... with all gratitude to my generous father, who shared his Hilton Head Island home with me for a few brief glittering days.
The day began with a 6:30 AM conference call, ended with five additional interviews, filled two new pads of paper with notes, and featured a stunning, it-had-me downpour.
Now dinner is in the oven, and the sun is out and sinking, and I am thinking how grateful I am for that slipping-away moment, earlier today, when I went to the gym to dance Zumba. Sure, I didn't have time for it, but I went out and off anyway, for sometimes the only way that I can succeed in a jam-packed-think-day is to dance my head free of all the thoughts my head has (without my permission) previously accumulated.
I interview others for a living. Later, I write what they have said. I stand on the outside of others' expertise and story-it-up, thread it with language. The older I get the greater the need to make my brain bigger (wider, deeper) for others.
Dance is my method. What is yours?
My father and I were the early risers in my house growing up. He made cinnamon toast and cream of wheat; he drove me, in the dark, to the skating rink, where I practiced double lutzes and flips (and tried to control my scratch spins) before the first bell at Radnor High. We were known, in our family, as the morning people, and I thought nothing of that until I went to college and discovered that I was one of the few out at dawn. One of the few crouched beneath the lamp of a not-yet-winter day.
I married a late sleeper and gave birth to one. The mornings have always been my own. But here at Hilton Head I found my morning brethren, out on the beach, waiting for sun. It's a sweet salmon blue out there before the sun cracks the horizon. And then the sun is a fireball. It's a globe of pink fire that puts a fuzz down on the lens. It defies accuracy, and capture.
This morning, we morning people stood and watched the sun do its thing. Then we got to work beneath its glaring streak, being the regular people we have also taught ourselves to be.
I was the original girl workaholic—taking a motley medley of jobs as soon as I could, in any place that would take me. I remember the stink of the mimeograph machine at a life insurance company. The presents I failed to wrap well at The Mole Hole, a Hilton Head gift shop. The catering gig and the library shelves at the University of Pennsylvania. I was working up through my sixth hour of labor, and whenever my baby slept I was back at the machine, spooling through the corporate newsletters I wrote for a freelance dime—CompNet News, one was called. A Rohm and Haas epistle called, I think, Rohm and Haas Quarterly. A bevy of pieces for the Hay Group. Exciting stuff.
I was always working.
This summer has slowed me down. The economy has left its mark on us all; certainly it has impacted the boutique marketing firm that I run. I know that I need to start worrying about this in a more active and effective way, but somehow I've loved the just-being-alive time not working like I once worked has afforded. The new friends I've made. The new dance steps I've learned. The new novel I'm writing. The long conversations with my son. And these few days in Hilton Head. I've had the moon and the sun in the palm of my hand. I've had herons not minding my portrait taking. And just a half hour ago I watched the moon slip away above the head of this straight-spined palm tree.
I watched it, and I cried for the fact that I took the time to see it.
It rained early, but I was out on the bike—almost alone beneath the Spanish moss of Sea Pines. You glide here, on the wide macadam. You go and you go and you go—past the big horses of Lawton Stables, out to the lighthouse of Harbour Town, and on.
It had stopped raining.
I went down to the beach with my camera. A friend—a choreographer—has been talking about sharks and how they move, how they move him. I thought perhaps I'd photograph a dolphin or two, watch them move, be moved.
There were no dolphins. I stood at the edge of the sea and waited. Pelicans. Sun rise. Cloud break. No dolphin. And then, two feet away, no more, the startle of an animal, near. It couldn't be what I thought it was. But no, it actually was: A shark at my feet.
Seriously.
I've been coming to Hilton Head since I was a teen. I have never seen a shark.
It became my companion. I'd move, and it would come near. I'd begin to walk along the shore and it would swim in parallel. I was—moved, perhaps? Blessed? A shark so near, and not threatening. A shark, sea-colored, in the deep fin art of choreography.
I was standing on the shore. They came this near. They scissored, circled, returned. What keeps us alive? What keeps us afloat? We each have our answers.
I require the honest exchange of the honest right now. The conversation that means something. The person who says, What if?, or, What now? I have, and I make, little room for the nothing nothings. I want every single moment to count.
Imagine what that does to those who know me.
To stand utterly still.
To see.
Safe flying across this wide country, Beth.
Awesome photo! Be safe, Beth:)
I love the new photo that is the header for your blog. This one is lovely too. Have a good trip.
Beautiful picture! It reminds me of the BBC Flying Penguins movie (find it on YouTube). I know it's an April Fool's joke, but every time I watch, it still brings tears to my eyes!