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As you know if you’ve been following my Twitter feed, my cat Henrietta has been having some health concerns. Nothing life threatening . . . unless you call inexplicably pulling out her own fur and then spitting it across the room life threatening.

Which of course I do, because now there’s a bald spot across her butt that resembles the one on the back of Prince William’s head.

Not to mention the fact that every time I come into the room I find wads of fur on my pillow, like a gift from the Fur Fairy.

So we contacted the mobile vet.

Because the worst part about going to the vet is getting Henrietta into her carrier (claws flailing, skin slashed) and then the car ride over (screaming, projectile vomit), and then pulling her out of the carrier (revenge poop flying everywhere), and getting her examined (vet giving up, insisting she needs to be anesthetized for the safety of everyone concerned, Henrietta instituting a riot in the back room where all the other pets are quietly waiting their turn, me having to go in there and break things up, B.A. from the A-Team style).

PS None of the above is exaggerated in the slightest. I only wish it were.

But now, blessings upon her, there’s a vet who makes house calls!

I was sure we’d be able to fool Henrietta into thinking nothing out of the ordinary was going on. She’d just be lounging around, spitting fur across the room, and then . . . SURPRISE! Thermometer up the butt.

Because really, Henrietta is a sweet little angel who fell down from heaven to be with me seventeen plus years ago. The only reason she misbehaves so badly when we remove her from her home environment, I’ve always insisted, is because she was found as a tiny one-eyed stray in Brooklyn. Brooklyn girls, as we all know, are very tough. They don’t like to be messed with.

This was before the vet suggested that perhaps Henrietta’s problems stem from “tortietude.”

“Tortietude” is the “attitude” commonly found in tortoiseshell cats, which “tend to be very nervous and jumpy, and prone to hyperactivity. They are also very sweet and loving when calm—” especially around their owners, to whom they are fiercely loyal, very much one-person cats “—but are easily riled up and very high strung.”

Of course, I’m not sure Henrietta is a tortoiseshell. She fits the personality profile, but tortoiseshells, or “torties,” are cats with “mottled” fur, usually with patches of orange or cream and chocolate, black or blue (they differ from calicoes in that calicoes are predominantly white).

Henrietta, as you can see, does have the colors listed above . . . but she has all of them. She looks like a frappuccino threw up on her:

In case you didn’t know, according to their Wikipedia entry, torties are believed to bring good luck. The Japanese Maneki Neko figurine is a calico cat, which is a subset of the tortie (or the tortie is a subset of the calico, whichever).

It’s said to bring money and good fortune, which is why you always see it in Japanese restaurants.

One thing I do know for sure: Tortie or not, Henrietta outdid