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By: scriberess,
on 11/17/2016
Blog:
A. PLAYWRIGHT'S RAMBLINGS
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In recognition of the up-coming U.S. Thanksgiving holiday.
ZOO DIARY – TURKEY’S DILEMMA
SCENE: CITY ZOOThanksgiving eve. The zoo denizens are upset with the zoo directorate having not been included in the Thanksgiving celebrations
RAT
Once again, we’re not included in Thanksgiving celebrationsZEBRA
Did you really expect to? I mean, why should they? Who are we? Merely the tools in which they make money. That’s all - and how do they thank us? Closing the zoo for the day so we can’t even expect extra treats from visitors. This is so typically…human SOUND: GOBBLE-GOBBLE… GOBBLE-GOBBLE….RAT
What’s that noise?
ZEBRA
Noise? What noise? Are my stripes straight?
RAT
You don’t hear that?
ZEBRA
‘You are magnificent… Those teeth…those sparkling eyes…’
RAT
Maybe if you’d get your face away from that mirror and stop admiring yourself…
ZEBRA
A person has to make sure that he looks good from every angle. Being the sole representative of the zebra specie in this zoo comes with a responsibility. A daily body examination is necessary to ensure that all my black stripes are evenly spaced on my perfectly white skin. ‘Yesssss! Perfection personified!’
RAT
Far be it to burst your bubble, Zeeb…
ZEBRA
…I am not zeeb - or zebby - or zeeby-baby. I’m a zebra. Z-E-B-R-A!
RATGotcha Zebby-boy – like I was sayin’ – the way that I see it, the stripe on your upper right leg doesn’t well…match the left
ZEBRAWhat?! You must be mistaken. It’s not possible… How could this be? I just checked it not two minutes ago and it was perfectly aligned
(MANNY, the boa constrictor slithers in)
Hey – how ‘ya doin’?
RAT
Manny – you’re out. Free. Did you eat lunch, yet?
ZEBRA
Yes Manny – I do hope they’ve fed you some nourishment. I mean, it’s important to keep up your strength. We don’t want you slithering around hungry looking for anybody, heh-heh…
RAT
That’s the last thing we need - being that we’re your friends and all - that is to say, we don’t want you to experience hunger pangs…
MANNY
As I remember, I had a nibble a month ago but no in between snacks since then. Sure is quiet around here. No humans to knock on the glass of my enclosure. One day...one sweet day...someone is gonna hit hard enough to break the glass and they'll find out why my knick-name is Mr. Squeeze
NOISE: GOBBLE-GOBBLE GOBBLE-GOBBLE…
RAT
There it is again. Sounds familiar-like
(a turkey suddenly drops down from a tree)
TURKEY
Save me!
ZEBRA
A tree chicken. How unique.
TURKEY
I am a turkey who requires sanctuary
RAT
Listen chicken sweetheart…
TURKEY
…turkey…I am – um – an endangered specie. Yes – that’s it - and am declaring myself on the extinct list thus requiring sanctuary
ZEBRA
You must be someone important judging by your extensive vocabulary. All cultured and important species have an extensive vocabulary – and a beautiful body, of course (zebra looks at himself in the mirror) You handsome fool!
TURKEY
I am very important. In fact, I can state with absolute knowledge that I am number one on everyone’s hit list, today
MANNY
(slithering closer)Well I for one, believe you. You do look very appealing – in an endangered species way of course
RAT
Wish we could help, turkey, but we live out in the open with nowhere to hide
ZEBRA
I could send a protest letter to the Zoos of America if that could assist you in any way
TURKEY
I am doomed!
MANNY
(slithering almost directly in front of TURKEY)Well turkey – really feel for you, in the true sense of the word. I just happen to live inside in a huge glass enclosure that has lots of hiding places. Why don’t you come back to my place and check things out? I live alone and there’s nobody to bother or see usTURKEY
That’s a very generous offer on your part –MANNY
- Manny –TURKEYMannyMANNY
Anything for a friend in need. (the two start to make their way to MANNY’s place)
(cont’d.) Did anyone ever tell you that you have a beautiful, full body. I bet under all those feathers, you have nice firm flesh
TURKEY
The farmer took good care of me up until before Thanksgiving. You can see for yourself when we get back to your pit. MANNY
Oh I intend toTURKEY
Can I give you a hug?
MANNY
Later…when we’re alone…they’ll be plenty of hugging to go around
By: scriberess,
on 12/24/2015
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A. PLAYWRIGHT'S RAMBLINGS
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ZOO DIARY
SCENE: A small zoo. Zebra, Christmas show director/producer/mentor to the lesser talented, is preparing the zoo denizens to put on their annual Christmas performance
AT RISE: Some of the performers are chatting amongst themselves while others work closely, in some cases too closely, going over lines
ZEBRA(checking list)
...sleigh...bag of toys...jingle bells... What's missing? Hello? Where are the reindeer?
REINDEER RANDY(munching on moss)
I'm here, Zee (burps) There - better
ZEBRADid your mother not teach you it's uncouth to burp out loud, not to mention very impolite and boorish
REINDEER RANDYMaybe she did if I knew what those words meant
ZEBRAWhy...why do I agree to do this every year?
(
ZEBRA stares at himself in the mirror) 'You do it for the sake of the theatre, you talented, handsome beast...'
(cont'd.) Where, pray tell, are the others, he asks, afraid of what he'll be told
REINDEER RANDYThey're back in the barn, playing poker.
ZEBRA(jumps back)
Say what? The show is about to begin and they're gambling?
REINDER RANDYThey're playing for some green
ZEBRAStop them immediately! The last thing we need is for the zoo to be raided!
(staring at himself in the mirror)' It just never ends, does it, gorgeous beast!'
REINDEER RANDYNot to worry. There's only moss in the pot. Want me to go get them?
ZEBRAWhy must I suffer the humiliation of
amatoor performers? Why?
REINDEER RANDYBecause nobody else will do it?
ZEBRA(pacing)
Tell them to take their places in front of the sleigh, immediately. I'm a professional... I have a reputation to retain... they need me... without my presence there is no show. Go and bring them here posthaste - that means fast for your edification
(ZEBRA stares at himself in full-length mirror. Places a cloth on his forehead)(cont'd.) I feel a
mee-graine coming on...must control myself
(cont'd.)'My but those stripes are stunning! I would fall in love with you if I hadn't already!'
(loud squawking can be heard)(cont'd. ZEBRA) My head...the noise...Is there no peace for
moi?
(staring at himself in the mirror) 'What did I do to deserve to be put in charge of these...these
maladroit soubrettes? Still, the show must go on. I am a professional.
Hmmmm - my stripes do give my very well proportioned body a certain je ne said quoi...What are you doing after the show, handsome...
RATExcuse me Zeb...but there's a problem
ZEBRA...those dark enquiring eyes...those long lashes... Rat! Why are here? You're in the opening scene
RATFigured you'd want to know -
ZEBRA- we can't afford any more delays. My
mee-grain is definitely getting worse so break it to me in gentle hints
RATWell...it has to do with Santa....
ZEBRA- are my eyes bloodshot? There's nothing worse than a zebra with red eyes. People will think I've taken to drink, although I wouldn't blame myself. Is it the costume thing, again? I mean, really, the chicken is quite vain. She assured me she could handle the role. Nobody will even realize that the jacket won't close...just tell her to hold her mitts in front...
RAT...and one of the actors
ZEBRAI sent her to a quiet place to go over her lines with the acting coach, although why the necessity is beyond me. I mean, really, "Ho-ho-ho. I think I hear Santa" Nevertheless - where is she? Thespian chickens tend to be peckish. I'll have to give her a pep talk
RATWell that's just it...
ZEBRAWhat's it? Stop speaking in riddles and go get her
RATSeems somebody offered to give her private coaching in his den
ZEBRAThat can't be a bad thing. Wait a minute - did you say
'den'? That Cheetah! I should have known better! Last year it was Mr. Squeeze who got up close and personal with the squirrel and now this. I need some of my special tonic to help assuage my nerves.
RATPerhaps that's not such a great idea, Zeb. Remember what happened last year
ZEBRAThey don't pay me enough greens to direct this Christmas show. Must calm down. Is it...
RAT(holding up feathers)
...too late
ZEBRANo! This can't be happening! There's no time for a replacement so I, myself, will be forced to don the red costume, even though it clashes with my stripes and does absolutely nothing for my skin. The show must go on. But first, a dose of tonic....maybe two doses...down the hatch. "Places everyone! Curtain up!"
NEXT:IT'S SHOW TIME, IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE
By: scriberess,
on 12/7/2015
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A. PLAYWRIGHT'S RAMBLINGS
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ZOO DIARY
SCENE: A small zoo. Preparing for the holiday performance. At rise: The residents of the zoo are practicing for the annual holiday performance. It's the last dress rehearsal before the actual production and chaos reigns supreme.
ZEBRAHello? Everyone? May I have your attention, please? There is far too much cacophony among the performers. I can't hear myself think! Not you my dear...you embody the true thespian soul
CROW 1(laughing while watching from a tree)Uh-oh...zebra says there's too much
caca-phony around here. The elephants have been using the toilets, again
CROW 2(laughing hysterically)Oh Cyril - you're so witty!
ZEBRAYou mean, witless. Now where were we? Oh yes...we were discussing your acting abilities, my dear.
FEMALE ZEBRAYou think I have talent? My acting coach has offered to give me private lessons
ZEBRAWould your coach anyone I would know? Perhaps we could work together to maximize your performance
FEMALE ZEBRAThat's a very kind offer but 'CH' swore me to secrecy. He doesn't want the whole world calling him and begging for private tutoring> He's a very private person
ZEBRATotally understandable, my dear. Know exactly where he's coming from. I too separate myself from the lesser...well...talent-challenged among us
(ZEBRA admires his frame from all angles, in a full-length mirror)
(
cont'd. ZEBRA) 'Perfection!' (
whispering) You can share the name of your acting coach with me. There is a professional code of silence among zebra directors that is adhered to. You said his initials were CH? Hmmmm....not familiar with any coaches with those initials...
FEMALE ZEBRAHe calls himself cheetah
(ZEBRA reacts with horror)
ZEBRACheetah...you did say
cheetah? Does this cheetah...would this coach live, perchance, in a cage in this very zoo?
FEMALE ZEBRAHe would! How did you know? He said that his style of coaching requires getting down to the bare bones of acting
ZEBRA(
horrified)
My dear, naïve, zebra! Forget about - um - coach cheetah. I, myself, shall take you on as a client, gratis, and as a cost to myself (aside to himself)
...wait 'til I get my hands on cheetah...' What am I saying? Let's just say, my dear, that his reputation and taste for zebras is well developed. Why don't you go over there in the corner and study your lines
FEMALE ZEBRAIf you say so. "I think I hear Santa!....I think I hear Santa....I think I hear Santa...'
ZEBRAOkay...actors - places please! Mr. Squeeze - please tear yourself away from rat? We don't want a repeat performance of last year's incident
MR. SQUEEZEI was just trying to show him some love
RAT(
gasping for breath)
Surrre! Remember the squirrel incident? We lost our Santa Claus on account of you
MR. SQUEEZEWe're good friends! Right rat? Who ever heard of a squirrel playing Santa Claus, anyway?
ZEBRA(admiring himself in the mirror and fixing his cravat)
'You handsome devil! Your stripes don't do you justice. 'kiss-kiss....' For the record and given our budget, which is half of last year's, which was next to nothing, he was the only one who could fit into the Santa suit. Who will play the old elf this year?
(a chicken jumps down from the branch of a tree)
CHICKENI would like to volunteer my services for the cause
MR. SQUEEZE(
slithering up close to chicken)
Great idea! And my contribution will be to offer my help We can go over your lines in my den
ZEBRANot! Thank you for your...offer but I'm sure chicken can remember "ho-ho-ho..." Now if you will put on the suit, we can start our rehearsal
CHICKENIt's a little tight...jacket won't...fit...over my...breast bone...
CHEETAHPerhaps I can fix that problem ...
MR. SQUEEZE...my particular qualities can definitely fix that...
(both cheetah and MR. SQUEEZE inch closer to the chicken)
ZEBRAStop where you are, both of you! We will make do with what we have. Please put on the red hat and black shiny boots and get on the sled. The children are arriving
CHICKEN(
smoothing his feathers and pulling the jacket over his breast)I'm very nervous.. This is my first acting job
CHEETAHDon't worry my friend. I'll be watching close by...in case you forget your lines, of course
ZEBRAPlaces people! Mr. Squeeze - you're not in the first scene
MR. SQUEEZEJust helping chicken get over his nerves. Everyone needs a hug
NEXT TIME: THE SHOW MUST GO ON...MAYBEOpen the curtains and let the play begin!
By: scriberess,
on 11/26/2014
Blog:
A. PLAYWRIGHT'S RAMBLINGS
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ZOO DIARY –THANKSGIVING – TURKEY’s DILEMMA
SCENE: CITY ZOO Thanksgiving eve. The zoo denizens are upset with the zoo directorate having not been included in the Thanksgiving celebrations
RAT
Once again, we’re not included in Thanksgiving festivities ZEBRA
Did you really expect to? I mean, why should they? Who are we? Merely the tools in which they make money. That’s all - and how do they thank us? Closing the zoo for the day so we can’t even expect extra treats from visitors. This is so typically…human SOUND: GOBBLE-GOBBLE… GOBBLE-GOBBLE…. RAT
What’s that noise?
ZEBRA
Noise? What noise? Are my stripes straight?
RAT
You don’t hear that?
ZEBRA
‘You are magnificent… Those teeth…those sparkling eyes…’
RAT
Maybe if you’d get your face away from that mirror and stop admiring yourself…
ZEBRA
A person has to make sure that he looks good from every angle. Being the sole representative of the zebra specie in this zoo comes with a responsibility. A daily body examination is necessary to ensure that all my black stripes are evenly spaced on my perfectly white skin. ‘Yesssss! Perfection personified!’
RAT
Far be it to burst your bubble, Zeeb…
ZEBRA
…I am not zeeb - or zebby - or zeeby-baby. I’m a zebra. Z-E-B-R-A!
RAT Gotcha Zebby-boy – like I was sayin’ – the way that I see it, the stripe on your upper right leg doesn’t well…match the left
ZEBRA What?! You must be mistaken. It’s not possible… How could this be? I just checked it not two minutes ago and it was perfectly aligned
(MANNY, the boa constrictor slithers in)
Hey – how ‘ya doin’?
RAT
Manny – you’re out. Free. Did you eat lunch, yet?
ZEBRA
Yes Manny – I do hope they’ve fed you some nourishment. I mean, it’s important to keep up your strength. We don’t want you slithering around hungry looking for anybody, heh-heh…
RAT
That’s the last thing we want…being that we’re your friends and all…that is to say, we don’t want you to experience hunger pangs…
MANNY
As I remember, I had a nibble a month ago. Sure is quiet around here. No humans to knock on the glass of my enclosure
NOISE: GOBBLE-GOBBLE GOBBLE-GOBBLE…
RAT
There it is again. Sounds familiar-like…
(a turkey suddenly drops down from a tree)
TURKEY
Save me!
ZEBRA
A tree chicken. Never knew chickens live in trees.
TURKEY
I am a turkey who requires sanctuary
RAT
Listen chicken…
TURKEY
…turkey…I am – um – an endangered specie. Yes – that’s it and am declaring myself on the extinct list thus requiring sanctuary
ZEBRA
You must be someone important judging by your extensive vocabulary. All cultured and important species have an extensive vocabulary – and a beautiful body, of course
TURKEY
I am. In fact, I can state with absolute knowledge that I am number one on everyone’s hit list, today
MANNY
(slithering closer) Well I for one, believe you. You do look very appealing – in an endangered species way of course
RAT
Wish we could help, turkey, but we live out in the open
ZEBRA
I could send a protest letter to the Zoos of America if that could assist you in any way
TURKEY
I am doomed!
MANNY
(slithering almost directly in front of TURKEY) Well turkey – really feel for you, in the true sense of the word. I just happen to live inside in a huge glass enclosure that has lots of hiding places. Why don’t you come back to my pit and check things out? I live alone and there’s nobody to bother or see us TURKEY
That’s a very generous offer on your part – MANNY
- Manny – TURKEY Manny MANNY
Anything for a friend in need. (the two start to make their way to MANNY’s place)
(cont’d.) Did anyone ever tell you that you have a beautiful, full body. I bet under all those feathers, you have nice firm flesh
TURKEY
The farmer takes good care of me. You can see for yourself when we get back to your pit. MANNY
Oh I intend to TURKEY
Can I give you a hug?
MANNY
Later…when we’re alone…they’ll be plenty of hugging to go around…