How to use this Page

This is me in 1986. I was 6 years old.

I was part nerd, part tomboy but that didn’t stop my mother from putting barretts in my hair. I was a little girl who liked to play in the dirt and ride my bike but the world was just a big pastel ball of sick.

God, I’m glad the 80s are over.

Want to get someone’s attention subconciously, want to get on someone’s nerves?  You need to annoy them, and here is how you can do it.

1) Crack your knuckles/toes.  Cracking your knuckles is easier and more common, but if you can crack your toes, that really gets their spine tingling.  Not only is it not common, it sounds louder and more painful.

2) Bite your nails.  Just the sound of that can drive some people insane.

3) Keep staring at a certain part of someone’s body.  For instance, pretend you see a giant zit on someone’s cheek and keep staring at it to the point where they need to move away.

4) Be sloppy.  Untuck your shirt halfway, have a milk mustache, and have long fingernails (if you’re a guy) all at the same time.

5) Last but not least, Talk!  Talk about anything and everything.  See an ant, talk about it.  It must be touch for ants, huh?  Is that a tree?  What a nice tree.  You’re nice; why are you so nice, it’s amazing!  You know what’s amazing?  Magicians.  It’s not real magic though.  It looks like it though, but it’s just tricks.  Like in the song, you know, sing with me. “It’s tricky! It’s tricky!”.  What you don’t like singing?  It’s good for the heart….and so on.

Want to get someone’s attention subconciously, want to get on someone’s nerves?  You need to annoy them, and here is how you can do it.

1) Crack your knuckles/toes.  Cracking your knuckles is easier and more common, but if you can crack your toes, that really gets their spine tingling.  Not only is it not common, it sounds louder and more painful.

2) Bite your nails.  Just the sound of that can drive some people insane.

3) Keep staring at a certain part of someone’s body.  For instance, pretend you see a giant zit on someone’s cheek and keep staring at it to the point where they need to move away.

4) Be sloppy.  Untuck your shirt halfway, have a milk mustache, and have long fingernails (if you’re a guy) all at the same time.

5) Last but not least, Talk!  Talk about anything and everything.  See an ant, talk about it.  It must be touch for ants, huh?  Is that a tree?  What a nice tree.  You’re nice; why are you so nice, it’s amazing!  You know what’s amazing?  Magicians.  It’s not real magic though.  It looks like it though, but it’s just tricks.  Like in the song, you know, sing with me. “It’s tricky! It’s tricky!”.  What you don’t like singing?  It’s good for the heart….and so on.

debuted today. You can sign up for your free subscription here. It's designed as an outreach (as we used to say in the '70s) effort to parents, teachers, and others, so pass the details along to anyone who might not wander these particular climes.

And Claire has prepared a new recommended reading list of survival stories. Grrrr.

Be the first on your block to sign up! Each free and non-spam-generating issue of our new monthly newsletter, debuting the first week of March, highlights a small stack of new children's books of particular interest to parents and other adults who just need a little Horn Book help at the library or bookstore. In the March issue I interview Jon Scieszka, review some books about nature, spot some sequels, and answer some totally made-up questions in the advice column. Pass it on.