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You might give this a try. Firdamatic Template Generator I know jack about coding templates, but this is a good tool. It lets you choose three columns and colors, and I'm pretty sure it has a place where you can insert your own header and what-not.

I second Miss Snark. I once worked with a very well-intentioned agent with zero experience. She was the wife of a well-known SF author, and was used to rubbing elbows with editors at cons. This made her think she had experience, or at least contacts. She did not. A year later, she had not sold the book, and had only submitted it one place. We parted ways. I'm wiser now, and I have learned much from Miss Snark. First question out of an author's mouth when an agent offers representation should always be, "What have you sold?" This is not an insult to the agent. We're all professionals here (or strive to be). It's just good business.

If an agent is in a large agency, and said agent doesn't handle romance, wouldn't the unromantic agent pass a great romance manuscript to the agent who daydreams of bodice ripper covers?

Or does the first agent simply not read the ms, and pass?

I find it interesting to hear how different agents work. So some agents have a one year contract, others don't. Thanks, Miss Snark, for helping us identify what is a red flag issue and what isn't.

bran raises an interesting question. Are there some manuscripts an agent falls in love with enough to take on that he or she can't get editors to look at?

If I find the one (reputable) agent who thinks my work is the next big thing, and he can't get attention, is that his fault, or is it the work? I mean, can't you twist a few arms? Call in a few favors?

I've seen an agent or two on AgentQuery who had no sales listed, but who I know have made some pretty good sales.

Here's a related question -- If the writer has researched this agent and believes her work to be something that agent would be interested in representing, wouldn't the question of what's been sold already be pretty obvious?

Would an agent who hears "What have you sold" just think a writer has no idea what s/he likes?

Exactly, anon.
Writers should do their research before they submit to an agent, not when an agent has offered for them!
If you have any concerns about an agent at all, don't waste your time (or their time) querying them. Your queries should only be to those you would be happy to be represented by.

You know, I don't think I've ever realized before that once a book is sold via an agent, that book earns both that agent and the author royalties from now until it stops selling. It's a lifelong contract. What happens after the author or the agent dies? Heaven forbid, of course.

Neil Gamain has a link on his web page concerning ESTATE PLANNING! Go read it.

I like that. I mean, I always knew that an agent would handle submission and at a basic level vetting ideas as to their potential. But handling a measure of accounting too is just dreamy. One less thing for me to have to worry about.

YESSS, YOU'RE BACK!

Oh, my. Two comments in one day, but my mother taught me the importance of saying thank you and I have been silent for a LONG time, so what the heck...

My daughter is graduating from high school, and in addition to the indispensable (and impersonal) computer, this will be the perfect gift. It says "I love you" in a way few other gifts can, and, I hope, will come in handy when she's living in the dorm.

(Maybe I should buy one for myself, too--to help me cope with the empty nest...)

As far as I know ALL 18 year olds have a lot to learn about life. In fact, a lot of 48 year olds still have a lot to learn about life. Why not just be happy for her and give her something nice? Graduates usually have a lot of packing and deciding to do. A crisp $20 bill in a nice card is always welcome. $100 if you're family.

Pam Houston's Cowboys Are My Weakness.

A lot of wisdom in that slim volume.

Hope the Gin in the Caymans was good for you, Snark. Glad to see you back.

When my nephew graduated from high school a few years ago, I put a copy of the Worst Case Scenario Survival Guide for college students in with the check. He liked both gifts.

When I graduated from high school, my cousin gave me a copy of Jonathan Livingston Seagull with a note about how it was important to him when he was younger.

I don't remember most of the other gifts I recieved (well, except the furby that I got from my crazy aunt), but that one is still special to me. Not so much for the story itself, but because he passed on something that helped him through hard times.

Subsidy presses do have their place. If you're on the speaker circuit and have a niche audience, getting a vanity press book to sell at the sessions can be very helpful. Vanity press would also be well suited for family history books.

Subsidy and vanity presses are great for niche publishing. In my secret non-pixie life in the sometimes-musty stacks of research libraries, I run across editions of long out of print books and pamphlets given new life by a caring historian or other interested person. There is usually a limited academic interest in these things. Usually commercial publishers won't republish obscure historical pamphlets and books.

Oh, yes, there are exceptions. During the King Tut craze Smyth's Great Pyramid book, and J. A. Seiss's really strange book on the prophetic significance of the great pyramid both saw republication. Harper published Seiss's book. It was public domain, cheap to republish and rode a craze. But mostly things like that don't make it back into print except through the efforts of POD and vanity publishers.

Also new material of limited interest finds a home there. My non-pixie self has any number of privately printed pamphlets dealing with odd bits of religious history. Do you care that L. T. Cunningham (don't even know who he is, do you?) supported William C. Thurman's views on chronology way back in the 1860's? Well, don't get all huffy! I didn't think you did. But I do. And except for a few journal articles, the little pamphlets on it are privately printed because there are only so many people and pixies out there who care.

One of my acquaintances republishes weird stuff. He uses Lulu. He makes almost no money from it, but he has the satisfaction of having made a difficult to find book or pamphlet available to researchers. I've thought of doing this myself. I've taken a break from Pixie stories and am well into what was supposed to be a journal article on a now obscure 19th Century religious figure. It's turned into much more than an article, and presents material not previously uncovered. (I'm a much better researcher than I am a writer. I admit it.) So, now that this is way too long for an academic journal and too short for a book, what will I do? If I want to put this out to the small community that will be interested I have two alternatives: I can publish it on the World Wide Web (There are several online "journals" that publish similar material and don't care about length) or I can self-publish. I will probably do both.

For this sort of thing vanity and POD publishing is ideal. You pay your money. Your material gets published. Those who want it can have it. The rest of the world won't know it exists.

There are certain differences between self-publishers and subsidy presses that should be researched before making a decision. All this can be googled very easily.

Several of the poetry organizations I belong to use lulu as a press to self publish poetry.

Given that poetry is such a niche and limited market, it's just an extension of the labor-of-love concept that most internet poetry zines and boards are anyway.

I don't list these kind of collections as publication credits when I query for my novels, though I'm in several anthologies that have editorial oversight. But my sense is that even niche POD/independently pubbed work is still seen as the ugly stepsister of publication.

I've also used Lulu to print a few private copies of material for family members as gifts. Looks a lot nicer than photocopied and stapled pages. I don't consider *that* a publication of any kind. More like an arts and crafts project. :)

Lulu is wonderful for certain kinds of things. We wouldn't have "Atlanta Nights" available to such a wide audience otherwise. (I view it as an important historical document, and a sort of writers' workshop rolled into one.)

I know some people who have done quite well with self-publishing--but only in narrow nonfiction areas, where a very specific audience exists. Beach Volleyball. Obscure bits of Cold-War history. Pet Care for obscure pets. In these cases, readers will tend to seek out the book, and the author may do better financially than if they were published by a house.

But, sadly, none of that applies to fiction. Well, except "Atlanta Nights".

In my collection of Los Angeles, California and Western history - I have over a hundred books published by Dorrance and many other legit subsidy publishers. They are uniformly well produced, well edited and cover niche areas of history that would otherwise never be published

ohmygoodness!

sha'el! I know who L.T. Cunningham is! And I care! Alas for my academic career, because I once wrote a paper Thurman and though I was being all uber-geek impressive by citing ole L.T.! The problem was, I had found the title in a library in Amman, Jordan and a few years later, I was writing the paper in Texas. They emailed me a scan of the relevent pages, along with the book info for the bibliography.

Imagine my chagrin when I got dinged by my prof for that reference! Apparently referencing a really obscure work that's not readily available to the general public (hence, making the reference irrelevent because no-one can find it) is just not done.

In an effort to return to on-topic-land (Hi Miss Snark and KY! Filet mignon anyone?) I have used this lesson in my fledgling novel writing career. No matter how good an idea is, if it is too obscure or too unreachable to the general audience, no agent in her right mind is going to use it. Unless, of course, she has a wobbly table that needs something stuffed under the leg and your ms just happens to fit perfectly.

But that's not exactly a pub credit.

(Note to Miss Snark and Co: sorry if you got this twice! I am not sure if it went the first time.)

ysa, Obscure material not done? You're professor wood hate my professors.

Oh, my! Someone who actually knows who William C. Thurman was!! How exciting! Donald Durnbaugh, a Brethren historian and all around good guy and nice man, presented a paper on Thurman that was printed in Brethren Life and Thought, an academic journal. As I recall it was in a Fall/Winter 2000 double issue. (I'm too lazy to go get it off the shelf and check, sorry.) It's very well done and the best research on Thurman I've seen.

Say ... do you remember the L. T. Cunningham source you got dinged for? I gotta say I don't ding people for obscure references. Original research often depends on the obscure. Those things that add to the sum of historical knowledge often start out as obscure. Take for instance a W.J.M. whose articles appear in various Advent, Universalist, Lutheran and other 19th Century periodicals. No one knows who this really is, except I think I do now, based on a really obscure reference. Obscure is good.

I ding people for suggesting guesses as fact! (If that rude guy with a beard that thought Christ would come in 1873, 1874, or maybe 1881 or 1896 really was a prospector in Australia, prove it! And I'm tellin' ya right now, I know who first said that and on what basis. You won't be able to prove it! Ya hear?… That's pixie-goatherd-cowgirl talk and probably not usual in academic circles, but it works.) Suggesting surmises as fact irritates the devil out of this small pixie. I grow hunt teeth and bite for that; it draws blood. I also scowl, and my scowl turns the blood of researchers into ice water. Hey, I'm really nice otherwise. I'm allowed to bite for this one thing!

If something is really obscure, I usually tell where it's found. There are some pamphlets and periodicals that are very rare, sometime so rare they exist in only one known copy. (Ever try and trace down the references in Peters' Theocratic Kingdom? I'd love to locate some of that stuff. It just doesn't exist.) I always check at worldcat.org for locations. If I think access will be an issue I give the location in a footnote, phrasing it something like:

"Dingle, Jones E: I Wrote This in a Snit and Published it to Tweak Your Nose, John Whiston and Sons, London, 1723, page 9. The copy I consulted is in the Jenks Memorial Collection."

See? That works. And it stops the nice "pretty please" emails asking where I found the thing, and it stops the will I please make a photocopy for them emails. It also addresses in advance any issues that might arise during peer review.

And, to get back on topic, POD and Lulu are nice for all the things listed so far.

Oh and to to Bradley! I like cowboys too! But my collection of Western History is quite small. Do you know who Loduska Mulkins Kimball was? And about the Vallicetos stage station? And about the Cyrus Batey Kimball's (aka kimble) murder? We're talking family here! Loduska was my umm oh heck great great great or something like that gramma.

I think I'm giving away too many pixie secrets with this post. You'll never hunt me down! We pixies know how to become invisible!

I have to disagree about subsidy publishers. Essentially, they're vanity publishers who claim they're putting forth some of the money to publish an author's work. In reality, the cost to print the book and do what they claim to do is significantly less than the reduced amount the author pays. So, in effect, they're lying about how much they invest so that the author pays less.

If you want a good looking book for family use or a very limited distribution, I recommend checking with local printers first. Ask if they can print and bind books. Get a price quote and look at one or more samples of their work. Odds are the samples will be just as good and the price will be less. If that means you have to get your own cover produced, then check out local artists. There's bound to be one whose style you like and is willing to do the job for a fee that, totaled to the printing cost, will still come in less than a subsidy publisher's price. Or you can go with something like Lulu or Kinko's if you need very few copies.

Dave -

I think you are confused by getting the wrong direction on the subsidy. The writer is subsidizing the publication. The publisher is not subsidizing the writer.

I wouldn't ask a local print shop to print your book. You'll get better results for less money by sending it to someone like Fidlar-Doubleday or Lightning Source.

In fact, most subsidy presses actually print their books at LSI. You, an individual, can use a POD printer, too. Just get the file formatted properly (and I understand that can be done by an amateur), and shove it off to the printer.

NB: subsidy presses like to call themselves POD publishers. This is NOT the same as a POD printer.

And, if you are considering self-publishing, you should definitely do some research FIRST. Publishing is very complicated, no matter how easy it looks from the outside.

I spend most of my professional life untangling messes for small and independent presses (not usually self-publishers) who have problems that they didn't see coming. And many of them have been in the business for years before starting their own company.

With so many hidden mistakes to make, you don't want to make mistakes that you can avoid easily.

Gah...but what if I have a book of stamps here, on my desk, that are old ones? There's still most of them left...I don't want to just trash them...or should I just use them for other things than sticking on a SASE?

Oh, the little things wannabes torture themselves with!

Oh that is brilliant!

I'm going to use my old ones to send George Clooney fan letters!

*snickers* ;D

Forever stamps may be good forever, but I'm not sure whether you can buy them forever. Or maybe you can, but they'll always be purchased at whatever the current postage rate is. So buy them now at 41 cents and save them for the SASEs and manuscript postage after the rates go up again.

Arrgghh. I'd like to do unmentionable things to the post office right now. I just bought a friggin' roll of stamps.

Good thing I still have 2c stamps leftover from the last rate increase.

Thanks for the heads-up, Miss Snark.

This whole querying process reminds me a little of the intense hazing depicted in movies like "An Officer and a Gentleman" that is not necessarily designed to choose the best but to see who can tolerate the most abuse.

There has to be a better way, one that assumes an aspiring writer -- no matter how many there are of us versus the agents -- actually might have the potential to produce some great books and, therefore is a process. If said assumption were the basis for the querying process, everyone would benefit.

I'm not saying I am that undiscovered, great writer. I'm sure I am not. All I'm saying is that the current system SUX BIG TIME! I'm sure many of you will jump all over me - Who the hell ar you?! - but I think I speak for more than just myself.

Despite the bullshit, I have remained professional and hopeful, working hard to improve my craft. But even if one of my 3 fulls out there right now hits paydirt, I believe there has to be a better way.

I bless the Miss Snarks of this world and the agents who have taken the time to write my name on a reject and/or have been thoughtful in creating their form letter (how hard is that anyway?)or written a personal note explaining how much they enjoyed the writing using specifics to show they've actually read it.

'The whole querying process' - sorry for all the mistakes - written pre-coffee -

I stocked up on the Longfellow stamps (http://tinyurl.com/2vwc43) just, like, a day before I learned about the forever stamp coming out soon. I figured: ooh, a writer, how quaint to put this on my SASEs. Alas, I will be dealing with penny stamps for a wee bit longer...

For those of you who, like me, just bought a book or roll of 39 cent stamps, I'd say go ahead and get some two-cent stamps to make up the difference and start putting those on your SASEs now. Of course, Tammy's idea is good, too. . .

Thanks for the heads-up on the Forever stamp, Miss Snark. What a cool idea that is!

Anonymous.... if you know a better way, then by all means, enlighten the world with your brilliance.

Sure there's a better way... but if it ain't broke, nobody's gonna fix it. The agents make money. The publishers make money. Even a few writers make money. There is no impetus for change.

When the first two stop making money... then it'll change.

Laughing at word verification: fxtgdi - FIX IT GOSH DARN IT! (insert appropriate blasphemy where you desire)

This is great for people living in the good ole U.S of A., but what about your northern neighbours? Can anyone tell me what postage will cost for a letter from the US to Canada, so I can place proper postage on my SASE's.

Thanks,
Cathy

I had no idea there were "forever" stamps. Thanks!

Given that I have a number of SASEs already prepared with 39 cent stamps, would it be a sin to tack two cent stamps onto them? I have a note in my Snark Log stating that an SASE should have only one stamp (of correct postage) on it.

anonymous -

Miss Snark has said this before - if there is a better way, then come up with it. She gave a breakdown on the amount of time she spends on slush under the current system, and whatever alternative there is has to require no extra time. Unless there is the real likelihood that the extra time will pay off with extra sales.

Agents who only respond if they are interested and agents who do not accept simultaneous queries are definitely being part of the problem in today's day and age, but they are not the majority of agents.

If you can write a decent query (not perfect but decent), send it to a lot of agents, perservere with multiple books, and continue to hone your craft, then if you write saleable stuff, you are likely to be published. If you leave out any one of those things, then you are not taking a professional approach, and you'd be likely to achieve mediocrity in any self-employed situation with that approach.

I'd love it if all agents made their own guidelines crystal clear, and were professional enough to at least respond with a form rejection to queries. So if what you mean by a better way is more clarity along these lines, I agree. But I highly doubt that there are many rejections that would have been acceptances if the agent had just been a little more clear with guidelines. And if writers are giving up because the querying process is difficult, an agent would have reason to believe that those writers might also give up when it came to publishers, book signings, meeting deadlines for future books, etc.

I started querying this week. If after many, many submissions, I don't have an agent, I'm not going to assume that it's because the system sucks.

EGP
http://www.edwardgtalbot.com

Rei--

I am certain that no editor of any worth will be distressed by an author putting a 39-cent plus 2-cent stamp on their SASE. I rather suspect they will note and admire the attention to detail such an act reveals, not to mention the implication that the author possesses the patience to wait at least 6 weeks for a reply.

Honestly--of all the hoops an author is expected to jump through on the route to publication, "controlling the USPS" is not one of them.

I don't get the idea of the forever stamp...

It will save you two sense if you happen to buy a few before the next rate increase but not after?

Missing the point here.

Is the USPS giving any sort of guarantee that these will be good forever? 'Cause I really wouldn't put it past them to change their minds a year or so from now, and no longer honour them...

Dang. Just sent out a requested partial and stuck a 39 cent and two one-cent stamps on the SASE. Wish the lady at the post office had mentioned the forever stamp.

Hopefully I won't get labeled a nitwit. At least I did put 41 cents on it. :)

Merlinsmuse, go to www.usps.com. They have all kinds of info, plus you can buy U.S. stamps online.

Arrrghhh...

It used to be I could actually get through an entire 100-stamp roll without having to buy more stamps.

Now I'm still working on a 37-cent roll, with a stack of 2-cent stamps to go with them. I have to go out and get another stack of 2-cent stamps??

Arrrrrghhhhh.....

Forever stamps seem to offer a way to protect capital from inflation. Buy stamps now with all those publishing profits and sell them later at the inflated price.

Agreed, but there should be exceptions. For ecmaple after running seven events in four says - I ended up in the hospital - nothing serious - for three days and missed the entire last contest. So if I had received an e-mails from you on a query - I would have missed the getting back to you for three or four days.

I even missed the funeral of a friend of mine who died the day I was admitted into the hospital.

Clarification: it's not just ONE email that was lying around unanswered for a week. For both these hosers it was four...one after the other.

I hope you're feeling better. If need be, the vat can be filled with chicken soup and we can toss you back in.

I was just about to settle into bed with a good book. Now I might sit awake all night, my eyes so huge, you'll be able to find me in the dark.

Blurbs? People who might write blurbs? I live in the middle of fucking nowhere. There are no blurb-writer people in these here parts. None. Not one.

Sorry KY; I know you just climbed down from the ceiling but I gotta let it rip.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!!!!

Damn, and I did not think you would mind.

I was getting around to it, I really was.

A rant from the other side of the coin--

Remarkably simple question, sent by me on Jan. 16: "Do you prefer e-mail queries or hard copy?"

WTF-style answer, sent by them MARCH 21: "Send by snail mail to their P.O. Box, but mark it 'E-mail Query' on the envelope.'"

Totally understandable then. It just seem like you to drop someone after two days of no response to one e-mail. And I'm fine. Just my periodic dopamine drop when my stimulation levels drop..

I hope people don't come after you with Great Irony Pitchforks. You're not being unreasonable. Not only do you want to work with people whose stuff you can sell, you want to work with people who will act like professionals.

If they don't return your e-mails in the honeymoon stage, it's a fair projection that you may not be able to reach them after you have started a huge bidding war for their work (G-d willing) -- when your reputation is on the line.

Nobody wants to look like a nitwit, especially not our sweet smells-like-gin-at-9am Miss Snark.

Professionalism is expected in every other business, why would people not expect it in publishing?

I live near the Arctic Circle and I have several potential blurb-writers I've met through my blog. With the advent of the Internet, we're limited only by our imaginations now.

I think that's perfectly reasonable. Me, short of a full-scale disaster (which I'm not discounting, my life tends to do awful things when I least need it), I'd be checking my email every twenty minutes to see if you'd sent me an email. And if you sent me an email saying "send me this"...I'd probably reply about fifteen minutes later saying "just put it in the mail". I'm just obsessive that way...

You're not being unreasonable, Miss Snark. Fair or not, the truth is (as you've said), there are more of us than there are of you. With such fierce competition, why give an agent any reason--ANY reason--to reject you? Sure, good writing trumps all, but even so, once you've got that down, you're still not the only good writer on the planet. You still have to step up and be a pro.

People who don't get back clearly wish to be elsewhere. Damned if I'm going to kill myself trying to get in their way.

I wonder how many people out there needed this post... obviously two. I bet many, many more.

For those of you who are thinking, "An agent takes her/his sweet time getting back to me and then they demand response time from me? The nerve!" Well, here's the deal:

You control how you respond, how professional you are. That is all that matters, to start with; that is all we have as querying writers or writers submitting full manuscripts or writers nearing contractual agreement. To start with. But once established and if an agent is unprofessional when it comes to time, there are other agents out there after the contract expires. So although there can be a double standard to begin with, sometimes that standard can come back to hurt the agent.

In short, patience is a writer's best friend—not only at the beginning while waiting for representation or a book deal but throughout the entire process.

This is another reason for attending conferences. Several authors I have met through conferences have been willing to blurb my book. Keep in mind this was AFTER I became agented.
Anyone who has read my blog can see the flurry of activity that happens after signing with an agent. A writer needs to be prepared for this. Yes you might be ill but when a publisher needs you to edit your work in a timely manner being ill is not an option. I can totally understand an agent being unwilling to take a chance on a client who can't be prompt with the easy stuff like bios and synopses.
This is a business after all.

Sounds like anyone with an overzealous spam filter or problems with their internet connection is pretty screwed, then.

I'd be willing to bet a lot of money that these authors never saw your emails.

Your commenters are so understanding, Miss Snark!

Not me, though. A pox on thee in the form of squirrelly infestation. (For all the reasons you supplied.)

Will you at least cite the real reason in your rejection, or warn them, "If you don't get with the program, it's into the snarkerator with you!" I know they SHOULD be professional from the start, but maybe a kick in the ass is all they need. Agents are supposed to provide some degree of guidance, and sometimes that means tough love.

I feel so bad for these poor idiots.

It seems a little harsh to cut people loose on April Fool's day. What if they think it's a joke?

You don't know if this person had a family emergency that is taking up all their attention or if they're on holiday far away from computers making them unable to respond.

Are you required to send your vacation schedule in your query to avoid this type of thing?

This will age me, but RSVP-ing is just good manners.

Seems like common courtesy is sorely lacking on both sides, then.

Whenever I've received an email from an agent requesting more material to be sent via snail mail, I always pop a quick email to let them know it's on its way.

One of the agents who currently has some requested material has had it for way too long (seriously -- it's just a partial). I status queried and was told that it's still under consideration. Okay, good. But if this potential relationship would begin to move forward, I would be constantly comparing the reponse time to the other agents who have my material. People with good communication skills tend to exhibit them no matter what the situation, no matter how busy.

And on this side of the contract, promptness and courtesy are huge factors, too.

My inclination would be to respond immediately (like Kate hehe) but if I had been dealing with an agent that took time to respond then I would presume that set the tone and that it was okay for me to also take a bit of time to think things over. Clearly I would be mistaken LOL

I think this is perfectly reasonable. The biz is tough enough without knowingly taking on flakes.

And I'm sure Miss Snark has different standards for long-established clients. Going back to the dating metaphor, if you find out on the second date that the other person has a drinking problem, that's pretty much the end. If said person develops drinking problem after several years of marriage, you're going to try to work through it.

Quietly writing makes me wonder what the etiquette is when the agent emails a request to forward a partial via snail mail. Just happened to me (my other partial requests have been to submit via email). It was also my first form request for a partial (I almost didn't read past "Dear Author" but was glad when I did).

Does a request like that need to be acknowledged by email, or does just sending the material suffice? Guess I don't want to annoy an agent by taking up her time to read a personal acknowledgement to a form request for material that will be arriving in a couple of days anyway ...

I am at heart a very polite person, but I'm just not sure how much communication is invited by any kind of form response.

Sounds reasonable to me. *shrugging*

Now, here's the type of client that Miss Snark is looking for:

A writer comes home to a burned down house. His sobbing and slightly-singed wife is standing outside. "What happened, honey?" the man asks.

"Oh, John, it was terrible," she weeps. "I was cooking, the phone rang. It was your agent. Because I was on the phone, I didn't notice the stove was on fire. It went up in second. Everything is gone. I nearly didn't make it out of the house. Poor Fluffy is--"

"Wait, wait. Back up a minute," The man says. "My agent called?"

You called this a rant but i found your post to be very honest and rational... I like that you let us in on your thinking at this deeper level...

Does anyone else remember Miss Snark just a couple of days ago recommending a client who was uncomfortable in the situation to stay with an agent going through a divorce? To call the agent and have a heart-to-heart? And didn't she mention to give the guy a break because it wasn't like the client's book was in a 5-way auction at the time?

Maybe Miss Snark should try a phone call to these clients first (unless THEY are in 5-way auction deals) just to make sure it isn't a spam filter problem. Give them a chance to explain and, if the explanations don't hold water, THEN cut the cord -- and cut it FAST. After all, it's a business deal. One chance is all my business partners ever get. But they do get the one chance at least to make things right.

quietly writing has a good point. For writers who can pick and choose, those agents with the best response time might seem the most attractive.

Let's all remember it's not a spam filter problem cause they DO respond..it just takes a week at least to hear back on really minor details.

I'm not eager to shove prospects overboard...my entire livelihood depends on having clients and selling their work.

What I need though are clients who are on the ball so that when we ARE in a five way auction, and I need prompt responses, I'm confident (based on past behaviour, NOT promises of reform!) that will happen.

Great post, Miss Snark. We still don't hate you. If I get an email request, I usually get it back to them within an hour; and a hard copy request I hand-deliver the same day or the next (I pretend I'm a messenger!). Don't some of these agents that take longer than 5 months to get back to us realize that we're going to reject them? I want to work with someone as fast as me.

I don't know how any of the writers commenting and complaining have a leg to stand on. We already had several math lessons. Repeat?

Agent: 100 queries on desk at any given moment. Takes 1 week - 3 months to respond.

Writer: 1 or 2 agents on desk at any given moment if you're golden. Damn well better respond right away. I guarantee you that when Miss Snark finds someone she wants to represent, she emails/ calls/ contacts them right away - the delay was in getting to your material, not in the response time.

I'm a professional artist and if I ran my business like these authors did, my clients wouldn't appreciate it either. You email on the same day if you can, and if you're out of the house for any length of time on business, etc., set up an auto-response on your email so people know why you're gone.

Seems to me that clueguns should be sounding all over the free world right now.

Hell, I even drop my friends if they don't respond to email a few times in a row. I mean, am I really going to keep talking to myself? Shouting into the electronic void waiting for some paltry validation of my existence? Fuck that. Every episode of South Park is available on You Tube.

It amazes me that writers would not answer emails right away. Heck I sit at my desk all day WAITING for emails to arrive. Maybe other people have lives or jobs or they leave the house, I don't know. But still, you'd think that after all the waiting you do in this business that a person would answer email so fast that Miss Snark's head would spin.

Oh my GOSH. I cannot believe people don't get back to their agent.

People. I had my BlackBerry in the hospital with me when I GAVE BIRTH. I emailed my agent within hours of having my daughter to let her know she needed to run interference for me with the publisher.

We happened to sell my book the same week I had my daughter.

If I am going to be incredibly busy or away from the computer, I have a plan in place. This is a business, not a hobby.

I have an emergency plan in place, just like any other business!

I can almost understand agents taking their time responding to queries(not MY agent, mind you, she rocks)... they don't know us, we aren't in a relationship.

But once you are in even the barest of relationships with someone (doctor, teacher, neighbour, garbage man), to not respond is RUDE.

I think I would actually take a week off of work just so I could monitor my email for a contract. It wouldn't take me 4 minutes, let alone 4 days to get back to you. Some people are just either: too self important or too stupid to deal with.

Eek! Now I am totally paranoid. I have a 3 week trip planned, no internet, does that mean I might come back to civilization to find I missed my window of opportunity. Closed. Slammed shut. Sign in the window reading--if you wanted an agent, you should have stayed home.

Before vacation, should we notify agents who MIGHT want to contact us amd give them our itinerary and name of next of kin?

No!
I reiterate: this was a multiple event occurance and a pattern of behaviour. NOT a one time deal.

Look, even I go on vacation and leave you all to stew without me. I leave the phone and email to stew too.

(I tell people I'm going, but there's always something that pops up but hey, that's life).

When I come back if someone was waiting I say "hey, I was on vacation, sorry to be delayed getting back to you".

The key piece of information is that delay is NOT the normal practice here.

I've had LOTS of people get back to me after a week or ten days. Most say something like "I was on a moon flight, sorry I missed your call" etc.

It's NOT a problem.

But, when you wait a week, respond with no reason for the delay; respond a week later to a second email; ten days later to another---THAT is when I start to get ...suspicious.

If you're reading this blog and getting paranoid, you don't have to worry.


And remember, again, NONE of this is at the query stage, the partial stage or even the full stage. It's AFTER that when I'm actually considering if you're a good match for how I work.

The very fact you understand it's a problem means it won't be a problem.

What, you expect every writer to be panting at their desk, every minute absorbed in waiting for an answer from some person who's had their work for a millennia?!

I work away from email - readings, workshops, (writing) trips. I might be in the boondocks earning a living. If a writer is busy that's a good thing, surely.

You call it a rant, I call it helpful insight.

Seriously though, if a person has gone through all the effort and followed the procedures to get an agent, and has a one intrested, why blow it by not promptly answering email.

That seems crazy but its not as though they did not deserve it. Agents , I assume, need people who are organised and business like . If you can not be bothered to check and answer emails then its your own hard luck surely.

For both these hosers it was four...one after the other.

These two guys are Canadian, eh?

You know what I think? The authors are stalling Miss Snark because they're waiting for decisions from other agents. That's the only reason (barring death, dismemberment and divorce) for not responding to an email right away. I'm betting Miss Snark's Dear Author letters came as no surprise to these guys.

Miss Snark after finding herself being habitually ignored by a potential cliant, in a fit of rage, quotes Ben Affleck as Chuckie in Good Will Hunting:

"Let me tell ya something. You're suspect! Yeah you. I don't know what your reputation is in this town, but after the sh*t you tried to pull today you can bet I'll be looking into you."

mmm...okay. so the scenario is, four emails dispatched over four weeks ignored. after you've been through the query/partial/full review and discussion process with these writers, and they know you're trying to decide whether to take them on as clients--for realio trulio--or not?

my guess is, they've got other irons in other fires, representationwise.

but writers and artists can be flaky--especially early in their careers, before the importance of professionalism has been painfully hammered into them. i speak from experience.

am kind of surprised (reading between the lines a little) that y'all have gotten that far in the process without phone conversation, though. for sanity/chemistry testing, if nothing else.

You know what I think? The authors are stalling Miss Snark because they're waiting for decisions from other agents. That's the only reason (barring death, dismemberment and divorce) for not responding to an email right away. I'm betting Miss Snark's Dear Author letters came as no surprise to these guys.

Then here's a bit of advice for anyone considering doing this: DON'T. You can let the agent know you're looking at all the offers before you make a decision, but you have to let the agents actually know something. Don't leave them hanging.

People. I had my BlackBerry in the hospital with me when I GAVE BIRTH. I emailed my agent within hours of having my daughter to let her know she needed to run interference for me with the publisher.

We happened to sell my book the same week I had my daughter.

If I am going to be incredibly busy or away from the computer, I have a plan in place. This is a business, not a hobby.





But that's part of the problem. If you're not published, it *is* a hobby. One that you'd like to turn into a business, yes, but until then, we have day jobs. If I sold something, sure, I'd buy a blackberry -- having people able to reach me more easily would be worth it. Until then, however, it's just a potential career, and not one that I can afford to be sinking large amounts of cash into.

That's no excuse for not checking your email; however, it's fair to say that all people are not created with equal access to the net.

The other irons thing sounds about right.
Not professional to tell that they're waiting on response.

If I ever get to that stage with an agent, I'll have to make it clear that they should call me instead of email. Either that, or I should create a separate email address only for corresponding with an agent. Or I should give out special instructions as to the subject line.

My email comes in volumes too large for me to be sure of a response time of less than a week (I'm not talking about spam, I'm mostly talking about weirdos who think I will go to Canada and personally investigate their giant beaver sighting). And scanning down the column of entries doesn't always make the important stuff jump out right away, either.

Did you'all notice how emotional Miss Snark was about this? She was pissed. Really pissed. How dare someone blow her off for a week? When one gets emotional, one has hit a weak/sore spot. Something to think about.

I'm not sure "emotion" is something I normally associate with "Miss Snark."

Rather, did you notice how SNARKY Miss Snark got over this? I'm guessing this has happened before, and they weren't all Canadian.

It seems to be straight-forward. For the author/agent relationship to work, it needs to be of equal importance on both sides. An habitual lack of responsiveness on either side suggests the sense of import is not there. That should be sufficient to give the other party pause for thought.

If Miss Snark seemed extra snarky about this, it may be because she's gone through a lot already with these unprofessional losers (or hosers). She's read partials. She's read fulls. She's read those fulls (entire novels, we're talkin') more than once. She's considered offering representation. That means she loved their projects enough to put her neck on the block for them. She spent time on them that she could have spent on other projects, and she may feel that a lot of her time was wasted.

And these guys couldn't bother to sit their sorry butts in the chair and answer her e-mails promptly. So yeah, I'd be pissed, too.

There's a lot of talent out here. Whether we like it or not, agents can choose to work with pros and skip the slackers.

And if anonymous is right and said slackers/hosers had other irons in the fire, they still erred because publishing is a small world and word gets around. This is business. You gotta step up and be a grown-up.

OK a couple of points.
One I'm Canadian and no one used Hosers other than Bob & Doug.

Not to respond is unprofessional and they deserve to be dumped.

Now a question for KY's Momma.
What if you as an agent are told or find out an author is weighing the choices of one or more agents as well as yourself? Do you wait for their selection or do you cut them from your list?

sand storm - Miss Snark has blogged about this before. If she finds out that a writer has offers from multiple agents, it just means that if she wants to sign that writer, she will have to convince them that she's the best one to represent them. It's far from an auto-reject; on the contrary, it may spur her to read the ms faster. She still has to love the material, though.

Just a couple of for instances. I spent 2 months in New Zealand visiting my sister. I din't discover for 2 weeks that my family was not getting my emails. Outlook 03 sent them (supposedly) but where, I don't know. I had to use my online email to send messages that actually got through.
I have just returned from a week in Colorado and discovered email sent from Outlook did not go through. I can find no explanation for this anywhere, but have decided when I want something to go and I am on a different ISP, I had better go online to send email.
I have also had email from my sister blocked by my ISP for no reason that the ISP could give.
Frustrating, yes, but unintentional regardless. Sometimes, s**t happens.

I think there is a key point everyone has missed so far. The problem isn't the slow response time per se.

It's the fact that the slow responder does not provide a reason for their slow responses. They can have all the legit excuses in the world - death, dismemberment, divorce, whatever - but they aren't keeping Miss Snark in the loop. If she were properly informed as to why the response is so slow, she would be much more patient. Even supposing that someone fails to respond for three weeks, due to being involuntarily offline for whatever reason. The proper thing to do is to apologize for it immediately after Internet access is restored. "I'm sorry for taking so long to respond, but..."

But instead, these two losers are behaving as if their slow responses are normal and acceptable behavior. It's not, and the fact that they don't understand that (yet?) is what makes them losers.

This is something that applies to a lot of situations in life, not just agent courting.

Its not like the average writer has a stack of requests for their writing from agents they have to sift through before getting back to their agent, or a prospective agent. If they did, what are they sending out query letters for. Either you're writing to be published and make money, or you aren't.