a summary statement what the upcoming scene will entail, “making it through his Christmas party.” Instead, you could use a scene cut and let the reader experience the party for themselves.
Emily knocked on the door.
* * *
Emily wanted to plug her ears against the jazzed up Christmas carols that blasted above the crowd noise. She edged around the edge of the room toward the punch table, avoiding an elbow here and barely keeping a cowboy boot from stomping on her foot, hoping to find someone familiar.
Here, we are experiencing the party with Emily. Leaving out the summary statement about making it through the party strengthens the reader’s curiosity about what happens next. That’s the only thing we leave in question: what happens next? Don’t undercut this natural curiosity by summarizing the action before you present it. Time enough later for Emily to gripe to Joe about the lousy party.
Pennypacker had a hard task, to introduce a specific scene, to set up a voice, a character, a situation, and eventually a series of books about this endearing third grader. She succeeded by letting the reader participate in creating humor.
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To write a great opening, don't do these.
http://childrenspublishing.blogspot.com/2012/11/the-donts-of-great-openings-guest-post.html
Blog: Darcy Pattison's Revision Notes (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: character, characterization, setting, openings, novel revision, how to open a story, Add a tag
Goodreads Book Giveaway
Desert Baths
by Darcy Pattison
Giveaway ends November 10, 2012.
See the giveaway details at Goodreads.
How many times do I start a manuscript and think, “I am lost.”?
Too many.
One of the crucial goals of an opening scene is to orient the reader–quickly, efficiently.
Telling details. The story opens in a certain location and the writer must choose the right details to evoke the story’s setting. By setting, I mean the historical time period, the time of year (season or exact day), physical location and details of that setting, whether indoor or outdoors. And yet, that setting must be in the background of the scene, allowing the characters to come to life in context, but without the setting intruding on the action and slowing down the opening. It’s a tricky balance.
We call such details, the “telling details.” They are small things that evoke the setting, without bashing someone over the head with it.
One of my favorite early chapter books is Clementine by Sara Pennypacker. The first paragraph begins like this:
I have had not so good of a week.
Well, Monday was a pretty good day, if you don’t count Hamburger Surprise at lunch and Margaret’s mother coming to get her. Or the stuff that happened in the principal’s office when I got sent there to explain that Margaret’s hair was not my fault and besides she looks okay without it, but I couldn’t because Principal Rice was gone, trying to calm down Margaret’s mother.
Someone should tell you not to answer the phone in the principal’s office, if that’s a rule.
Immediately, we get a strong sense of character; Clementine is the sort of girl who gets in trouble and doesn’t always understand why she is in trouble. The setting is minimal, but clear: we are in a school setting, specifically, in the principal’s office. That’s enough. The setting is conveyed with humor, when Clementine answers the phone in the principal’s office.
Telling details include these: Hamburger Surprise, Margaret’s mother (we know the other main character right away), Principal Rice (a recurring character), and of course, the phone.
Put characters into motion within the setting.It’s not enough just to tell us where we are when the story opens. Stories move along better when you put the character into motion within the setting.
Economy of words. Pennypacker uses an economy of words, not taking the time to describe the school cafeteria or the principal’s office. She lets them stand as generic settings, except for the Hamburger Surprise and the phone. For this story, it’s enough.
Focus on moving the story forward. Instead of droning on with a long description of the principal’s office, the focus is on moving the story ahead. For this story, that means strong characterization because it is more of a character story than anything else.
For your story, decide what is the most important details in the opening setting, then move quickly into the action of the story. Try to use those Telling Details within the context of character movement or characterization.
The main goal? Don’t let the reader get lost. Give enough information to orient the reader to your story, but do it with an economy of words that gets the reader turning the pages. You need just enough information–and no more.
Blog: Just the Facts, Ma'am (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
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Five reasons why your opening scene is like a blind date.
http://childrenspublishing.blogspot.com/2012/08/5-reasons-why-your-opening-scene-is.html
Blog: Just the Facts, Ma'am (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
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What are some common things editors see in first pages?
http://chavelaque.blogspot.com/2012/08/some-lists-about-first-pages.html
Blog: Just the Facts, Ma'am (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
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Openings that might cause your manuscript to be rejected and how to fix them.
http://blog.janicehardy.com/2010/04/seven-deadly-sins-if-youre-first.html
Blog: Just the Facts, Ma'am (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
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Some hints to hook your reader right from the outset.
http://carolriggs.blogspot.com/2011/11/hook-first-line.html
Blog: Paranormal Point of View (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Hook, Openings, Add a tag
I've noticed something lately. Because there's been such an emphasis on writing an incredible-can't-put-it-down hook, writers have been going a little crazy with their openings. As in I'm going to start the book by having my MC take on Godzilla in the middle of Prom kind of opening. Um, okay maybe not that specific, but you get the idea.
- the right point for your book to start
- Important to the story (EVERY scene should be or you don't need it)
- showing me something about the MC that I can connect with
Blog: Adventures in YA Publishing (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Craft of Writing, Openings, Voice, Add a tag
We know we're supposed to show and not tell. As beginning writers, we hurl this advice at each other in critique groups and workshops with self-satisfied little smirks, happy to have learned something, anything, to help us improve our manuscripts. Rules are good, right? They give us structure in this magical world of fiction that inherently stretches the boundaries of our imagination.
But sometimes we use these rules as crutches, and rely on them until we forget the joy of walking on our own two feet.
Sometimes, we forget that writing is about expressing ourselves in ways that only we can speak.
Sometimes, we edit the joy and individuality and voice out of our manuscripts. We play it safe.
What is voice? Like pornography, we know it when we see it, but it's hard to define. And it's different for every writer and every book. Often it's easier to recognize when voice is missing than to identify what makes it unique when it is there. No matter how great the plot, how skillfully the writer shows us the action unfolding and the emotion being experienced, if a novel could have been written by anyone, do we love it as much as those books in which the voice speaks clearly enough to be heard?
Look at the following examples:
When the doorbell rings at three in the morning, it's never good news. (Anthony Horowitz, Stormbreaker)
Long ago, on the wild and windy isle of Berk, a smallish Viking with a longish name stood up to his ankles in snow. (Cressida Cowell, How to Train Your Dragon)
One afternoon, when Bruno came home from school, he was surprised to find Maria, the family’s maid — who always kept her head bowed and never looked up from the carpet — standing in his bedroom, pulling all his belongings out of the wardrobe and packing them in four large wooden crates, even the things he’d hidden at the back that belonged to him and were nobody else’s business. (John Boyne, The Boy in the Stripped Pajamas)
The best day of my life happened when I was five and almost died at Disney World. (Libba Bray, Going Bovine)
I'm dreaming of the boy in the tree and at the exact moment I'm about to hear the answer I've been waiting for, the flashlights yank me out of what could have been one of those moments of perfect clarity people talk about for the rest of their lives. (Melina Marchetta, Jellicoe Road)
You can hear the voice in every one of those opening sentences. The author isn't showing us action, they are telling us something only they or the characters could know.
For me, voice is telling. It's that indefinable quality of rhythm and sentence structure and elegance of expression that elevates writing above the ordinary. But to be true and genuine, voice also has to take us by the hand and lead us into the magical world of the character, or the narrator.
Not every book has voice. The great ones do. As Truman Capote put it, "the greatest pleasure of writing is not what it's about, but the music the words make." Michener, on the other hand, defined voice more broadly as "the swirl and swing of words as they tangle with human emotions."
What are your favorite defnitions or examples of voice? According to Patricia Lee Gauch, voice comes from within the writer. "A writer's voice like the stroke of an artists brush-is the thumbprint of her whole person-her idea, wit, humor, passions, rhythms." Do you have an example of voice from your own work? How do you define the indefinable?
Blog: Adventures in YA Publishing (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Craft of Writing, Openings, Add a tag
Marissa and I both read Brenna Yovanoff's brilliant novel, The Replacement, this week. Very unusually, for us, we didn't agree 100% on the opening. Marissa felt it was a little choppy, and I loved it from the get go. To be fair, part of my engagement with the opening might have been a reaction to the book I had just finished, which started off, for me, slowly and awkwardly.
Now I am not the kind of person to put a book down. I will slog through almost anything. But the discussion I had with Marissa made me realize that I never LOVE a book unless I LOVE the opening. As you may or may not know, I keep a page here on the blog with openings I love. The past two days, I've been putting thought into what makes me love some openings more than others.
For me, it comes down to a combination of urgency, voice, and sensory immersion.
Urgency
I touched on urgency last week when I discussed the use of a ticking clock in fiction. The ticking clock is one method of providing urgency, but there are others.
Urgency, in a nutshell, is the breadcrumb trail an author lays down to keep your mind on the danger, mystery, or intrigue in a story. It's the series of questions strategically posed, the what, when, where, how -- and most of all, the WHY that keep us reading.
Think about it. We've all read books where the action is relentless and we frankly don't give a damn. The connection is missing. All we're getting is a laundry list of stuff: this happened and then this happened and then this happened. But laundry lists don't haunt us. Characters do. We want to know why they act, how they are going to react, what they will do next.
Voice
Ask any two experts to define voice, and they will provide a different answer. There's also a lot of confusion between voice and style. I may be in a minority, but I like to think of voice as something unique to the character or narrator of a work of fiction, and style as something unique to the author.
Voice is what gets us into the character's head.
Often it's the voice of the main character herself, but it can just as easily be the voice of the narrator. Either way, this is what gives us insight into the character's inner world. It's what shows us what the character feels and sees, and tells us WHY she thinks a certain way.
Sensory Immersion
J.A. Souders did a great post yesterday about a writing exercise to engage eleven senses instead of the more common five. Instead of thinking merely about sight, taste, touch, smell, and hearing, the exercise suggests writers engage time, temperature, pain, balance, motion, and direction in their passages, too. It's true that these are the senses that really ground us into a story and make us connect.
Using Voice, Urgency, and Sensory Immersion to Kick Start Your Story
A story can drop-kick you into action, but if you don't care about the character, you have no one to root for. Taking a long time to build character, on the other hand, can leave us yawning. There's a delicate balance. And the more quickly the author establishes that balance, the better.
Take The Replacement, it opens like this:
I don't remember any of the true, important parts, but there's this dream I have. Everything is cold and branches scrape the window screen. Giant trees, rattling, clatter Add a Comment
Blog: Darcy Pattison's Revision Notes (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: book, novel, characters, plot, revise, action, how to write, openings, novel revision, Add a tag
Innocent Openings for Novels
“Stories should begin at a point of innocence.” When I read that recently, I had to stop and consider: where should you start a story?
Point of Innocence: Don’t Foreshadow the End
The main point of this quote is that you shouldn’t start with something like, “It was the worst day of my life.” That robs the reader of entering a situation innocent, not knowing what to expect. It lessens tension, suspense and conflict. Not a good thing to do. It’s jumping the timeline, foreshadowing to your own detriment.
Instead, readers want to experience a situation from the main character or narrator’s point of view with a blow-by-blow, as-it-happens narration of events. Yes, it’s fine to include some of the MCs or Ns attitude, in fact, it’s essential. So the experience is colored with rose or jealous-green glasses. That’s expected and it enhances the reader’s experience of the story.
Orson Scott Card says it a different way when he suggests that the only thing you withhold from a reader is what happens next. We know where we are, who is there, when we are, and why we are here. The only thing we don’t know is what happens next. THAT is where tension comes from.
The Moment Before
Openings should also be fraught with a feeling for the moment before. That is, the subtext of the story, even in the opening, should be embued with the characters hopes, dreams, experiences, joys, triumphs, dangers, and more. What happened just before this opening scene? How does that affect the emotional content of this scene?
Too often, in an attempt to jump start a story, I see openings which drop the reader into an action scene. The problem is that we don’t have any emotional connection to the characters and, well, so what?, if character A dies horribly?
Delicate Balance
Openings are a delicate balance between action and character, emotions and plot. You need to slow down enough to evoke that “moment before” and make the reader care; yet, you must always remember to hook the reader hard.
My advice, after reading many “first 5 pages” is to write a draft that hooks with action; then write a draft that makes us care; then try to blend the two together somehow, making whatever adjustments needed.
It's Here. |
Blog: Adventures in YA Publishing (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Critiques, Openings, Critique Clinic 4, Add a tag
All of the Round Four contestants in our Line-by-line novel opening contest received feedback from our generous guest judge, Natalie Fischer, about the first four sentences of our novel. Our guest authors have offered to provide additional feedback one the whole first page. To sweeten the pot even further, they've offered to read the query letter or short synopsis so they can see how the novel's opening connects to the premise.
The entries participating in the clinic appear directly below this post. As always, we invite your courteous comments and suggestions.
Entries will be critiqued by the following guest authors:
- Riley Carney is seventeen years old and has written seven MG/YA novels. The first book of the five-book Reign of the Elements Series,The Fire Stone, was released January 2010, and the second book, The Water Stone, will be released August 2010. Riley is passionate about promoting global literacy through the nonprofit corporation that she founded because she believes that the way to help children break the cycle of poverty and exploitation is through literacy.
- Lisa Green is not a demon, ghost, vampire, fairy or shape-shifter*. She has, however, enjoyed reading and writing about them since the age of seven. Her short stories and poems have been featured in several online magazines and her manuscripts are represented by the amazing Rubin Pfeffer of East-West Literary.
- Barrie Summy writes a humorous tween/teen mystery series for Random House. Her books include I SO DON'T DO MYSTERIES, I SO DON'T DO SPOOKY, the just-released I SO DON'T DO MAKEUP and the upcoming I SO DON'T DO FAMOUS. She lives in San Diego with her husband, four chatty children, a dog named Dorothy, two veiled chameleons and 83 chameleon eggs. She is addicted to the internet and licorice.
- When Cole Gibsen isn't writing she can be found shaking her booty in a zumba class, picking off her nail polish, or drinking straight from the jug (when no one is looking). Cole's debut YA paranormal, Katana, is due out from Flux in spring, 2012.
- Maurissa Guibord is a YA author whose debut novel, Warped will be published in January, 2011 from Delacorte. Warped is a romantic fantasy about a girl, an ancient unicorn tapestry and the threads of fate that bind them together.
- Suzanne Young currently lives in Portland, Oregon where she uses the rainy weather as an excuse to stay inside and write obsessively. She is the author of THE NAUGHTY LIST series (Razorbill/Penguin) and the upcoming A NEED SO BEAUTIFUL (Balzer & Bray, Summer 2011), its sequel (Summer 2012) and DELINQUENTS (Razorbill/Penguin, Fall 2011)
- Tahereh a.k.a. T.H. Mafi works as a graphic designer. Her blog
Blog: Adventures in YA Publishing (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Contests, Critiques, Openings, First Lines, Natalie Fischer, Line-by-line Contest, Add a tag
Without further ado, the finalists are listed below. At the end of the contest, each of them will receive at minimum a 3-page critique from one of our participating authors. If you are one of these lucky ten, please add the first five sentences of your manuscript along with your entry number and name into the comments of this post by 6:00 pm Monday, July 19th for the final round of judging.
If you didn't make it to the last round, we will be holding the promised critique clinic for you. There will be an announcement posted about it this afternoon.
#11 L.J. Boldyrev
There’s a dead girl in the trunk and all I can think about is how white the trees are. There ain’t no street lamps on this stretch of road, but still the trees glow like they’re lit from the ground up.
“Not much farther,” Jack says.
I want to tell him he’s driving too fast, to slow down so I can get a better look at the trees, but I know we got to hurry.
#18 Jenn Fitzgerald
Madame Bhut’s Finishing School in the town of Whut was known across Amalthea as a respectable place to send your daughter if you were hoping to marry her to a gentleman; not for producing evil queens with ideas of world domination. That is, until Priscilla Martin escaped.
Even before she escaped, Priscilla was less than a model student. Miss Birch, the embroidery teacher, had been horrified to find that during her second week at the school Priscilla had started embroidering skulls and crossbones instead of flowers on all her projects.
#28 Cambria Dillon
Whoever said cell phones made life easier was full of BS. If it were true, then I wouldn’t have spent the past fourteen minutes sitting on my bed, half-naked, wondering why my thumb couldn’t do something as simple as press a button.
Girls did this sort of thing every day. Probably every minute at Pembroke, which meant I had just wasted fourteen—no wait, fifteen—opportunities to prove to Tommy that—damn it Kendall, just do it already.
#47 Margaret Nichols
The bonfire in the middle of the grand plaza of New Tikal sent sparks up to greet the low-hanging stars; the stars Mau B'ah-Pakal hoped were still speaking to him, because no one else was. He had failed his friends, offended the Emperor, and worst of all - he could barely think it - had he really shoved his grandmother?
The plaza was full of people celebrating the equinox, but Mau couldn't hide in the crowd. Although he had the chocolate skin and thick black hair of his people, his forearms and the back of his hands were covered with tattoos.
#54 shanini3
There was no mistaking the darkness on the eastern horizon; they were coming.
Malaysa clutched the balcony railing as she stared out over the land in the predawn glow from the sky. The tinkling of metal tubes continued to ring out in the air; they were what had woken her up.
Her mother, standing by her side, bore a terrified expression.
#57 Sheila
Jacob shook the bamboo bars of his cage agai Add a Comment
Blog: Adventures in YA Publishing (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Contests, Critiques, Openings, First Lines, Natalie Fischer, Line-by-line Contest, Add a tag
The results are in! Literary Agent Natalie Fischer has picked the top 25 finalists in our Line-by-line novel opening contest.
If your entry is not listed below and you are one of the 25 that didn't make it through this round, we invite you to join our Round 3 Critique Clinic to find out why. The critique clinics are an amazing opportunity to get feedback from agented, published, and debut authors who are donating their time and expertise to help you. Please see the list of participating authors and post your entry number and first five sentences in the comments by clicking here.
If you your entry is listed below, please add a comment to this post including your entry number and the first four sentences from your YA or MG novel.
#1 Kat Zhang
Adie and I were born into the same body, our souls’ ghostly fingers entwined before we gasped our very first breath. Our first few years were our happiest—then came the worries: the tightness around our parents’ mouths, the frowns lining our kindergarden teacher’s forehead, the question everyone whispered when they thought we couldn’t hear.
Why aren’t they settling?
#2 Creepy Query Girl
‘How do you punish someone who’s already dead?’ Gretchen Grey tightened her grip around an umbrella handle while she waited for her parents to arrive. Her haunted blue eyes examined the London townhouse where she had grown up.
#11 L.J. Boldyrev
There’s a dead girl in the trunk and all I can think about is how white the trees are. There ain’t no street lamps on this stretch of road, but still the trees glow like they’re lit from the ground up.
“Not much farther,” Jack says.
#14 cchant
My hope of living a normal life in Lindenville faded faster than my fifteen dollar jeans the moment I got to the school bus stop. How could anything be normal after you hear you’re living with a dead girl?
“That’s Laura’s house. You don’t belong there.”
#18 Jenn Fitzgerald
Madame Bhut’s Finishing School in the town of Whut was known across Amalthea as a respectable place to send your daughter if you were hoping to marry her to a gentleman, not for producing evil queens with ideas of world domination. That is, until Priscilla Martin escaped.
Even before she escaped, Priscilla was less than a model student.
#20 Heather
Amidst the never-ending fires and screams of defiant terror, Abby collapsed to the ground – feet twisting inward, eyes unwilling to stay open, and desperately wishing to pass out. Exhausted from the chase, tired of the hiding. For fifteen years, she had never felt her stomach cave in from hunger like it did now; even the stench of death and decay rooted beneath her skin as if it were her own that was blackened with Consumption.
#27 salarsenッ
The challenge began like all the rest, although the dead corpse-look was different. Ana wished she could ignore it, pretend it didn’t exist, but that never worked. She could feel them.
#28 Cambria Dillon
Whoever said cell phones made life easier was full of BS. If it were true, then I wouldn’t have spent the past fourteen minutes sitting on my bed, half-naked, wondering why my Add a Comment
Blog: Adventures in YA Publishing (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Contests, Critiques, Openings, First Lines, Line-by-line Contest, Critique Clinic 3, Add a tag
Literary agent Natalie Fischer, the judge for our current Line-by-line Novel Opening Contest, has sent us her picks for the top 25 finalists. Unfortunately, that meant cutting another 25 entries that did not make it through to the next round. Overall, these are fantastic openings. To help make them even stronger, our panel of agented, published, and debut authors have offered to critique the first five sentences of these novels right here, so we all can learn to strengthen our writing.
This is an amazing opportunity. These authors have all been through the querying process and won. They have been providing thoughtful, incredibly detailed critiques. We urge you to take advantage of this chance to develop your novel opening. (Marissa and I only wish we could benefit from their expertise and patience!)
To enter the Critique Clinic with our fantastic panel of guest authors, if your entry appears below, please add your entry number and the full first five sentences of your novel in the comments of this post before 6:00 pm Monday, July 12, 2010.
Please Give a Warm Welcome to Our Participating Authors:
- Barrie Summy writes a humorous tween/teen mystery series for Random House. Her books include I SO DON'T DO MYSTERIES, I SO DON'T DO SPOOKY, the just-released I SO DON'T DO MAKEUP and the upcoming I SO DON'T DO FAMOUS. She lives in San Diego with her husband, four chatty children, a dog named Dorothy, two veiled chameleons and 83 chameleon eggs. She is addicted to the internet and licorice.
- Riley Carney is seventeen years old and has written seven MG/YA novels. The first book of the five-book Reign of the Elements Series,The Fire Stone, was released January 2010, and the second book, The Water Stone, will be released August 2010. Riley is passionate about promoting global literacy through the nonprofit corporation that she founded because she believes that the way to help children break the cycle of poverty and exploitation is through literacy.
- Tracy Clark has completed two YA novels and is currently working on her third. She is represented by Michael Bourret of Dystel & Goderich Literary Management. She’s a wife, mother, lover of words, private pilot and irredeemable dreamer. Tracy was mentored by bestselling author, Ellen Hopkins, in the NV SCBWI Mentor Program.
- When Cole Gibsen isn't writing she can be found shaking her booty in a zumba class, picking off her nail polish, or drinking straight from the jug (when no one is looking). Cole's debut YA paranormal, Katana, is due out from Flux in spring, 2012.
- Tahereh a.k.a. T.H. Mafi works as a graphic designer. Her blog Grab a Pen consistently entertains the masses. She writes YA novels and is represented by the ever-fabulous Amy Tipton of Signature Literary Agency.
- Lisa Green Add a Comment
Blog: Adventures in YA Publishing (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
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Since the top 25 finalists in our line-by-line contest would all get critiques in addition to the opportunity impress our judge, Natalie Fischer, we were lucky to find some generous authors willing to share their expertise and experience with the entries that didn't make it through that far. Again, a number of schedule conflicts prevent some of the authors scheduled to critique the finalists from participating, but other generous authors have stepped in to help.
Over the next week, the authors will comment on any entry for which they have suggestions. We invite you to kindly and respectfully do the same. Please include appropriate praise as well.
The entries will appear below this post. Please participate. This is an amazing learning opportunity for us all!
Please Give a Warm Welcome to Our Participating Authors:
- Barrie Summy writes a humorous tween/teen mystery series for Random House. Her books include I SO DON'T DO MYSTERIES, I SO DON'T DO SPOOKY, the just-released I SO DON'T DO MAKEUP and the upcoming I SO DON'T DO FAMOUS. She lives in San Diego with her husband, four chatty children, a dog named Dorothy, two veiled chameleons and 83 chameleon eggs. She is addicted to the internet and licorice.
- Riley Carney is seventeen years old and has written seven MG/YA novels. The first book of the five-book Reign of the Elements Series,The Fire Stone, was released January 2010, and the second book, The Water Stone, will be released August 2010. Riley is passionate about promoting global literacy through the nonprofit corporation that she founded because she believes that the way to help children break the cycle of poverty and exploitation is through literacy.
- Tracy Clark has completed two YA novels and is currently working on her third. She is represented by Michael Bourret of Dystel & Goderich Literary Management. She’s a wife, mother, lover of words, private pilot and irredeemable dreamer. Tracy was mentored by bestselling author, Ellen Hopkins, in the NV SCBWI Mentor Program.
- When Cole Gibsen isn't writing she can be found shaking her booty in a zumba class, picking off her nail polish, or drinking straight from the jug (when no one is looking). Cole's debut YA paranormal, Katana, is due out from Flux in spring, 2012.
- Tahereh a.k.a. T.H. Mafi works as a graphic designer. Her blog Grab a Pen consistently entertains the masses. She writes YA novels and is represented by the ever-fabulous Amy Tipton of Signature Literary Agency.
- Lisa Green is not a demon, ghost, vampire, fairy or shape-shifter*. She has, however, enjoyed reading and writing about them since the age of seven. Her short stories and poems have been featured in several online magazines and her manuscripts are represented by the amazing Rubin Pf Add a Comment
Blog: Adventures in YA Publishing (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
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If you entered our Line-By-Line contest but didn't make it past Round One, we have an amazing announcement for you! Inspired by Michele Shaw's post today about how losing the Line-by-line contest helped her see the problems with her novel opening, we have decided to extend critiques to those who need them the most.
A number of incredibly generous authors have agreed to host a critique clinic for the 25 who didn't make it through to Round Two. If you are one of those individuals, and you're interested in participating, post your first five lines in the comments of this post by Monday evening at 6:00 p.m. We will put them up on Tuesday for input from our panel of authors and other writers interested in helping you make your opening more compelling.
We'll be posting bios of the participating authors on Tuesday. Some of them are already scheduled to do the other contest critiques, but we have some exciting additions, too. Don't miss this opportunity!
Happy editing,
Martina & Marissa Add a Comment
Blog: Adventures in YA Publishing (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
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As promised, here are the entries in the first round of our Line-by-Line contest. Literary Agent Natalie Fischer is judging these now, and the top 75 entries will be announced on 6/24/10 and the lucky winners will be asked to submit the second line. In the meantime, please post your comments, encouragement, and suggestions for the following brave writers! And keep your comments kind, respectful, and snarkless.
#1 Kat Zhang
Adie and I were born into the same body, our souls’ ghostly fingers entwined before we gasped our very first breath.
#2 Creepy Query Girl
‘How do you punish someone who’s already dead?’
#3 Pam Harris
"It's not that I'm ugly or anything."
#4 JayceeKaycee
The shriek of my cell phone in the quiet classroom meant only one thing: the killer had found us again.
#5 Natalie Aguirre
“You don’t know what it’s like not knowing if you’re like your real mom or dad,” Jasmine said.
#6 Christine
Mary Kate Stewart secretly hoped that her Calculus teacher would get hit by a taco truck.
#7 Hanna C. Howard
I am told it is wonderful to be beautiful.
#8 Stina Lindenblatt
It was like leaping off a ten-meter platform when you’re terrified of heights.
#9 Vicki Tremper
“All cockroaches step forward,” a voice barked.
#10 Robyn Campbell
Anna threw open the barn door and smiled at Fancy, who stamped her foot and stuck her head over the stall opening.
#11 L.J. Boldyrev
There’s a dead girl in the trunk and all I can think about is how white the trees are.
#12 Marquita Hockaday
I’m in hell.
#13 Sangay Glass
Yeah, it was gross, but with only seconds to spare Aleksandra really had no choice.
#14 cchant
My hope of living a normal life in Lindenville faded faster than my fifteen dollar jeans the moment I got to the school bus stop.
#15 Dunnes in UK
Ellen’s forehead cracked painfully against the window as her Aunt’s ancient pick-up hit a huge hole in the questionable country road, waking her from the most bizarre dream.
#16 Janice
Ann stood in the foyer, pulling off her gloves and then her coat, and considered how little the war had changed things at home.
#17 Courtney Lowe
"Screams ripped me from sleep."
#18 Jenn Fitzgerald
Madame Bhut’s Finishing School in the town of Whut was known across Amalthea as a respectable place to send your daughter if you were hoping to marry her to a gentleman; not for producing evil queens with ideas of world domination.
#19 Nicole Zoltack
My papers scattered everywhere, and my books fell with a loud thud.
#20 Heather
Amidst the never-ending fires and screams of defiant terror, Abby collapsed to the ground, feet twisting inward, eyes unwilling to stay open, and desperately wishing to pass out.
#21 Buffy Andrews
I have a secret.
#22 Margay
"I always knew my name would get me into trouble one day."
#23 Michele Shaw
It was a knock--the harmless rap of knuckles against wood--that broke open my wounds.
#24 Natalie C. Markey
Water churned all around like a water sprout encasing me in a prison.
#25 C David
The old van in the woods had been rooted in middle school lore since ages past.
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LOL. That's so true. I'm with you all the way! (except maybe on the Godzilla thning ;o)
It's all about the writing! Doesn't matter if it's high action or low action - if the writing is good I'll see past it. Nightshade does a great job with an action scene but connecting the reader right away to the mc.
You do have to have some element of interest early on instead of just scene setting and description, but you're totally right about not leaping into desperate action immediately. I'm sure it works every once in awhile, but it's hard to pull it off. Still, knowing where to start the story is really hard. I've struggled with this with one of my novels, and I think I've rewritten it at least twelve times! It's harder with some stories than others, I guess.
I've struggled with this concept. I wrote my ms. After a few CPs gave a peek, I rewrote the beginning to be more 'action packed'. Although the opener is an emotional scene for the MC and readers all said they were drawn to read more and did (even some agents), something still didn't feel right to me. I'm currently rewriting the beginning with what I feel is a more initial character lure, drawing the reader into the character's current situation (introducing her more personally) before the emotional scene. I think it works better.
Great advice, Lisa. Ellen Hopkins told me during my professional critique at the LA SCBWI conference last year that you should begin with the mc's normal THEN disrupt that near the end of the first chapter. Of course "normal" needs to be interesting enough to get the reader to the end of the chapter. ;)
This is fantastic advice! I honestly think that all the first 250-word contests mess with people's heads on occasion. They get critiques that say, "It's fine, but nothing's happening," and they think it needs to be spiced up beyond recognition. Love the Godzilla pic :)
This is hilarious, and so true!
That is a great picture. I'd like one taken with Godzilla too *_* But yes, awesome post as well lol.
I'm loving the comments today! I see I really hit a nerve for some people, but hopefully in a good way. :D It IS hard to find the beginning of your book, which sounds counter-intuitive. But it's true!
Great post, and something I struggle with. You only have so many pages to hook the reader (or the agent...) but they need to "connect" with the character as well as be interested in the plot... so if it's all plot you won't hook 'em and if it's all character development you won't hook 'em either. Godzilla has to look good in that prom dress, or be having an existential fashion crisis... in addition to breathing fire on the mean girls... or something like that ;-) happy writing!
LOL! I have no doubt someone will write it. How can one not? Godzilla in a prom dress, I mean come on, awesome! You make an excellent point. We need to start our story where it starts, and that isn't necessarily at the inciting incident. I'm like you, I like to get to know the character and care about them, whether it starts with action or not. The connection is what keeps me reading, not the action.
Nice post.
Beautiful picture.
There goes my Godzilla destroying a prom opening!! What if Mothra destroys the prom (gimme something)? Nice post. I think most hectic openings should be reserved for movies - for some reason they work better in that format. Books need a great hook but that hook involves the MC for sure. Thanks, Lisa.
Ha, this is soooo true. As readers, we don't even know who these people are. So do you think I'll care if Suzie gets eaten by Godzilla? (You are going to have Godzilla eat people at the Prom right?).
But if I get to know Suzie a little better, I will be more concerned about her safety. Empathy first. High drama later.
OMG you guys are AWESOME!! I love love love the comments! And yes - I can't imagine Godzilla not being hungry. I mean wouldn't you be if you were him? And all those appetizing girls dressed up... Ha, if I wrote it, it would totally be from Godzilla's POV.
Hey Lisa! First of all, I loved that picture you put there! That monster is so ugly, yet for me it looked cute--or maybe it's just me, lol.
Anyway, I totally agree with you--I think that if you want to start with action, you have to give something about the character for the readers to empathize with. So, I think your words were wise, amiga.
Aw, but it's Godzilla! Everyone can connect with Godzilla! ;)
Great post with a great point :)
So wise, Obi-Wan. For some reason made me think of Jodi Piccoult. I love her opening scenes because they are so gripping: some action, but more emotion, we immediately need to know about these characters - and she can get you to care about multiple characters in one first scene, too.
I though Godzilla was a guy. Apparently he's a cross-dresser, or he just looks darn good in a gown. Great points as always, Lisa. I just started reading White Cat by Holly Black - now there's the perfect blend of a character that I'm willing to invest in from the get-go and a crazy opening sequence.
I love being referred to as Obi Wan. :D And I care extra for Godzilla who takes the time to dress appropriately. He he.
Finding the right spot to open in, the right POV, the right wording -- it's so difficult but incredibly important. And I agree that it can't all be about causing a sensation as much as bonding with the character.
So true. I think fast openings and opening with action get a little lost in the shuffle. Action doesn't have to mean explosions or car chases. Something is set in motion, and like you said, we need to care about someone right away. Otherwise, why bother?
I came over thanks to Julie's tweet. Definitely agree with you on this. I much prefer to know even one minute thing about your MC that'll make me want to go the distance with him/her before the fireworks hit.
Excellent advice. I especially like this: I NEED to be immersed in the scene, not hit over the head with it. ha!
He he he - thanks everyone! JL and Doralynn welcome! Glad you liked it.
Excellent advice. I think people often think that 'start with the action' means 'start with action'. It doesn't--it means you need to start with something that draws us in and shows us what this book is going to be about!
Although I could deal with starting with a bang if it involved Godzilla and a prom.
LOL I LOVE that somebody finally says this. The #1 reason I put a book down in the first few pages is not that it didn't grab me and excite me, but that I didn't bond to the characters. Some people just throw too much chaos in there and you feel like you can't cling to anything. If I don't care about the people you're introducing to us, I won't read it past page 5, period.
We must resist the temptation - even of Godzilla at prom.
And I'm not sure I'm really the first to say this, but I'm glad I mad it clear!
Great tip! I need to rewrite my opening but I'm struggling with where to begin! It's good to remember that you don't have to start with an action-packed scene. I agree with the above commenters who said that you need to start at a place where the reader can get to know the MC.
I also don't care for action-packed beginnings. Not only is there no bond with the characters, but sometimes they're confusing.
LOL - I'm going to start using that example (the what-not-to-do)! Do you get the feeling that sometimes the blogosphere creates it's own problems in some ways? Anyway, the best description I've ever read was in McKee's book: start with the Inciting Incident, but only if it makes sense (sometimes you can!). Otherwise, put exactly as much information (no more, no less) than is what's necessary for us to completely understand the Inciting Incident before it.
Not that this is easy to do, but it helps keep me pointed in the right direction. :)
Ha ha! Action is okay - but it can't be the deciding factor, it's really about letting the MC reveal his/herself to the reader. And Susan - I love that advice. Well said!
I think people confuse having tension in your opening scene with having wham-bam action. They aren't the same thing. I think action scenes could open up a novel, but it would have to be done really, really, really well. Really.
Lydia - REALLY? LOL!