This semester is almost over (Thank the Lord!), but Christmas fast approaches and soon after I will be back in school. I finished the children's book and I am meeting with Dick Wilkinson (the author) on Wednesday to approve the layout for publishing.

I am 11 weeks pregnant today. I just finished an entire weekend in the sun selling my rockababy tees at the American River Music Festival and I am going to school full time, while illustrating the rest of the book and raising a child. I am so tired. Do you ever feel like nothing will go right? Like every little thing you try to take care of and spend hours on the phone for is coming back at you. It is never taken care of. I try to check things off of my mile long list, but instead it is growing. Why can't I go to the pharmacy and say "Well that is done!" instead of "I'll be back tomorrow." Or make an important call to take care of something and be done instead of generating 3 more important calls. I want to sit down and cry. But I don't have time. I still wouldn't trade any of it for all of the money in the world, but I really wish that I could lay down on a clean bed in a clean house full of clean laundry and get a foot massage while eating something delicious and watching a really great movie. What a gift that would be! Well, I have to go and read a Chapter in Art History, 2 Chapters in Earth Science, make-up a lab and paint about 14 more illustrations. Someday... that's what keeps me going... working hard now to bank on someday...

So I started doing this business and started doing the illustrations because I could not find a job after getting my AA in design. I had to keep myself busy. At this point the money is terrible. I spend hours painting and get 20 dollars for each one in the hopes that the 25 percent royalties will pay off in the future. I work my tooshie off on designing and creating and planning for rockababy Brand, but no money in the near future, right now the business is in debt! I am going to work my butt off to go to school, but thats money for the future, too. Kidzart wants me to do more projects for them and I may be getting calls to do logos and print work for a couple of businesses, but it is not enough money to constitute as a job. I hope that all of this effort and hard work now will make my future a little more plush. When I say plush I am talking about not living paycheck to paycheck and maybe having dental and medical insurance. All I can do is try... What if the illustrations make money? What if the business takes off? What if I start getting inundated with design work? There are so many what ifs, but that's the way it is when you are a mommy and have to be at home to care for your kids, and try to make money, too. Nothing is sure in life, but a 9-5 job is a lot more sure than being an illustrator. Even in this economy... Finding one is the hard part. I have hope, that is the most important part, I have hope! I will keep trying to help others with my talent, I will keep striving for success and if you keep trying eventually you have to succeed.

"Experience is just the name we give our mistakes"

Okay, We have the Koi tattoo baby tees and onesies, The phoenix  tattoo infant and toddler shirts, now we are going to order fake tattoos of the rockababy Brand logo! We are going to a networking luncheon at Old Spaghetti Factory, and are scoping out some fairs in the area. We want to figure out a way to go to a fair in L.A. or Hollywood, we want to somehow get in touch with a famous person who has babies or toddlers. Pretty soon we will be sending some shirt to the local radio DJ's who are pregnant. My illustrations are going well, but I have a lot of work. Dick has added at least 10 pictures, but also offered me 20 dollars a drawing (up 5 a piece), the 200 dollar bonus, and 25 percent net profits. I need to figure out how to market this book, too. If I can get the book around to enough people maybe someone will see the illustrations who is connected  with Caldecott. The the book would be in every library, school and book store! How great would that be! If I could have a bio I could also promote rockababy Brand. I am wondering if we could eventually offer a coloring book with the tattoo designs in it! School starts in about a month and I have like 36 more paintings to do, I have to optimize the website by adding content to the home page, I have to design the car decal, I have to go by the college so I can get financial aid, Scope out the pay per clicks, and I have to be a playmate, friend and mother to the cutest little 3 year old in the world. Busy, Busy, Busy... I am much happier busy than wavering and feeling useless and lost.

It is really tough to be a mom and have ambition! I am now the co owner of rockababy Brand. An online company that sells designer tees, onesies and more for infants and toddlers. I create the designs. I created the website and I am working on illustrating a children's book for a wonderful older man who has amazing stories to tell. In between this I am creating ads for my church, trying to keep a house clean with a two year old, planning her 3rd birthday party and trying to breathe! You should go check out my site. I made every little detail myself and I am so proud of it! www.rockababybrand.com

Life. Who can ask for more? Everyone. We all have this inner drive. I love my husband and my daughter and I appreciate every little moment I have with my little family, but.... I want to have a car that will get me to a destination without it dying or causing us to die of a heatstroke because it is overheating and we have to run the heater as we sit in stop lights in 105 degree weather. I want to have an apartment that has two bedrooms so that Sean and I can have alone time every once in awhile. I want to be able to buy Katie new summer clothes and a Birthday present.