Today’s post is from a new friend of mine. Her heart shows in this post. Check it out…
Yavonne sits on her bed with her back pressed against the headboard and a pillow clutched to her chest. Her parents’ brutal words slice through her paper thin walls, filling their house with hatred. She grabs her Ipod sitting on her bedside table and slams the earplugs into her ears, cranking the volume until her brain vibrates. Tears lodge in her throat, but she swallows them down.
A razor blade tucked inside her nightstand drawer beckons her. The scars forever etched in her arm pale compared to the deep wounds encasing her heart. One of these days, she’ll cut deep enough to end it all.
Would anyone care? Would anyone even notice? The words spoken by a neighbor a few months back flood her mind, playing tug-of-war with her heart.
“God loves you. He’ll never leave you nor forsake you. He sees you.”
She snorts and yanks up her sleeve, exposing ugly pink scars. Yeah, he sees her all right. All of her. Why would he care about her or her family?
“God loves you. He’ll never leave you nor forsake you. He sees you.”
What a laugh. If that’s true, then where is he now?
Yavonne holds her breath, her heart quickening, as she waited for a response.
The steel guitar grates against her ear drum.
Yeah, that’s what she thought. What does it matter, anyway? You live and die, then turn to worm food.
So why not speed the process along a big? Shorten the dash on the headboard?
***
Rachel sifts through her container of beads, laying the yellows and orange on the table. Soft praise music drifts from the kitchen, muting her parents’ chattering voices. She smiles and resumes her beading.
The words of this morning’s sermon fill her head.
“You’ve been given a precious gift. Now you need to share it. God wants to loves the world—through you. Right now, as you sit her surrounded by His love, someone is hurting. Right now someone is calling out to God, asking Him if He truly cares. The question is, will you allow Him to love His broken children through you, or will you turn and walk away.”
An image of Yavonne, her neighbor, lingers in her mind—the dark, almost hollow eyes, centered on the ground. Her shoulders, hunched forward. Her face hardened by anger and bitterness.
Rachel shakes her head. Yavonne isn’t interested in Jesus. Yavonne isn’t interested in anything.
“Will you share His love with a hurting world?”
She rests her hand on the table as the question posed by her pastor nibbles at her heart.
But of course she will. She does all the time. Last week she’d spent ten hours helping with Vacation Bible School. That’s sharing God’s love, right? And next Wednesday she plans to join the youth at the local women’s shelter.
And yet, despite her rationale, peace evades her as the questions continued to rise.
“What about now? Will you be there for my child now?”
Her mother walks into the kitchen clutching a basket of laundry. “What’s wrong, sweetie? You like you’re about to swallow a lemon.”
If only it were that easy.
Yavonne rubs a bead between her index finger and thumb. “I’m not sure why, but I feel like God wants me to go talk to Yavonne.”
“Then you should go.”
“I don’t know…. Maybe I should pray about it.”
“Or maybe you should obey.”
Rachel sighs and pushes up from the table, her stomach flip-flopping.
Her mother smiles. “I’ll be praying for you.”
***
Yavonne’s hand trembles as she holds the thin razor blade against her clammy skin. Her veins form faint blue webbing through her wrist.
Just do it, you coward. One slice and it’ll be all over. One cut—long, deep and quick. She closes her eyes and grits her teeth—
A loud knock shakes her door. “Yavonne!”
Yavonne’s breathe catche
Nice work, Jennifer! I like it!! Got more of these?
wow….i only hope i would listen to God….and obey!!
Agreed, Ariana. It would be difficult at best!
Jennifer has done a fantastic job of touching on subjects both tough and necessary for families of young adults to discuss. She has lots more where this comes from and I look forward to hearing more from her soon.
Thanks, Phyllis! By more, do you mean more stories like these? I should probably write more.
Right now I’m working on a contemporary youth series for Christ to the World that will deal with many of the issues teens face–cutting, depression, self-esteem, bulimia, anorexia, drugs–76 topics in all. This series will be made of different mini-series with 6-8 dramas and studies per mini-series. As I research and write material for Christ to the World, I’m sure a short story will pop up in there somewhere.
I wrote this story after editing a study on bullying one of the other youth writers wrote. The study touched on the need we all share for close friendships–to know we’re not alone that someone’s there to stand by us.
Ariana, amen! God’s heart bleeds when He sees His children hurting, and often He’ll call you or I to be His hands and feet. And we never know…what if someone is crying out to Him right at that moment when we feel that gentle nudge? Kind of a cool thought that God uses us to share His love! And mabye even save a life.