THE COFFEE QUANDARY
SCENE: COFFEE SHOP. A HALF-DOZEN PEOPLE LINE UP TO ORDER COFFEE. PERSON ENTERS AND LINES UP, ALONE, NEXT TO THE EXISTING LINE.
COFFEE DRINKER 1
Hello? We're all waiting to be served, too
Hello? We're all waiting to be served, too
(COFFEE DRINKER 2 IGNORES COFFEE DRINKER 1)
(CONT'D.) COFFEE DRINKER 1
'Scuse me but he line begins and ends here. Feel free to join us - at the back
COFFEE DRINKER 2
I only want to order a coffee! Nothing else
COFFEE DRINKER 1
Me too!
COFFEE DRINKER 2
You would make me go to the back of the line for just one cup of coffee?
COFFEE DRINKER 1
Why not? That's why we're here but we wait our turn!
(COFFEE DRINKER 2 reluctantly and slowly moves to back of line, talking to people in line as she walks, shaking her head)
COFFEE DRINKER 2
This is so dumb! One lousy coffee that would take less than thirty seconds to order. Ridiculous!
COFFEE DRINKER 1
Not really. A line up is a line up is a lineup. We all gotta abide by the rules. I mean, what would the world be like without structure. Utter chaos. Right people?
COFFEE DRINKER 3
Y'know...I'm not in a rush. You can go before me
(steps aside to allow coffee drinker 2 to move up)
COFFEE DRINKER 4
Me too. Gotta lotta time to kill
COFFEE DRINKER 1
Thank you so very much for backing me up, people! This is a perfect example why the world is in the condition it's in. Nobody cares! Rules are the glue that solidifies civilization!
COFFEE DRINKER 3
Give her a break! You're in front so why do you care?
COFFEE DRINKER 1
That's not the point, my friend. Why do I care you ask? I care because we must retain some semblance of order in society. There are societal rules that are accepted norms and lining up and waiting our turn to be served is one of them. Can you imagine - and I'm sure it would never happen because you people seem civilized - if everyone pushed in and demanded to be served? There would be chaos!
COFFEE DRINKER 2
It's a coffee! That's it! Nothing to go along with it. No danish or pastry or anything that will take more time.
COFFEE DRINKER 1
That's what you say now but how do we know we can believe you?
COFFEE DRINKER 3 AND OTHERS LINING UP
"I believe her..."
COFFEE SHOP SERVER
COFFEE DRINKER 2
It's a coffee! That's it! Nothing to go along with it. No danish or pastry or anything that will take more time.
COFFEE DRINKER 1
That's what you say now but how do we know we can believe you?
COFFEE DRINKER 3 AND OTHERS LINING UP
"I believe her..."
COFFEE SHOP SERVER
Can I serve anyone over here?
(people rush over to the other line. COFFEE DRINKER 2 waves and smiles at COFFEE DRINKER 1)
COFFEE DRINKER 1
I tried. Can't teach everyone to have manners. 'A large regular coffee - in a china mug, please'
SERVER
Only paper cups. Our dishwasher is broken
SERVER
Only paper cups. Our dishwasher is broken
COFFEE DRINKER 1
Say what? You expect civilized people like me to...to drink coffee out of a paper receptacle? This is absolutely unacceptable. Wash one out by hand, for goodness sake!
SERVER
Look over there. See the big pile of dishes in the sink? You expect me to wash out a mug for you? I think not!
COFFEE DRINKER 1
Do I have a choice - but don't expect me to enjoy it!
(COFFEE DRINKER 1 takes paper cup and looks for a table. She sees COFFEE DRINKER 2 seated by herself at the only available table)
COFFEE DRINKER 1
Excuse me...but would you mind if I join you? In my discussion with the coffee server person regarding the non-availability of china coffee mugs, it appears all the chairs and tables are taken. You would think that they would keep extra mugs on hand for people who can't tolerate drinking their beverage out of paper.
COFFEE DRINKER 2
Well...now. How about that. Go figure. There is justice in this world. Why don't you line up and wait for someone to vacate a table.
COFFEE DRINKER 1
But that could take a long time. You on the other hand, are all alone
COFFEE DRINKER 2
I like my space
(COFFEE DRINKER 3 approaches the table)
COFFEE DRINKER 3
Do you mind if I join you?
COFFEE DRINKER 2
Be my guest.
ASIDE TO COFFEE DRINKER 1: Like you said, there are rules and waiting our turn is one of them. I think I just may order another one...or maybe two...
Say what? You expect civilized people like me to...to drink coffee out of a paper receptacle? This is absolutely unacceptable. Wash one out by hand, for goodness sake!
SERVER
Look over there. See the big pile of dishes in the sink? You expect me to wash out a mug for you? I think not!
COFFEE DRINKER 1
Do I have a choice - but don't expect me to enjoy it!
(COFFEE DRINKER 1 takes paper cup and looks for a table. She sees COFFEE DRINKER 2 seated by herself at the only available table)
COFFEE DRINKER 1
Excuse me...but would you mind if I join you? In my discussion with the coffee server person regarding the non-availability of china coffee mugs, it appears all the chairs and tables are taken. You would think that they would keep extra mugs on hand for people who can't tolerate drinking their beverage out of paper.
COFFEE DRINKER 2
Well...now. How about that. Go figure. There is justice in this world. Why don't you line up and wait for someone to vacate a table.
COFFEE DRINKER 1
But that could take a long time. You on the other hand, are all alone
COFFEE DRINKER 2
I like my space
(COFFEE DRINKER 3 approaches the table)
COFFEE DRINKER 3
Do you mind if I join you?
COFFEE DRINKER 2
Be my guest.
ASIDE TO COFFEE DRINKER 1: Like you said, there are rules and waiting our turn is one of them. I think I just may order another one...or maybe two...
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