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By Mark Peters

Some people and characters are forever associated with a word. I dare you to say refudiate, malaise, nanu-nanu, despicable, winning, and meep without thinking of Sarah Palin, Jimmy Carter, Mork, Daffy Duck, Charlie Sheen, and the Road Runner (or Beaker).

Without a doubt, the poster boy for varmint is Yosemite Sam, the rootin’-tootin’, razzin’-frazzin’ cowboy who was so often outwitted by Bugs Bunny in immortal Looney Tunes cartoons. Sam started popping up in the 1940’s, but the OED reveals that varmint (or varment) goes back much further, referring to “An animal of a noxious or objectionable kind” since the mid-1500’s. It’s a variation of vermin, which I was surprised to learn originally applied to reptiles, not rodents, back in the 1400’s. Like beauty, obscenity, and fugliness, vermin-hood and varmint-itude have always been in the eye of the beholder.

Though Mr. Sam never seemed like the reading type—his intellectual rigor rivaled that of a box of rocks—I wonder what his personal book of quotations would look like. I suspect Yosemite would make predictable revisions to suit his personal mission, like so:

“Hell is other varmints.” –Jean-Paul Sartre

“The first thing we do, let’s kill all the varmints.” –William Shakespeare

“Some of us are becoming the varmints we wanted to marry.” –Gloria Steinem

“To use a varmint to show that a varmint is not a varmint is not as good as using a non-varmint to show that a varmint is not a varmint.” –Chuang-Tzu

“My eleven-year-old daughter mopes around the house all day waiting for her varmints to grow.” –Bill Cosby

“Never have varmints, only grandvarmints.” –Gore Vidal

“When I need a little free advice about varmints, I turn to country music.” –George H.W. Bush

“For just one night, let not be co-workers. Let’s be co-varmints.” –Ron Burgundy

“Every woman adores a varmint.” –Sylvia Plath

“Imagine there’s no varmints. It isn’t hard to do.” –John Lennon

“We fought a war on varmints, and varmints won.” –Ronald Reagan

“It depends on what the meaning of the word ‘varmint’ is.” –Bill Clinton

“I’m going to take my varmints to South Beach.” –LeBron James

“Omit needless varmints.” –William Strunk Jr.

Mark Peters is a lexicographer, humorist, rabid tweeter, language columnist for Visual Thesaurus, and the blogger behind The Rosa Parks of Blogs and The Pancake Proverbs.

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By Michelle Rafferty

As most of you probably know by now, there’s a new stage in life – emerging adulthood, or for the purposes of this post, the unmarried young adult. Marriage is getting pushed off (26 is now the average age for women, 28 for men) which means…more premarital sex than ever!

According to sociologists, emerging adults are all part of a sexual market in which the “cost” of sex for men and women in heterosexual relationships is pretty different. Out of this disparity has risen the theory of “sexual economics,” which I recently read up on in Premarital Sex in America: How Young Americans Meet, Mate, and Think about Marrying. At first glance women appeared to be the clear losers in this market. See this passage:

Sexual economics theory would argue that sex is about acquiring valued “resources” at least as much as it is about seeking pleasure. When most people think of women trading sex for resources, they think of prostitution and money as the terms of exchange. But this theory encourages us to think far more broadly about the resources that the average woman values and attempts to acquire in return for sex – things like love, attention, status, self-esteem, affection, commitment, and feelings of emotional union. Within many emerging adults’ relationships, orgasms are not often traded equally.

Basically, the sexual economics theory says that while women and men are doing the same thing during sex, socially they are doing two different things. Women can and do enjoy sex, but they also have an agenda, while men…just want to have sex. Which to me just seemed, well, sad. Hadn’t women all finally agreed that a man can’t ever make you happy, only you can? But the more I read up on the theory of sexual economics, the less cut-and-dry it became. Women might use sex to get commitment, but they’re also getting things like advanced degrees and independent financial stability  - which also play a role in this new sexual economy. This led me to ask: are men really the clear winners in this game? I scoured the countless studies and interviews in Premartial Sex in America and came up with the following chart to sort all the data out.

Wins in the Emerging Adult Sexual Market by Gender

Tally:
Women &

There’s nothing worse than losing a pretend race…

Oh how I love to play with textures and different patterns. Here’s a quickie for this week. A scene based on my childhood. For some reason I would always lose in these sofa races my cousin would make me play…she was really good ..

HAPPY MONDAY!

I WON! I won a book from Free Book Friday. I can't even remember what the book was, since I was notified two days ago but it was FREE and I WON it. OH! It was Love the One You're With by Emily Giffin. It looks very, very hip and intriguing. FREE FREE!!

Free Book Friday offers a new book every week - sometimes the email doesn't get to me until Saturday but who cares - with reviews and author interviews and other cool book related stuff. And every week, you can sign up to win that book! They have a Free Book Friday for Teens, too.

And that brings me to my favorite book related e-newsletters or websites.

For kids, I love Kim Chatel's website, Chatel Village. Kim offers reviews of blogs, books, YouTube videos and other very cool stuff. Her own blog is full of great parenting and kid-friendly ideas. Kim is an author/illustrator.

I have mentioned Shelf Awareness before. For a look at the independent book-selling biz, Shelf Awareness is where the action is. Publishers post a lot of ads on this site as well, so subscribers get a chance to see reviews, ask for advance readers' copies, and hear the publishing buzz on the new books FIRST.

Suzanne Beecher does Read It First for St. Martin's Press. I have found at least three very good books from this free daily email since I joined 3 months ago. Suzanne also does Dear Reader, a series of online book clubs that can be accessed through your public library's website. The Parkland Community Library offers 3 of these book clubs. (Go to Adult Services and click on Online Book Clubs in the drop down menu.) This is a fuss-free way to find your next good read. And if the book of the week doesn't appeal to you, you can just delete the posts for that week.

I also subscribe to publishers' children and teen newsletters. These weekly or monthly updates help me keep up on what is new for kids and teens. Next post will talk about websites and blogs from authors, publishers and booklovers.

It's like good news central here. My brother heard this morning that he had won tickets to see the Sterephonics in London and to meet them at a party later. I don't have the full details as he has gone racing off to London as the party is today. Here is my favourite Stereophonics song.



For him it's the equivalent of my getting a phone call from Tim Burton saying he wants to make The Poisoned Apple into an animated musical, and the same day Jack Bauer bursts into the reception at work and saves me from a paper cut.

My good news - I won £10 on the Lottery. YAY! Cate sits down and realises her news isn't quite as cool. Better news, Gustavo Bondoni has blogged about the cover of the Return to Luna anthology. Once again congratulations to all those who made it into the antho, I am forever jealous.

Um, I won.

I actually had a very productive day at work yesterday -- I finished writing up descriptions of upcoming events for February, posted author photos on the website, responded to a number of event requests to tame my overflowing inbox, worked the cash register and answered some customer questions, and even pulled some returns from the interior design section. A good day in the life of a bookseller. I felt content in my life as it is, not filled with longing or anxiety, and just a little excited that at 5:15 I was going to put on my good shoes and go down to the Central Branch of the Brooklyn Library for a swanky awards ceremony and some snacks. Everyone at the bookstore knew I was going to the business plan awards ceremony, and I got lots of "good luck"s as I went out the door.

The ALP was waiting for me in the reading room -- we spend half of our Saturdays at the Central Library anyway so it wasn't hard to find him. The awards ceremony was held downstairs in the newly renovated Dweck Center -- I'd never had a reason to explore that part of the library before, and it was cool to see. On the way in the gifts started to flow: a free totebag from Citibank (the sponsor of the award), a business card case from PowerUp. Arcola, one of the Business Library librarians, handed me back my original plan, and I was told to sit in the first three rows reserved for finalists and judges. (We took this too literally at first and the ALP sat in the fourth row, but it later dawned on us that there was room for spouses of finalists in the reserved seating as well.)

I saw some of the staff from my BEDC class in the audience, and the judges before whom I made my presentation back in November, and the owners of Bogota Bistro, the first winners of the award (conveniently located about half a block from our apartment). Maud Andrews, my favorite librarian (because it seems to me she's found her calling too), asked me about the correct pronunciation of my new last name -- they were confirming with all the finalists, she said. It felt so good to be sitting there next to the ALP, the work all done, the prayers for blessings all said, and I felt I would honestly be content whatever the outcome.

There were, of course, lots of speeches preceding the awards: Dionne Mack-Harvin, the BPL's executive director, was the MC (I know her name and title because they're printed on the giant check on my kitchen table), and we heard from the Deputy Borough President (not Marty, sadly, but woman with a lovely Jamaican accent) and a City Councilwoman and representatives from Citibank, congratulating the library and the contestants on the increasing success of the contest. Previous winners also said a few words; the owners of Bogota (who were also the evening's caterers) talked about what an affirmation it had been to receive the award, and how many no's it took before they heard yes, and how well they're doing now -- they grossed over a million last year. Another previous winner, a two-woman toddler t-shirt company, brought up their own kids to showcase their wares -- the tots stole the show, in typical Brooklyn fashion. Then, suddenly, it was time for the awards.

The presenters would read a description of the business plan, then announce the entrepreneur's name and have them come forward for the award and photographs. As they announced the first honorable mentions ($500), I thought how that would be a nice chunk of change to start an account with. But I wasn't with the honorable mentions. Then the $750 honorable mentions were presented, and I thought how great nearly a thousand bucks free and clear would be. But I wasn't with those either. Then they announced the two second place winners, and I thought, five grand would be perfect, wonderful, not too much pressure. But the awards went to a woman with a line of aromatic soaps and cosmetics (who couldn't stop crying and saying "I have labels to buy!" - she knew exactly how she was going to spend her money), and another woman who wanted to open a healthy soul food restaurant (I hope she caters next year).

Well, it's all or nothing now, I thought. Probably nothing. And that's fine. I wrote the plan because of this deadline, which I might never have done otherwise, and I learned so much, and I met such great resources in the Brooklyn business community. Blessings on the winner, whoever they are.

And then the presenter announced that the winning plan was a business that would benefit the readers and writers of Brooklyn. The ALP and I looked at each other, oddly worried expressions on our faces. The presenter described someone who had worked for seven years in the book industry, made lots of contacts, who wrote a bookselling blog. I started to cry. The ALP told me not to cry, so I started to laugh instead. They called my name, pronouncing the difficult hyphenated last name correctly but getting my first name wrong. I somehow made it up to the stage. They handed me a gigantic posterboard check with my name (spelled right) and the words FIFTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS. The Daily News photographer took pictures. All I could hear was my own ragged, laughing/crying breath.

The MC apologized for asking me to say a few words. I hadn't thought seriously about having to speak (okay, it had occurred to me, but I shoved the thought away with an eye-roll at myself and didn't prepare anything), but I found I wasn't afraid. Here's what I remember of what I said -- a bit paraphrased, and minus the stutters and repetitions.

"Luckily I host events at the bookstore four or five nights a week, so I'm used to being in front of a microphone... but it's not usually this important. I love what the guys from Bogota said -- one of my favorite restaurants -- about what an affirmation this was for them. I know there's a perception out there that independent bookstores are a dying breed, a bad bet. I know that's not true, because I've seen the ones that are working, that are doing vibrant wonderful things in their communities. And I've gotten so much support from people in my industry -- from publishers, from our trade organization, from other booksellers -- especially from other booksellers, who are such a great community to each other. But I wasn't sure what the response would be when I took this plan to people outside that community, to business people. Would they think I was crazy? And it's so wonderful that you thought this was worthwhile. I honestly was thinking there at the end it's all or nothing, and it's probably nothing, and that would have been okay, because I have gotten so much already out of PowerUp, I've learned so much, and the librarians have been so wonderful. But this money is going to be the seed that I can use to make this dream happen. So... thank you. So. Much."

And then about fifteen thousand more pictures, and I could see the ALP still standing there in our row while everyone went out for the reception, and I just wanted to go and hug him, but it was great to be up there with the other laughing/crying winners and their own big posterboard checks. And then I did get to hug him, and we went out and had empanadas and champagne, and I handed out about fifteen business cards and got fifteen more, and heard from a dozen people why I should open my bookstore in their neighborhood, and talked about collaborating with half a dozen other entrepreneurs, and met people who read my blog, and gradually came down to a less ragged high. Then the ALP and I left the library, which was already closed (we showed the check to the security guards at the door, who pulled out pens to joke about having me sign it over to them), and picked up a bottle of champagne at a Park Slope wine shop on the way home. I called my mom, we watched the Muppet Show on DVD, we talked about having the check made into a coffee table. Then we went to bed.

There will be a lot of details to work through -- where and how to receive and deposit the money, how to use this as leverage to get additional grants and loans. To be fair, it's less than a tenth of what I've calculated I'll need. But it's fifteen thousand dollars more than I had before, not to mention the $5,000 in in-kind gifts: consulting services, marketing services, a Chamber of Commerce membership, even a gift certificate to Bogota. And perhaps more importantly, the experts of the Brooklyn Business Library think my plan is viable -- is the MOST viable, out of all the ones they've seen. Kathleen, the Citibank rep responsible for creating the contest and the head judge, told me that it was my presentation that made the difference -- that the judges were skeptical about the wisdom of opening an independent bookstore given all they'd heard, but I sold them on the idea with my data and my passion.

If I can do that -- and I guess I did -- maybe I can do anything. Maybe I can make this dream happen, after all.

Thank you to all of you who have also given your affirmation. Thank you for saying yes in a world of no's.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to bask in the glow for a little while longer.

P.S. They tell me I'll be in the Daily News on Tuesday, in the Brooklyn section or the business section, if you want to take a look.

Echelon Press is pleased to announce the winner of the Fast & Foreign Fiction Writing contest for June 2007.

We have chosen RED FLAGS by Jon F. Baxley as our winner and we hope you will enjoy reading his short story set in Moscow!

We will publish Jon's story on June 18, 2007. Until then you can get to know Jon by visiting him at http://www.myspace.com/jonbaxley

People are funny...at least most of them think so. Today is April Fool's Day and in honor of all the practical jokes and lies that will be inflicted today, we want you to give us your best humorous story. The only "rule" is that the catalyst for the story must be a lie or practical joke. It can't be that hard, after all you are a brilliant writer who will be paid ONE MILLION DOLLARS if you win...aren't you? Remember, Echelon is all about escaping, so think outside the box and give readers the readers what they want.

Every author at every level should be committed to keeping their name in front of readers. Are you looking for your first publishing credit? Are you between books? Looking for a way to revive characters from books that have been out for a while? Want to introduce new characters for upcoming books? Looking for a way to build your readership? Have we got a promotional opportunity for you!

Echelon Press would like to publish your "Fast and Foolish" April story. The fast part means you have until April 12, 2007 to submit your story of 3000-6000 words. The winner will be notified by April 14, 2007 and have 5 days to edit/revise the story. Echelon Press will publish your story in its e-book division on April 19, 2007. Simple!

Send your submissions as a Word (doc) attachment to [email protected]. Your professional cover letter should be in the body of an e-mail. Cover letters that do not adhere to professional standards will disqualify the submission from further consideration. All submissions must include an active author/writer website to be considered. This is your most valuable source of marketing and is a requirement for consideration.

Submissions must adhere to the following guidelines.

Standard Manuscript format

• File saved in Word format (.doc) or (.rtf)
• 8 ½ x 11 page
• Times New Roman 12pt font/black
• 1-inch margin on all sides/ 1.5 line spacing
• Align text left, do not justify (aligning text both left and right)
• Header containing title, author name and page number
• Capital letters at the beginning of sentences and proper nouns
• Show new paragraphs by indenting first line of new paragraph .3. Do not add blank line between paragraphs.
• Show scene breaks with * * * * centered in the appropriate line.

All cover letters must include

• Name (and pseudonym if applicable)
• Mailing address
• Phone number
• E-mail address (if available)
• Web address (if available)

*Winners under 18 years of age must show parent's permission prior to contract.

Previous Winners:

March 2007 -- Janelle Dakota -- Hear the Wind Blow (Fanciful)
February 2007 -- Yvonne Walus -- Small Price to Pay (Frisky)
January 2007 -- Elysabeth Eldering -- The Tulip Kiss (Frigid)
December 2006 -- Dan Strohschien -- The Naughty List (Festive)
November 2006 -- Jamie Summers -- A True Friend (Fatal)
October 2006 -- C.A. Verstraete -- The Witch Tree (Freaky)

Please note that contests posts are made on Echelon Press' website on the designated dates. To get the announcements in a timely manner, please visit www.echelonpress.com/fast.htm

It is the day before Christmas Eve and I am pleased to announce the newest addition to Echelon Press (Team Echelon). It is with great pleasure that I congratulate Dan Strohschein as the winner of the Fast & Festive Fiction Writing Contest.

Dan's winning entry was quite the twisted tale of holiday festivities, and I know that you'll love it when you read it. All I can say is, you better be good or you, too, could end up on The Naughty List.

I also want to take this time to thank all of you for making this Blog worthwhile. Without you taking the time to view, read, and comment, I'd just be talking to myself. Not that I am opposed to this, I do it all the time. Well, not all the time, but sometimes. Anyway...

I want to wish each of you the very happiest of ho ho holidays. And for what it's worth, I know that each of you will find great success in the coming year, as you've already made the commitment to learn the industry and hone your skills. I'm very proud of each of you.


Happy Holidays,
Karen Syed