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With the Forts series wrapped up, I've moved onto something else, and believe it or not that something else is getting released in March!


Goats Eat Cans is coming soon!

What the heck is Goats Eat Cans and why should you care about it?Trust me when I tell you that you're going to like this thing.

If you hated Forts and you hate me for writing Forts, you're still going to like this.

Goats Eat Cans isn't Forts. It's nothing like Forts.Nothing at all.

Click the picture below to head over the official Goats site.You won't regret it.


Maybe.

By Adam Rosen A little over three weeks ago, Hurricane Irene passed through New York City. Although residents greeted warnings from authorities with wildly varying degrees of seriousness, their response was nearly uniform: hunker down. Even for those types relishing the chance to buck official admonishment, there wasn’t much point. Concerts were canceled, beaches were closed, and untold numbers of brunches went unserved. I wasn’t, in truth, all that bothered by the state of affairs.

Q: What shouts "Goth" more than a scary graveyard statue of an angel?

A: A statue of an angel with a deliciously nerdy reference... ; D
(Most goths I know are uber-nerds as well, so the two go hand in hand, naturally....)

If you’re like most people, you’ve had many different hobbies in your life. Some of them were athletic, some were intellectual, and others are probably best left unsaid. But if you’re like me, you’ve probably come to notice that nearly any hobby you might choose suffers from one critical weakness:

The presence of other people always screws them up. 

It doesn’t matter if you are hiking, rock climbing, playing Axis and Allies, or what.  If it involves other people, there is always at least one idiot who won’t take it seriously, or always has to ‘win’, or for some reason or other makes you want to kick their head in. In relationships this is true as well, but that’s another article.

So anyway, it’s 2009, and the problem of finding good entertainment is worse than ever. We’re in a depression, and can’t afford anything fun. Doing things outside is dicey, since a lot of us live in areas where the weather is terrible most of the time, and even when the weather is good, people on the street will beat you senseless and rob you. Not because those people need the money, but because it’s like saying hello – at least here in Wilmington, and where you live probably isn’t too much different. 

It’s hell. So under circumstances like this, what do you do to entertain yourself that is safe, cheap, and involves as little human interaction as possible?

Why, there’s only one thing you can do… go back to your roots, acquire a really old version of Dungeons and Dragons, and play it by yourself!

Why is this Hobby Awesome?

1. Every guy with even the slightest bit of imagination, deep inside, loves the concept of Dungeons and Dragons. Even if you don’t like fantasy, you get to kill things, take their crap, and face no consequences. Even most women would like the experience if they really gave it a try. Well, probably not. Screw them.

2. Rolling dice, writing stuff down, and having some interest in doing so will take you back in time if you’re over 30. You’ll feel like you’re 11 again. If you’re under 30 and have spent some time being broke, it might do the same.

3. You’ll get to use your imagination, which does not get exercised at all by computer games (except for roguelikes which you also need to play, if you haven’t already). With a pen and paper experience, you can picture the damp, dark hallways and imagine the groups confusion when surprised by some giant, nasty beastie. If you want to get all nerdy about it, you can even maintain a history of what your individual characters accomplish, so that they get some depth over time and take on some life.

4. It’s free and you can do it anywhere as long as you have a flat surface and your materials. You don’t even need electricity. As long as you have light, you can do it in a basement while drinking tea, for chrissake. Any hobby which can be performed in a basement with a cup of tea next to you is Win.

Why wouldn’t I want to tell anyone that I do this?

1. It’s Dungeons and Dragons, and you’re probably a reasonably functioning adult. You not only will get laughed at, you will also become re-acquainted with another activity that you indulged in as a kid – getting your ass kicked by people who are bigger than you are. And that’s just the men… all that is nothing compared to how girls will treat you.

2. It’s an activity which is designed for more than one person, and you’re doing it by yourself. Something like that never looks good. Does having a tea party by yourself look good? Does playing football by yourself look good? No, it doesn’t. So stay quiet.

3. You’re going to be playing a version of Dungeons and Dragons which went out of print about 20 years ago (I’ll get into why later). It means that even game nerds, who are on the absolute bottom of the social totem pole, will spit on you because they will not consider you to be relevant.

Wow! Playing a really old version of Dungeons and Dragons by myself sounds Awesome as long as I don’t tell anyone! How do I do it?

You need the following materials:

First Edition D&D Players Handbook, Dungeon Masters Guide, and Monster Manual (All available on E-Bay for about $40 total)

Dice which have the following number of sides: (4, 6 (get 3 of them), 8, 10 (get 2 of these), 12, and 20). They should be available at your local gaming store for about $5 total. Yes, they still have gaming stores if you look. They’re like peep shows… the people who have that need, know where to go to fulfill it. And just like peep shows, you’ll see a lot of awkward, pasty looking men scuttling out of the front door with brown paper bags under their arms. Don’t look anyone in the eye.

A table, a pencil, some paper, and a room where you can be sure that no one will walk in on you. Wherever you go to look at porn is probably the ideal place for something like this, too.

Some randomly generated dungeons which can be found at http://donjon.bin.sh/d20/dungeon/. The resulting dungeons are created for a rule set which is much newer than yours will be, but it’s easy enough to create house rules on any monsters/experience points which are not covered specifically in the dungeon descriptions. Commercial dungeons made for solo adventures are also OK, but there aren’t many of them and a disproportionate amount of them suck.

A critical hit table which can be found here:http://www.angelfire.com/dragon3/vinifera/critical_hit_table_2e.pdf . What that will do is, if an attack against a monster (or against you) is really, really successful, it can result in an arm being sliced off or something – which adds to the flavor big time.

Then play away, Dungeon Master! Don’t read the room descriptions, just move around the map and read each description as you enter. If a room contains a secret door or hidden treasure, roll a 6 sided die for every party member – if you roll a one, the door or treasure is detected. Create groups of at least 8 characters, because with bad luck and critical hits, the mortality rate will be high.

Warnings

Dungeons and Dragons has a lame reputation for a reason. If there is anything you take from all this, read the following and be sure to remember it well!

First of all, I am not talking about playing D&D in a group. Do not finish this article then run out and join the first pack of neckbeards that you can find. You will suffer, and everyone around you will suffer, and the most tragic aspect of it all will be that it could have been avoided.

Let me explain:

D&D was originally based on miniature war gaming. When it was first conceived of, play was 99% built around the idea that you go into some dark hole, indiscriminately kill monsters who are all ugly and all bad, become more skilled, then crawl into another dark hole to apply what you learned in the last one. Simple, right? It’s more than simple, it’s Awesome. In fact, everything should work like that. Life would be much shorter, but it would be interesting and have some sort of meaning.

However, over time, the group game evolved away from that idea. Nowadays, the average D&D player is even more poorly adjusted to society than I am. They don’t like fighting monsters unless the odds overwhelmingly favor them. They throw fits if their characters die, and worst of all, they enjoy going into imaginary towns and posturing in front of imaginary villagers. This causes conversations that are so lame, so ridiculous, that they defy description. For example, once in a while you’ll get some guy who wants his character to get laid, so he sits in a tavern and tries and get with some buxom tavern wench who is, of course, being played by a another neckbeard who is sitting on the other side of the table behind a cardboard screen. Neither the person playing the male character or the one playing the buxom wench has any experience with women and dating. The banter at the table goes like this:

Keith: “OK Seth, so you go into a tavern and sit down. This girl comes over to you and she’s got really big boobs and long black hair… ummm… and she stands close to you and she’s like, ‘Hey’.”

Seth: “What’s her comeliness?”

The crackling sound of rolling dice issues from behind the cardboard screen. I am seated at the middle of the table between the two neckbeards and look down at my hands with a grim expression, since I know how this story will end. I set my lips into a tight line and begin using the dice in front of me to build little towers, in an effort to ignore the conversation.

Keith: “15. No, she’s hotter than that, like 16, 17.”

Seth (blushing): “Dayummmmmm! Hehehehe. OK, so I say ‘hey’.”

Keith (as Buxom Wench): “Hey… ummm… you’re really hot. What’s your name?”

Seth (in his deepest voice): “I am Lord Comforter, prince of Down and hero of Qwertyuiop, and I am at your service!

Seth again: “Hey Keith, I like, lean over and press up against her boob to let her know I like her.”

Keith (giggling and blushing): “OK. So she presses back and leans over so you can see down her dress and then she’s like, ermm… That’s a big sword you have there. Do you have any other.. ummmmmmmmmm…. weapons?”

Seth (flustered): “Well, I have this bow and erm, a magical war hammer, and ermmmmm… ”

Keith (blushing so hard that he can barely talk): “No, Seth, she didn’t mean it like that. She meant it like…”

The conversation is broken by the sound of breaking glass. I have just smashed a bottle on the edge of the table, and am waving the jagged end at the other players with a wild gleam in my eye. Again.

Me: “For the love of God… that’s enough. Stop. OK? You need to stop. I will kill you both!”

10% of group Dungeons and Dragons is enjoyable. The rest consists of interactions just like that and you will end them just like I do, by threatening to kill people and being 100% serious about it. Where I’m going with all this is that while playing on your own is awesome, playing in a group is not the same experience.

Second, I am not talking about playing a new version of Dungeons and Dragons. Yes, I know you’re by yourself, but show some self-respect and play like a man. You want an old as hell version, with rudimentary character classes, rules that are simple and written by guys who would have done so for free, and no character motivation other than a desire to clean out random dungeons, kill stuff, and get more powerful. It’s that, or it’s nothing at all. Role playing and using exotic characters smacks of having a tea party with dolls, and you will have none of it if you want to have a Socially Frowned Upon hobby that is Awesome and not one that sucks.

So that’s it. You are now ready to play a really old version of Dungeons and Dragons in the most Awesome way possible – one that involves no kind of interaction at all with other people. Now get out there, cover a table with weird looking dice, homemade character sheets, and some crude rulebooks that are at least 25 years old, and get to it! 

And don’t tell anyone.

If you’re like most people, you’ve had many different hobbies in your life. Some of them were athletic, some were intellectual, and others are probably best left unsaid. But if you’re like me, you’ve probably come to notice that nearly any hobby you might choose suffers from one critical weakness:

The presence of other people always screws them up. 

It doesn’t matter if you are hiking, rock climbing, playing Axis and Allies, or what.  If it involves other people, there is always at least one idiot who won’t take it seriously, or always has to ‘win’, or for some reason or other makes you want to kick their head in. In relationships this is true as well, but that’s another article.

So anyway, it’s 2009, and the problem of finding good entertainment is worse than ever. We’re in a depression, and can’t afford anything fun. Doing things outside is dicey, since a lot of us live in areas where the weather is terrible most of the time, and even when the weather is good, people on the street will beat you senseless and rob you. Not because those people need the money, but because it’s like saying hello – at least here in Wilmington, and where you live probably isn’t too much different. 

It’s hell. So under circumstances like this, what do you do to entertain yourself that is safe, cheap, and involves as little human interaction as possible?

Why, there’s only one thing you can do… go back to your roots, acquire a really old version of Dungeons and Dragons, and play it by yourself!

Why is this Hobby Awesome?

1. Every guy with even the slightest bit of imagination, deep inside, loves the concept of Dungeons and Dragons. Even if you don’t like fantasy, you get to kill things, take their crap, and face no consequences. Even most women would like the experience if they really gave it a try. Well, probably not. Screw them.

2. Rolling dice, writing stuff down, and having some interest in doing so will take you back in time if you’re over 30. You’ll feel like you’re 11 again. If you’re under 30 and have spent some time being broke, it might do the same.

3. You’ll get to use your imagination, which does not get exercised at all by computer games (except for roguelikes which you also need to play, if you haven’t already). With a pen and paper experience, you can picture the damp, dark hallways and imagine the groups confusion when surprised by some giant, nasty beastie. If you want to get all nerdy about it, you can even maintain a history of what your individual characters accomplish, so that they get some depth over time and take on some life.

4. It’s free and you can do it anywhere as long as you have a flat surface and your materials. You don’t even need electricity. As long as you have light, you can do it in a basement while drinking tea, for chrissake. Any hobby which can be performed in a basement with a cup of tea next to you is Win.

Why wouldn’t I want to tell anyone that I do this?

1. It’s Dungeons and Dragons, and you’re probably a reasonably functioning adult. You not only will get laughed at, you will also become re-acquainted with another activity that you indulged in as a kid – getting your ass kicked by people who are bigger than you are. And that’s just the men… all that is nothing compared to how girls will treat you.

2. It’s an activity which is designed for more than one person, and you’re doing it by yourself. Something like that never looks good. Does having a tea party by yourself look good? Does playing football by yourself look good? No, it doesn’t. So stay quiet.

3. You’re going to be playing a version of Dungeons and Dragons which went out of print about 20 years ago (I’ll get into why later). It means that even game nerds, who are on the absolute bottom of the social totem pole, will spit on you because they will not consider you to be relevant.

Wow! Playing a really old version of Dungeons and Dragons by myself sounds Awesome as long as I don’t tell anyone! How do I do it?

You need the following materials:

First Edition D&D Players Handbook, Dungeon Masters Guide, and Monster Manual (All available on E-Bay for about $40 total)

Dice which have the following number of sides: (4, 6 (get 3 of them), 8, 10 (get 2 of these), 12, and 20). They should be available at your local gaming store for about $5 total. Yes, they still have gaming stores if you look. They’re like peep shows… the people who have that need, know where to go to fulfill it. And just like peep shows, you’ll see a lot of awkward, pasty looking men scuttling out of the front door with brown paper bags under their arms. Don’t look anyone in the eye.

A table, a pencil, some paper, and a room where you can be sure that no one will walk in on you. Wherever you go to look at porn is probably the ideal place for something like this, too.

Some randomly generated dungeons which can be found at http://donjon.bin.sh/d20/dungeon/. The resulting dungeons are created for a rule set which is much newer than yours will be, but it’s easy enough to create house rules on any monsters/experience points which are not covered specifically in the dungeon descriptions. Commercial dungeons made for solo adventures are also OK, but there aren’t many of them and a disproportionate amount of them suck.

A critical hit table which can be found here:http://www.angelfire.com/dragon3/vinifera/critical_hit_table_2e.pdf . What that will do is, if an attack against a monster (or against you) is really, really successful, it can result in an arm being sliced off or something – which adds to the flavor big time.

Then play away, Dungeon Master! Don’t read the room descriptions, just move around the map and read each description as you enter. If a room contains a secret door or hidden treasure, roll a 6 sided die for every party member – if you roll a one, the door or treasure is detected. Create groups of at least 8 characters, because with bad luck and critical hits, the mortality rate will be high.

Warnings

Dungeons and Dragons has a lame reputation for a reason. If there is anything you take from all this, read the following and be sure to remember it well!

First of all, I am not talking about playing D&D in a group. Do not finish this article then run out and join the first pack of neckbeards that you can find. You will suffer, and everyone around you will suffer, and the most tragic aspect of it all will be that it could have been avoided.

Let me explain:

D&D was originally based on miniature war gaming. When it was first conceived of, play was 99% built around the idea that you go into some dark hole, indiscriminately kill monsters who are all ugly and all bad, become more skilled, then crawl into another dark hole to apply what you learned in the last one. Simple, right? It’s more than simple, it’s Awesome. In fact, everything should work like that. Life would be much shorter, but it would be interesting and have some sort of meaning.

However, over time, the group game evolved away from that idea. Nowadays, the average D&D player is even more poorly adjusted to society than I am. They don’t like fighting monsters unless the odds overwhelmingly favor them. They throw fits if their characters die, and worst of all, they enjoy going into imaginary towns and posturing in front of imaginary villagers. This causes conversations that are so lame, so ridiculous, that they defy description. For example, once in a while you’ll get some guy who wants his character to get laid, so he sits in a tavern and tries and get with some buxom tavern wench who is, of course, being played by a another neckbeard who is sitting on the other side of the table behind a cardboard screen. Neither the person playing the male character or the one playing the buxom wench has any experience with women and dating. The banter at the table goes like this:

Keith: “OK Seth, so you go into a tavern and sit down. This girl comes over to you and she’s got really big boobs and long black hair… ummm… and she stands close to you and she’s like, ‘Hey’.”

Seth: “What’s her comeliness?”

The crackling sound of rolling dice issues from behind the cardboard screen. I am seated at the middle of the table between the two neckbeards and look down at my hands with a grim expression, since I know how this story will end. I set my lips into a tight line and begin using the dice in front of me to build little towers, in an effort to ignore the conversation.

Keith: “15. No, she’s hotter than that, like 16, 17.”

Seth (blushing): “Dayummmmmm! Hehehehe. OK, so I say ‘hey’.”

Keith (as Buxom Wench): “Hey… ummm… you’re really hot. What’s your name?”

Seth (in his deepest voice): “I am Lord Comforter, prince of Down and hero of Qwertyuiop, and I am at your service!

Seth again: “Hey Keith, I like, lean over and press up against her boob to let her know I like her.”

Keith (giggling and blushing): “OK. So she presses back and leans over so you can see down her dress and then she’s like, ermm… That’s a big sword you have there. Do you have any other.. ummmmmmmmmm…. weapons?”

Seth (flustered): “Well, I have this bow and erm, a magical war hammer, and ermmmmm… ”

Keith (blushing so hard that he can barely talk): “No, Seth, she didn’t mean it like that. She meant it like…”

The conversation is broken by the sound of breaking glass. I have just smashed a bottle on the edge of the table, and am waving the jagged end at the other players with a wild gleam in my eye. Again.

Me: “For the love of God… that’s enough. Stop. OK? You need to stop. I will kill you both!”

10% of group Dungeons and Dragons is enjoyable. The rest consists of interactions just like that and you will end them just like I do, by threatening to kill people and being 100% serious about it. Where I’m going with all this is that while playing on your own is awesome, playing in a group is not the same experience.

Second, I am not talking about playing a new version of Dungeons and Dragons. Yes, I know you’re by yourself, but show some self-respect and play like a man. You want an old as hell version, with rudimentary character classes, rules that are simple and written by guys who would have done so for free, and no character motivation other than a desire to clean out random dungeons, kill stuff, and get more powerful. It’s that, or it’s nothing at all. Role playing and using exotic characters smacks of having a tea party with dolls, and you will have none of it if you want to have a Socially Frowned Upon hobby that is Awesome and not one that sucks.

So that’s it. You are now ready to play a really old version of Dungeons and Dragons in the most Awesome way possible – one that involves no kind of interaction at all with other people. Now get out there, cover a table with weird looking dice, homemade character sheets, and some crude rulebooks that are at least 25 years old, and get to it! 

And don’t tell anyone.

The winner for the "Nerd or Geek" challenge is:

Marcus Hadlock!

Congratulations to Marcus Hadlock. I chose Marcus' "Uber-Nerd" as the winner for the Nerd or Geek challenge. The Uber-Nerd had it all going on. Tape on his glasses, acne, huge ears, pants too short, pens in his shirt, braces, a wedgie... Nice work, Marcus.

You artists really pulled through on this one! It was so hard to choose - so many great nerds! Thank you for sharing your wonderful talents with us.

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After years of name calling Morton made it his life goal to get access to the button. So don't call him yellow, nerd, or geek; he will push the button. You ask me what button I speak of? I tell you, man, it is THE one.

10.5 x 5.5 Pen and ink, and digital color.

It has been awhile and it is good to be back.

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I know both of them.
They don't know each other.
One is a nerd.

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if u want to try solving this game, try turning me upside-down!

bella's blog & awesome links

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So... Carpe diem? Finding myself with time and borrowing inspiration from two themes, here is Eustacius Q. Harrington, straight A student and Dungeon Master. He is also a friend of Mr. Spoon.

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The new challenge is:

Nerd!

Give us your illustration of a nerd or a geek.

The "Old Me" challenge is over. The new challenge is "Cute Object" and ends on September 21, 2009. The "Cute Object" challenge continues for another week and ends on September 14, 2009.

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 Older men, younger women. This seems to be the norm, back in days of old when a farmer’s wife died, they took on a younger wife because they were able bodied and child bearing. The younger women could do what we now call “Multi-Tasking”. They would cook, clean, take care of the house, the garden, the yard, the animals, have children and raise them, and service their husband. For many years this was nothing that was frowned upon. Men did this thing all of the time for the benefit of the family. Children were taught to do everything both in and out of the farm. The more children you had, the more help you had. Large families were encouraged.

But Now…

 Old man step aside…Mama wants fresh meat!!! Older women have ditched their “Golf Bags” for the caddies. Gone are the days where older women would rather rock their grand kids to sleep in their rocking chairs. Now they want to go out with their grand kids and hang out with rockers. Gone are the days of identifying a grandma by her polyester pants and tissue tucked sweaters. Grandmas are sporting fake breast and bikinis. Now a days young women can’t hold a candle to grandma.

 This causes a problem. If grandma and grandpa aren’t together anymore, what do they do. Well, grandma’s on the prowl. She’s not looking for money because if she is smart, she got it in the divorce. She’s not looking to marry because if she does that, the money stops. She doesn’t want another old man, that’s why she divorced the one she had. She is looking for a fresh kill. A man who is young, dumb and full of…a head of hair. Grandma knows the game. She is wise and cunning. She knows that all young men want to do is find them a piece, do their business, and move onto the next. Frankly, that’s all grandma’s looking for too. She’s not interested in making breakfast in the morning, she’s done that for too many years. She does’t want to go through the trouble of changing her last name, she earned the one she’s got. She is interested in the thought of love, but only if he doesn’t have his heart set on shacking up in the house she got in the divorce. Grandmas are tired of being put out to pasture, but now that they own the farm they want to run around naked in the freaking corn field.a

Image via Wikipedia

nt a

 Older men, younger women. This seems to be the norm, back in days of old when a farmer’s wife died, they took on a younger wife because they were able bodied and child bearing. The younger women could do what we now call “Multi-Tasking”. They would cook, clean, take care of the house, the garden, the yard, the animals, have children and raise them, and service their husband. For many years this was nothing that was frowned upon. Men did this thing all of the time for the benefit of the family. Children were taught to do everything both in and out of the farm. The more children you had, the more help you had. Large families were encouraged.

But Now…

 Old man step aside…Mama wants fresh meat!!! Older women have ditched their “Golf Bags” for the caddies. Gone are the days where older women would rather rock their grand kids to sleep in their rocking chairs. Now they want to go out with their grand kids and hang out with rockers. Gone are the days of identifying a grandma by her polyester pants and tissue tucked sweaters. Grandmas are sporting fake breast and bikinis. Now a days young women can’t hold a candle to grandma.

 This causes a problem. If grandma and grandpa aren’t together anymore, what do they do. Well, grandma’s on the prowl. She’s not looking for money because if she is smart, she got it in the divorce. She’s not looking to marry because if she does that, the money stops. She doesn’t want another old man, that’s why she divorced the one she had. She is looking for a fresh kill. A man who is young, dumb and full of…a head of hair. Grandma knows the game. She is wise and cunning. She knows that all young men want to do is find them a piece, do their business, and move onto the next. Frankly, that’s all grandma’s looking for too. She’s not interested in making breakfast in the morning, she’s done that for too many years. She does’t want to go through the trouble of changing her last name, she earned the one she’s got. She is interested in the thought of love, but only if he doesn’t have his heart set on shacking up in the house she got in the divorce. Grandmas are tired of being put out to pasture, but now that they own the farm they want to run around naked in the freaking corn field.a

Image via Wikipedia

nt a

This is me in 1986. I was 6 years old.

I was part nerd, part tomboy but that didn’t stop my mother from putting barretts in my hair. I was a little girl who liked to play in the dirt and ride my bike but the world was just a big pastel ball of sick.

God, I’m glad the 80s are over.

Wake up at 6:30am.

Brush your teeth with fluoride toothpaste right when you get out of bed to prevent germs from making your mouth dirty.

Put your stripy dress shirt, tie, and shorts on. Don’t forget the belt or your pants will slip.  

Go downstairs and bow to the giant calculator.

Go into the kitchen and eat your wheeties or else your mom is going to yell at you.

Put your Homeroom binder in your backpack.

Put your Language Arts binder in your backpack.

Put your History binder in your backpack.

Put your Math binder in your backpack.

Put your Computer Technology binder in your backpack.

Put your Biology binder in your backpack.

Pack your lunchbox with water, organic apple slices, fresh salad, fresh fish sticks, carton of 2% milk, and your inhaler.  

Oh, and don’t forget your P.E. uniform and your apple.

Leave the house at 7:30am.

Go back to the house to get your helmet, elbow pads, knee pads, pocket protector, and protective bike riding pants.

Ride the bike to school and arrive at 8:00am.

Disassemble the bike and put the parts into your backpack.

Avoid the cool kids and head towards homeroom.

Stand by the door and make sure to be the first person inside the classroom and into your seat.

Say “Good Morning” to the teacher and hand her an apple.

Go over Chapter 8 in Biology for next month’s quiz.

Reread Shakespeare’s Hamlet.

Leave for the rest of the classes before lunch. Repeat procedures as done in homeroom.

Go to the lunch table in the middle of the cafeteria and sit down.

Take out your lunch and start eating.  

Say “Hi” to your crush, eat the rest of your food quickly, and run away.

Go to the boy’s bathroom to hide until lunch is over.

The cool kids come in and you get bullied.

You run away and tell on them. The teacher on lunch duty gives them all detention.

You go back in the boy’s bathroom.

The cool kids come in and throw wet toilet paper at you, ruining your clothes.

Go into the bathroom stall and take out your spare set of clothes.  

Go to your afternoon classes.

Ace the Chapter 2 Biology quiz.

Finish the quiz early and hand it to the teacher upside-down inside a sealed government envelope.

Hand the teacher your apple you forgot to eat from lunch.

After school, go home and read the rest of Hamlet.

Study Chapter 9 Calculus before dinner.

Eat dinner and go to bed.

Reread Hamlet.

Put on your dinosaur pj’s.

Fall asleep at exactly 7:30pm.

Who needs the bathroom mirror when you’ve got a built in camera on your laptop?

.

.

I'm a pretty decent guy. I've got my faults of course; I'm sort of boring, kind of shy, sometimes I don't shower into well after one in the afternoon, but overall I like to think that the pros heavily outweigh the cons when it comes to your friendly neighborhood Steven. I'm sort of funny sometimes, there are a few people out there worse looking than me, I'm patient, understanding, and if you can manage to get past the Alcatraz-like that I tend wall that I put up, I'm a pretty good friend as well.

That's right, go me! NERD HIGH FIVE!

It's because of one of these good things that I agreed to take five or six hours out of my day last Saturday and put together the six logos above for my wife. The kids in her class at school came up with table names (some of them pretty creative) and she asked me if I would make a logo for each table.

I of course pretended like it was going to be a pain in the rear end of the highest order...you know...to make her more appreciative of the efforts, but in all honesty it was kind of fun. There were some pretty creative names in there, that sparked a lot of ideas, so I can't complain all that much.

Some of them actually came out looking pretty good.

That's right, go me! NERD HIGH FIVE AGAIN!

(I really should stop with the nerd high five thing...I'm starting to look like a nerd).

Steve