How to use this Page

The first story today that caught my eye came from the Daily Telegraph, the main reason being that it’s in my neck of the woods – East Anglia (UK).

A local councillor, Pat McCloud at Forest Heath District Council in Suffolk attended a committee meeting and was making his point when Councillor Lisa Chambers interrupted him mid flow.  Councillor McCloud, who obviously had got his knickers in a knot, then proceeded to send an email to some of his co-councillors commenting on the interruption and stating that Councillor Chambers couldn’t possibly have known in advance what he was going to say and went on to say that they used to burn witches at the stake for such skills!  This obviously touched a raw nerve and ended up going before the District Council’s standards committee where poor Councillor McCloud was found guilty of accusing Councillor Chambers of witchcraft.  The decision was overturned on appeal but it ended up costing the Council more than £3,000 to investigate and ultimately, of course, this will be added to next year’s tax bills for the general public to pay off next year.

Councillor McCloud, strangely enough, seems to have found allies in the local Pagans who were disappointed that Lisa Chambers and the committee members who found Mr McCloud guilty obviously felt it was a bad thing to be a witch.  As they quite rightly pointed out, not all witchcraft is bad – there are obviously black witches but there are white witches too who do good rather than evil.  I just hope that the witches there in Suffolk can conjure up a bit more cash for the council tax payers in their district to cover the wasted costs in this futile case and let’s face it, if this is how our money is spent in local government it’s no wonder the local taxes go up drastically year on year!

The second article from the Telegraph related to the above Golden Delicious apple.  No, it’s not been painted red – the apple has grown naturally that way!  It’s a ‘random genetic mutation’ apparently and the odds of finding one of these growing on your apple trees at home are 1 million to 1!  As you can imagine it’s causing quite a stir in the village where it grew – Colaton Raleigh in Devon.  The grower, Mr Morrish a retired painter and decorator, said he’d been picking apples to take to his sister-in-law and spotted this little beauty.  He’d been growing apples for 45 years and had never come across anything like it before.  Even the experts at the Royal Horticultural Society and British Independent Fruit Growers Association can’t find any rhyme or reason for it.  Just don’t tell the local council, Mr Morrish, or you may find yourself under close scrutiny by the Witch Finder General of Devon!!!

My third article was spotted in The Times.  It seems that the darker witches have been waving their wands in London!  A series of speed humps has been put on public walkways in London in order to prevent speeding cyclists.  Obviously the cyclists have got the hump but many pedestrians, particularly the elderly, have said that something needed to be done to combat the two-wheeled terrors.

Unfortunately these humps haven’t gone down well (or should I say up and down) with all pedestrians however.  Young mums with pushchairs and prams say they’re not that easy to negotiate and they’re not particularly wheelchair friendly; and of course the blind or more frail pensioners run the risk of tripping.  Somehow I can’t really see these catching on too quickly around the country.  Here in Norwich we tend to have a series of cycleways and footpaths combined which work quite well.  Half the footpath – the outer part is for cyclists and the inner part is for pedestrians.  There’s a white line down the centre so ne’er the twain shall meet – well, in theory anyway; although my experience is that all too often the twain do meet but thankfully, as far as I know, we’ve had very few fatalities although I think we’ve ended up with the odd bruise or scratch (or wonky wheel … and I’m talking about the bikes here, not the pedestrians or cyclists!).

Now to my final article which I found in The Guardian.  The Food Standards Agency is going to fund investigations into whether, after years of telling us we should be cutting back on sugar and using artificial sweeteners, aspartame can be damaging to the health and has side effects.

Aspartame is around 200 times sweeter than sugar and can be found in more than 4,000 products in the UK including diet sodas, ready meals, yogurt, cereal bars and candy.  It’s been considered safe for more than 25 years but now it seems the populace are finding that after consuming products with aspartame in them, they seem to be prone to headaches, dizziiness, diarrhoea and tiredness.

The research is apparently going to take the form of using 50 human guinea pigs who are susceptible to side effects and feeding them with cereal bars.  Some of the bars will contain aspartame and others will be aspartame free.  The results should be available some time next year and, if there is reason to believe aspartame could be damaging to the health, then further research will be carried out.

Now this is where my witchcraft comes into force!  For years (without the aid of a crystal ball) I’ve foreseen that all this cutting back on fat, salt and sugar and opting for artificial versions is bad for the health.  People for centuries have been eating the natural versions and don’t seem to have come to too much harm.  Provided you have a good range of all the natural minerals and vitamins and have a reasonable amount of exercise you shouldn’t need all these artificial things and now it seems my premonition has borne fruit – even if it’s not a genetically mutated fruit. 

Come on Witch Finder General – seek me out and burn me at the stake if you will!!!!

The first story today that caught my eye came from the Daily Telegraph, the main reason being that it’s in my neck of the woods – East Anglia (UK).

A local councillor, Pat McCloud at Forest Heath District Council in Suffolk attended a committee meeting and was making his point when Councillor Lisa Chambers interrupted him mid flow.  Councillor McCloud, who obviously had got his knickers in a knot, then proceeded to send an email to some of his co-councillors commenting on the interruption and stating that Councillor Chambers couldn’t possibly have known in advance what he was going to say and went on to say that they used to burn witches at the stake for such skills!  This obviously touched a raw nerve and ended up going before the District Council’s standards committee where poor Councillor McCloud was found guilty of accusing Councillor Chambers of witchcraft.  The decision was overturned on appeal but it ended up costing the Council more than £3,000 to investigate and ultimately, of course, this will be added to next year’s tax bills for the general public to pay off next year.

Councillor McCloud, strangely enough, seems to have found allies in the local Pagans who were disappointed that Lisa Chambers and the committee members who found Mr McCloud guilty obviously felt it was a bad thing to be a witch.  As they quite rightly pointed out, not all witchcraft is bad – there are obviously black witches but there are white witches too who do good rather than evil.  I just hope that the witches there in Suffolk can conjure up a bit more cash for the council tax payers in their district to cover the wasted costs in this futile case and let’s face it, if this is how our money is spent in local government it’s no wonder the local taxes go up drastically year on year!

The second article from the Telegraph related to the above Golden Delicious apple.  No, it’s not been painted red – the apple has grown naturally that way!  It’s a ‘random genetic mutation’ apparently and the odds of finding one of these growing on your apple trees at home are 1 million to 1!  As you can imagine it’s causing quite a stir in the village where it grew – Colaton Raleigh in Devon.  The grower, Mr Morrish a retired painter and decorator, said he’d been picking apples to take to his sister-in-law and spotted this little beauty.  He’d been growing apples for 45 years and had never come across anything like it before.  Even the experts at the Royal Horticultural Society and British Independent Fruit Growers Association can’t find any rhyme or reason for it.  Just don’t tell the local council, Mr Morrish, or you may find yourself under close scrutiny by the Witch Finder General of Devon!!!

My third article was spotted in The Times.  It seems that the darker witches have been waving their wands in London!  A series of speed humps has been put on public walkways in London in order to prevent speeding cyclists.  Obviously the cyclists have got the hump but many pedestrians, particularly the elderly, have said that something needed to be done to combat the two-wheeled terrors.

Unfortunately these humps haven’t gone down well (or should I say up and down) with all pedestrians however.  Young mums with pushchairs and prams say they’re not that easy to negotiate and they’re not particularly wheelchair friendly; and of course the blind or more frail pensioners run the risk of tripping.  Somehow I can’t really see these catching on too quickly around the country.  Here in Norwich we tend to have a series of cycleways and footpaths combined which work quite well.  Half the footpath – the outer part is for cyclists and the inner part is for pedestrians.  There’s a white line down the centre so ne’er the twain shall meet – well, in theory anyway; although my experience is that all too often the twain do meet but thankfully, as far as I know, we’ve had very few fatalities although I think we’ve ended up with the odd bruise or scratch (or wonky wheel … and I’m talking about the bikes here, not the pedestrians or cyclists!).

Now to my final article which I found in The Guardian.  The Food Standards Agency is going to fund investigations into whether, after years of telling us we should be cutting back on sugar and using artificial sweeteners, aspartame can be damaging to the health and has side effects.

Aspartame is around 200 times sweeter than sugar and can be found in more than 4,000 products in the UK including diet sodas, ready meals, yogurt, cereal bars and candy.  It’s been considered safe for more than 25 years but now it seems the populace are finding that after consuming products with aspartame in them, they seem to be prone to headaches, dizziiness, diarrhoea and tiredness.

The research is apparently going to take the form of using 50 human guinea pigs who are susceptible to side effects and feeding them with cereal bars.  Some of the bars will contain aspartame and others will be aspartame free.  The results should be available some time next year and, if there is reason to believe aspartame could be damaging to the health, then further research will be carried out.

Now this is where my witchcraft comes into force!  For years (without the aid of a crystal ball) I’ve foreseen that all this cutting back on fat, salt and sugar and opting for artificial versions is bad for the health.  People for centuries have been eating the natural versions and don’t seem to have come to too much harm.  Provided you have a good range of all the natural minerals and vitamins and have a reasonable amount of exercise you shouldn’t need all these artificial things and now it seems my premonition has borne fruit – even if it’s not a genetically mutated fruit. 

Come on Witch Finder General – seek me out and burn me at the stake if you will!!!!

I’ve recently been going through the UK’s daily papers and finding one or two weird news items and giving you links to them but I’m now finding myself in a position where I can’t keep up with the weird and wonderful so I’m trying a change of tack and just give you a brief rundown of what I found intriguing or amusing!

Here’s my top four for today.

Image by Jim Linwood via Flickr

I was checking out the Daily Telegraph and came across something particularly odd.  It seems that, in order to try and keep swine ‘flu at bay in H M Prison The Verne in Dorset, the governor sanctioned the purchase of a goodly supply of anti-bacterial hand gel.  As soon as it was distributed amongst the prisoners apparently one of the inmates decided it’d be a good idea to drink it rather than shove it on his hands.  I’m not sure how much the prisoner actually drank but he became a tad tiddly and started a fight.  Before anyone knew it, there was a full blown behind bars brawl.  Oddly enough, the staff at the prison took away what remained of the hand gel, presumably considering it would be easier to deal with a swine ‘flu epidemic than an alcohol poison one!

It just begs the question, who was the prisoner who actually tried the hand gel in the first place?  I’m just wondering what I’ve got under the kitchen sink that I could try?  How about a Mr Muscle Margarita for starters?

The second news item that interested me was again from the Daily Telegraph.  It gave details of some of the strangest items that had been taken from hotel rooms.  Amongst those that caught my eye were a marble fireplace; a whole room – the contents were completely stripped; a mounted boar’s head; a hotel owner’s dog; a grand piano and a selection of sex toys. 

Once again, my brain went into overdrive, particularly when it came to the sex toys.  I can’t  imagine even using sex toys provided by a hotel let alone stealing them – you don’t know where they’ve been!!

Image via Wikipedia

My next story which was reported in several papers, relates to a tortoise that was found walking along the M25 motorway (freeway).  Thankfully, for once, most of the drivers were obviously keeping their eyes on the road and the tortoise was rescued by a tortoise loving driver who, having taken a little detour to the supermarket to pick up some lettuce and tomatoes for the traumatised turtle and then took him for a check up at the local vet where it was discovered that he was chipped so hopefully owners and family pet will soon be reunited.

Quite what the tortoise was doing on the M25 I have no idea.  Maybe, like many travellers before him, he couldn’t find the right junction off the circular motorway to reach home or another alternative could be that he’d been visiting The Verne Prison and had a drop too much of anti-bacterial hand gel!!!

And finally, what would you expect a badger to eat?  I’d always considered they spent their evenings rummaging around the woodlands looking out grubs, insects, worms and the odd mouse or two but it seems it’s now been discovered that the latest badger delicacy is hedgehog.  How can a badger who normally eats small and relatively ’smooth’ food cope with the prickles?  What motivates a badger to even consider tackling a hedgehog.  Maybe their lives are so mundane that they decided they wanted more of a challenge.  It’s a mystery to me but I’m sure that some night wildlife watcher will come up with a bit of video footage to enlighten me!

I’ve recently been going through the UK’s daily papers and finding one or two weird news items and giving you links to them but I’m now finding myself in a position where I can’t keep up with the weird and wonderful so I’m trying a change of tack and just give you a brief rundown of what I found intriguing or amusing!

Here’s my top four for today.

Image by Jim Linwood via Flickr

I was checking out the Daily Telegraph and came across something particularly odd.  It seems that, in order to try and keep swine ‘flu at bay in H M Prison The Verne in Dorset, the governor sanctioned the purchase of a goodly supply of anti-bacterial hand gel.  As soon as it was distributed amongst the prisoners apparently one of the inmates decided it’d be a good idea to drink it rather than shove it on his hands.  I’m not sure how much the prisoner actually drank but he became a tad tiddly and started a fight.  Before anyone knew it, there was a full blown behind bars brawl.  Oddly enough, the staff at the prison took away what remained of the hand gel, presumably considering it would be easier to deal with a swine ‘flu epidemic than an alcohol poison one!

It just begs the question, who was the prisoner who actually tried the hand gel in the first place?  I’m just wondering what I’ve got under the kitchen sink that I could try?  How about a Mr Muscle Margarita for starters?

The second news item that interested me was again from the Daily Telegraph.  It gave details of some of the strangest items that had been taken from hotel rooms.  Amongst those that caught my eye were a marble fireplace; a whole room – the contents were completely stripped; a mounted boar’s head; a hotel owner’s dog; a grand piano and a selection of sex toys. 

Once again, my brain went into overdrive, particularly when it came to the sex toys.  I can’t  imagine even using sex toys provided by a hotel let alone stealing them – you don’t know where they’ve been!!

Image via Wikipedia

My next story which was reported in several papers, relates to a tortoise that was found walking along the M25 motorway (freeway).  Thankfully, for once, most of the drivers were obviously keeping their eyes on the road and the tortoise was rescued by a tortoise loving driver who, having taken a little detour to the supermarket to pick up some lettuce and tomatoes for the traumatised turtle and then took him for a check up at the local vet where it was discovered that he was chipped so hopefully owners and family pet will soon be reunited.

Quite what the tortoise was doing on the M25 I have no idea.  Maybe, like many travellers before him, he couldn’t find the right junction off the circular motorway to reach home or another alternative could be that he’d been visiting The Verne Prison and had a drop too much of anti-bacterial hand gel!!!

And finally, what would you expect a badger to eat?  I’d always considered they spent their evenings rummaging around the woodlands looking out grubs, insects, worms and the odd mouse or two but it seems it’s now been discovered that the latest badger delicacy is hedgehog.  How can a badger who normally eats small and relatively ’smooth’ food cope with the prickles?  What motivates a badger to even consider tackling a hedgehog.  Maybe their lives are so mundane that they decided they wanted more of a challenge.  It’s a mystery to me but I’m sure that some night wildlife watcher will come up with a bit of video footage to enlighten me!

Image via Wikipedia

Like many British people (and I suspect many other people around the world), it’s a real treat to crunch on a biscuit when enjoying a cup of tea or coffee.  So you can imagine my surprise, when having my early Sunday morning imperfectly made cuppa (see http://purpleslinky.com/offbeat/the-complicated-cuppa-cup-that-cheers-or-mug-of-misery/) that I discovered I was amongst those idiots who have managed to suffer a minor injury at the hands of the humble hobnob.

http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/125767/Crumbs-half-of-us-have-been-injured-by-biscuits

I regret to admit that I’m one of the 29% of adult Brits who have managed to splash themselves with hot tea when dunking my digestive.  For those of you who’ve never dunked or heard of dunking let me enlighten you.  Once you’ve made your tea (or coffee) (beverage) and taken the biscuit of your choice from the biscuit tin (dunkee), you then proceed to dip a bite size piece of the dunkee into the beverage while holding onto the remainder to use as a ‘handle’ .  Once the dunkee has been dunked for a couple of seconds you bring it to the surface of the beverage and then manouevre the dunkee together with beverage as close to your chin as you can before biting (or sucking) the dunkee.  The skill is in getting dunkee to lips before it drops back into the beverage.  More often than not the dunkee drops its load back into the beverage thereby splashing the dunker with hot beverage!

If you’re lucky enough to dodge the hot beverage if the dunkee drops, don’t believe for one minute that the danger ends there.  You then have the job of taking a teaspoon, delving to the bottom of the beverage and trawling the cup to retrieve the errant dunkee to prevent choking.  This is no mean feat as, more often than not, the dunkee slips back into the beverage like an eel through a fishing net, which again can cause the dunker injury from splashback!

Having overcome the hazards of dunking, I have also regularly fallen into the 28% of Brits who have choked on biscuit crumbs and at times I’ve fallen into the 7% of Brits who have dropped a biscuit tin on their foot and the 7% who’ve been nibbled by a pet while feeding it with a biscuit (obviously I’m so sweet they can’t tell the difference between a biscuit and me), but thankfully none of my injuries have required the services of the A&E Department of the local hospital.

So there you have it – the Great British Biscuit Bite Back!!  I’m now going to get my mid morning coffee and I’m just pondering on whether to risk having a Bourbon (the UK version of the Oreo) biscuit – could be a nice treat or could end up as ‘death by chocolate’!!!  If it turns out to be the latter then at least I will have died happy!

Read the Signs

Image Source

Either way, the intrepid trespasser can expect to be served his own ‘nads on toast. I do have to wonder though what this place is storing that requires bloodthirsty command dogs and radiation hazard on the premises. Ask not ‘who let the dogs out.’ But ask ‘do they bite?’ My guess would be YES!

Doggie Dump?

Image Source

Water pollution is a threat, and most communities require that you pick-up your dog’s fecal droppings. Dog waste (poo, poop, feces, etc.) that is unscooped gets swept into storm drains with the rain and ends up in the rivers and lakes where it contributes greatly to high levels of coliform bacteria. This bacterial pollution chokes and kills aquatic plant life, which further poisons the water. It becomes more stagnate and unclean. Fish die. The water is unfit for swimming and recreation. Clean up after your dog. No emptying of your dog allowed.

But still, -the wording of this warning sign is rather unwieldy.

As Seen on TV - Home Shopping Channel Maybe?

Image Source

I bet that there must have been marital discord in this household. I would clearly have to side with the wife on this one though. The boat is blocking the driveway and the yard. I am pretty sure she made someone an eye-waterin’ deal on it to get that boat and wagon out of there.

When I got married, I had my own stuff. And so did my wife. It was two households coming together and yet I have to paraphrase a favorite comedian from television and say of this that most of my stuff didn’t survive the merger! That’s okay though. Most of my stuff was crap anyway. Just ask my wife, she’d validate this! (Just kidding, honey!)

Right Hand Knows Not…

…what the other hand is doing.

Image Source

 I am positive that giving up Sunday Services for Lent was not what was intended here.

Oh Dude! I’ve Got the Munchies!

Image Source

These go pretty well with herb brownies I am told. They look pretty good though. Damn, -I’m hungry!

This Could be ‘Engrish-worthy’

(Image source: author)

My son had a musical keyboard that had what without a doubt would qualify for inclusion on Engrish.com. I really should submit this image to them and their site. Engrish.com is a web site whose motto is “Engrish for Suddenly Laugh.” The site is not meant to embarrass, harass or persist any stereotype of any particular race, society or people. It highlights poorly-translated product descriptions and products and is for entertainment purposes only. You have to love those Japanese and Chinese for they give us so many humorously-translated products! You should check out Engrish.com for that happiness feeling!

CAPTCHA

Image Source

This is awesome funny! I wonder how often certain letter combinations come up that actually spell something, either real words, vulgar or maybe even leet? This might make for an interesting study. What is “leetspeak?”

 Well for example, “4n¥0n3 (4r3 70 74|{3 4 7r¥ 47 £337$p34|{?”  is “Anyone care to take a try at leetspeak?” Study the leet closely, you will start to see the words obfuscated in other ASCII-characters. It takes patience and practice.

“CAPTCHA” on the other hand you may be more familiar with. It is the contrived acronym (read about acronyms) for “Completely Automated Public Turing test to tell Computers and Humans Apart.” It is a process that is intended to protect websites from spambots that might attempt to access restricted zones within the site.

This CAPTCHA image above suggests some bad potty-mouth expression and is rather funny.

The makers of CAPTCHA now recommend “reCAPTCHA” as the official implementation. This involves two (or more) scrambled words, thus is of a higher security assurance that a human has read/rendered the code correctly and not an optical reader which could as of yet, not complete this task.

No Bills, Please

Image Source

 That is Bill Gate on the top-left, Bill Cosby on the top-right and of course, Bill Clinton on the bottom.

Oh Really? They Can ‘Bill Me!’

Image Source

Funerals are expensive, so what’s another $200.00 more-or-less? So yeah, -send me the bill.

Expensive to Eat Out?

Image Source

 Germaine, but there really should be a decimal point in there somewhere.

Anything Greater than 4-cyl. Goes in the Lake

Image Source

That’ll keep our highways clean.

Cat: Dead or Alive. Maybe

Image Source

“Schrödinger’s cat” is a thought experiment. A paradox. In quantum mechanics this thought experiment describes a cat in a sealed box with a vial of deadly poison and a Geiger counter. The experiment describes a condition of a random event which occurs in which causes the vial of poison to shatter and this kills the cat, or not. It depends upon the earlier random event. A state can exist whereby the cat is both dead and alive simultaneously within the sealed box, yet if we open the box, the conditions are of either dead OR alive.’ This type of paradox is also referred to as ‘entanglement’ in quantum physics, but I think Mr. Schrödinger got into those stoned wheat crackers mentioned earlier.

Movie Parody

Image Source

You know, I have not seen “Brokeback Mountain.” For as much as I enjoyed Heath Ledger’s final performance as ‘ Joker’ in Batman: The Dark Knight, I really do feel that I should check out this movie too.

They Killed Kenny!

Image Source

Poor Kenny… he dies in every episode of the Comedy Central hit series “South Park.” And we’ve sent him to Iraq. We’re bastards!

If the name Munro Leaf rings a bell to you, it's probably thanks to that charming classic he penned and Robert Lawson illustrated: The Story of Ferdinand, about a bull who would rather sit and smell the flowers than fight in the ring. Apparently the book, first published in 1936, was banned in several countries for its pacifist, apparently lefty ways. Although it won no awards that I know of, it's inspired political change and works of art and remains a favorite more than 70 years later.

So, in a weeding discovery even more amazing than Isaac Asimov's little-known fascination with vitamins, I was shocked and awed to find this lesser known but still... um... great?... book not only written, but also illustrated, by Munro Leaf: Safety Can Be Fun, first published by Lippincott in 1936. This revised and expanded edition (in its sixth printing!) was published in 1961.

Were you wondering how safety could, possibly, be fun? Let me entice you with a few samples. From the introduction:

And now, a few of my favorite Nit-Wits. I dare you not to fall in love.

Amazing what a little spot color can do.

That's right. "When it eats and drinks the pills, powders, lighter fluid, soaps and medicine it has piled up for a party—it is going to be badly poisoned. Too bad!"

No, your eyes do not deceive you. "Then it played with knives, razors, scissors and an axe until it had cut off the end of its necktie, chopped its shoe and taken a nick out of its ear. So they had to tie its hands up."

And, yes, then there's the baby holding a stick of dynamite and pointing a rifle at its face. "So it will be a race to see which blows him out first."

So it goes, for 63 pages!

Okay. Let's just pause a minute and remember that this is the guy who wrote that sweet little story about a flower-sniffing bull calf—a story that has stood the test of time.

Something tells me that today's parents, even (and perhaps especially) those reading Ferdinand to their little tykes, are not going to dig Safety Can Be Fun.

Munro Leaf had a whole series of "Can Be Fun" books on everything from manners to grammar to geography. He also wrote a book called How to Behave and Why which, unfortunately, my library does not own. I'm not sure whether all these books took the "Nit-Wit" angle or not.

I've been feeling torn about whether to keep the book in our collection. It's such a perverse little gem. But you can see from the images that it's in pretty grody condition. And then there's the whole babies-eating-poison-and-holding-guns things. Oh, how times change. It may be time to say goodbye.

But you know that "Lippincott Life Binding" advertised on the cover? It's no lie. These pages may be yellowed, torn, and covered with gook, but they're firmly attached to the spine!

and Other Warped and Creepy Talesby David LubarTom Doherty / 2007Why have I waited two years to review this book? I think it was because it got lost in one of the many piles of books, later to be hidden during moving. But part of me wonders if I didn't deliberately and subconsciously hide this book away. Because I was embarrassed? Because I was offended? Insulted? None of these.It's because

I've been weeding the 600s (Applied Science), and as always it's interesting to see what has circulated and what hasn't. In this section, most of the non-circs are older books (1970s and 80s) that have faded covers and the crusty patina of many children's dirty hands. Most of these books are "report books", written for the educational market but without long-lasting literary or illustrative value, so it's pretty easy to decide that, yes, we can get rid of this, that, and the other thing.

One of the most interesting things to me has been seeing "report books" written by authors who have since become better known for their trade work. (Peter at Collecting Children's Books wrote a terrific post about just this phenomenon; did you know Maurice Sendak's first gig was illustrating a book called Atomics for the Millions?) Sometimes it goes the other way; a well-known picture book author does a spin-off cookbook, for example.

And then there are the things I can't explain.

Why did the author of the classic and hugely popular science fiction Foundation Trilogy write a book called How Did We Find Out About Vitamins? Was Asimov that hard-up for cash, or were vitamins a personal passion of his? Or was this book actually written by a different guy named Isaac Asimov—a guy who wasn't living (at least reasonably) large off royalty checks and public appearances?

Regardless, could that book possibly have a more awkward title than How Did We Find Out About Vitamins?

Authors/Illustrators: Zhaohua Ji and Cui Xu

No! That's Wrong! is a lot of silly fun with wonderful illustrations... and a brilliant underlying message about the steady democratization of information.

Plot summary: A passing wind lifts a pair of underwear off a clothesline and sends them flying onto the head of a rabbit. The rabbit immediately thinks that this is a hat and goes off to share the fancy new accessory with his friends. The rabbit's friends all agree that it is a fabulous hat, but an invisible chorus keeps calling in from the borders of each page to correct the wayward bunny. (No! That's Wrong!) A vagabond donkey even comes up to correct the rabbit by showing him a men's underwear catalogue. The rabbit tries to conform to conventional wisdom, but in the end decides to rebel against the chorus and wear it as a hat... if he says it's a hat, then by golly, it's a hat! And a fabulous one at that!

The passing wind that serendipitously lifted that pair of underpants? That wasn't just some randomly mischievous breeze... those were the winds of change.

It is clear that Rabbit represents the current information revolution that is drastically altering the way in which we view the world. We live in a world where we no longer need to be confined by the definitions that are handed down to us from on high.

Look around you and you'll see the signs all over the place. The mainstream news media is being undermined by bloggers. CNN runs regular segments about the latest video on YouTube. The encyclopedia is being supplanted by Wikipedia. We no longer collect information, we create it.

All of which are signs that we no longer need to rely on the establishment for our information and that we are looking at the eventual demise of the traditional concept of authority. Case in point: The character of the donkey is an especially targeted attack on the waning reputation and crumbling prestige of Academia.












The donkey (or jackass) appears in thrift store suit like so many disheveled college professors in their ratty corduroy jackets. The donkey attempts to assert his authority on the matter of the underpants, but ultimately it is in vain. Academia, which for so long had the power of authority and an almost monopolistic claim over knowledge is slowly losing it's edge. The ivory tower has lost some of its sheen.

(Question: Is the fact that the donkey pulls out a men's underwear catalogue meant to represent the conservative accusation of the uber-liberalization of the academic elite and its alleged disregard for "traditional" family values?)

By refusing to kowtow to the naysayers of the establishment and tearing down the borders of the page, Rabbit is releasing himself and his compatriots from the arbitrary confines placed upon them by the power elite. As noted linguist Noam Chomsky wrote:

"Unfortunately, the act of 'definition' is the most widely accepted form of oppression in the world today. By assigning arbitrary 'meaning' to arbitrary words, restrictions are being placed on the very way in which we are allowed to think. Limiting our ability to think limits the ability to communicate, which in turn limits the ability to act as a group, which ultimately limits our ability revolt. It is precisely these types of deviously subliminal mechanisms that undergird all modes of oppression. Now, this is not to say that Merriam and Webster are the worst tyrants of our time, but they may just be the most effective." (Language and Mind, p. 137)

However, this form of oppression has been slowly eroding over time. Jumpstarted by the advent of the printing press and continuing through with the rise of the internet, the spread of information has exponentially gained in speed and in breadth. Information is now so readily available that the classic vestiges of authority have lost their stranglehold on knowledge and meaning--the consolidation of information is a relic of the past. The world is no longer exclusively defined top down, now it is being defined bottom up as well. And when bottoms are up, the only sensible thing to do is to wear underpants on your head.





Viva La Revolución!
















Surprising Underpants on the Head News Update: Just when you thought Washington couldn't get any more ridiculous... during a Congressional hearing on possible violations of the Geneva Conventions regarding torture, Rep. Dana Rohrabacher (R-CA) hones in on the phrase "panties on someone's head" in an attempt to undermine the Inspector General's argument. Unfortunately, by distorting and making light of the situation, he only succeeds in demeaning himself and his office.

Though he's certainly not the first and he certainly won't be the last.

I'd like to see a public hearing in the CNMI on whether to continue the minimum wage hike this May 2008.

American Samoa is conducting such hearings. See this Radio New Zealand item. And while we have some similarities to American Samoa (past reliance on an industry that is pulling out; and workers imported from elsewhere), our situation is not exactly the same. We are closer to Guam and Asia, perhaps with a bigger base for our second (now first) industry--tourism.

Of course, our Senate has already gone on record as opposing the wage hike and calling for a suspension of the small 50cent increase scheduled. Kudos to Senator Maria Pangelinan for being the lone voice of compassion and reason.

I think we need another minimum wage hike. With our current minimum at just $3.55 / hour, no one has a real incentive to go out and work.

I also wonder about the classified ads in the newspaper for jobs these days. Look at today's ads in the Tribune, for example. You'll see "1 carpenter...salary:$3.05/hour" and yardworker--$3.05 / hour; and commercial cleaner--$3.05/hour; and diesel mechanic--$3.05/hour; and janitor-$3.05/hour; and beautician-$3.05/hour; and cook--$3.05-3.25/hour--all from Philipppine goods Const. Inc. You'll also see auto mechanic-$3.05-$3.55/hour-A.C.C.S. Corporation dba Cartown.

How are these businesses offering these jobs at lower than our current minimum wage? We need the U.S. Department of Labor to come in and stop this, because obviously our own local labor department isn't. (And will probably certify these companies' employment of contract workers based on these advertisements.)

I'm also disgusted to see the usual array of skilled workers, all at minimum wage--graphic artist, mason, electrician, accountant. These are not typically minimum wage jobs in America. Just check on line any state and look at the classifieds in a local newspaper. I chose Ohio (since I grew up there eons ago). Graphic artist--like a page designer--listed as "entry level" pay, but with paid vacation, health benefits and a 401k plan! Construction workers--like maintenance worker doing carpentry, painting, etc.--$14/hour, plus paid vacation, medical benefits and a 401k plan. "Accountant"--translate this to a simple payroll clerk--$15.00 / hour.

Obviously there's a strong economic pull for our island workers to move to the states. We can't compete by offering equal pay as our mainland counterparts, but we certainly can raise our minimum wage, which in turn might help push up other wages on top of those. And thus we get closer to a decent, living wage.

With family and our beautiful environment, this could be enough to keep our local talent pool here, and lessen our reliance on foreign workers, make us more independent, and strengthen our economy from within.

Do we want this? Or do we want the same few businesses raking in profits for themselves by using cheap foreign labor, relying on people who are denied basic civil rights and a share in the economic pie? Do we want a community that values its local citizens as workers and pays them accordingly, or do we want to push our blue-collar working citizens out the door to Guam and the mainland U.S.?

Well, I know what I want. Thoughts, any one else?

The CNMI got a 50cent raise in minimum wage (to $3.55) last July 2007, and is set to have another 50cent raise (to $4.05) this May 26, 2008.

It comes as no surprise that our illustrious governor is trying to put the kibosh on this next incremental raise, and all future scheduled raises (50cents each year through 2015, until we reach $7.25, which will be the minimum wage in the U.S. set for year 2009). He lobbied heavily against the first increase, and effectively insisted on having the minimum wage law include requirements for a study by the Department of Labor on the effect of the raises.

And he is not alone--the representative to the U.S. Congress from American Samoa has introduced a bill to stop the incremental minimum wage increases, which also apply to them.

The U.S. Department of Labor has now issued its report, and the Variety and Tribune have each reported the governor or his spokespeople saying how this report completely vindicates their argument that raising minimum wage in the CNMI is harmful to our economy.

Thanks to Ken Phillips at SOSaipan for a link to the actual report, which I've linked to, also, here.



Ken's comments are also helpful in orienting a reader to the report's "findings."

CNMI Governor Fitial is using the age-old practice of "spin" to argue that the DOL's latest report supports suspension of the minimum wage hike. See, e.g. this Variety news story or this Tribune story.

The spin includes distortions of what the report actually says, what people in the CNMI think about raising minimum wage, and characterization of the report as reaching a conclusion against implementation of the next minimum wage increase.

1. According to the Tribune article, "Increasing the CNMI wage to $7.25 an hour, the report said, is comparable to raising the U.S. minimum wage to $16.50 an hour." NOT TRUE.

First of all, the report actually says "The scheduled increase in the minimum wage to $7.25 (by 2015) will likely affect at least 75 percent of wage and salary workers in the CNMI. By comparison, in order to directly affect 75 percent of U.S. hourly workers, the minimum wage would need to be raised to $16.50, the 75th percentile mark for wage and salary workers who are paid hourly rates."

What this means is that the CNMI has a much larger segment of its working population suffering from the low minimum wage than the U.S. does. In the U.S., minimum wage is truly a "floor" and many workers obviously earn more than the minimum, which is why it would take such a much larger increase to effect 75% of them. This is not an argument AGAINST raising minimum wage here, but only highlights the urgency and desperation of why we need these incremental raises.

Second of all, the report is comparing apples and oranges--or really today and many years hence. The CNMI is not facing a raise to $7.25 this year. We are facing a raise to $4.05 this May. NOTHING in the report tells us what that is comparable to in the U.S.


2. The governor reports a "broad concensus" against raising the minimum wage to the next level here. Jeff Flores has already spoken out here that he disagrees, and doesn't believe people here are uniformly against raising minimum wage.

It's time to show that the Governor is misstating the facts about what the people in the CNMI want. Every worker here who earns minimum wage of $3.55 who is in favor of raising their minimum wage to $4.05 should contact Mr. George Miller or any of the representatives on the House Committee on Education and Labor. Any other person, whether you earn minimum wage or not, who feels it's important to raise the CNMI minimum wage to $4.05 this May, can also express their views to the committee members. You can see the full committee roster here. Or you can just write or call: Democratic Staff, 2181 Rayburn House Office Building, Washington, DC 20515, (202-225-3725).

3. The DOL report includes statements about the past that are informative, but nothing it says about the present effect of the minimum wage here or the likely effect another raise may have is at all reliable. The report itself denies reliability.

It notes that there are many adverse economic factors. In discussing the garment industry, the report says that lack of data make it impossible to distinguish among the various adverse factors as to which are having the greatest impact. (page 31)

Although the report paints a bleak picture and talks about how difficult having a raise in minimum wage is when times are tough, it also suggests that the tourism industry may rebound. If it had applied its own logic to this statement, this might suggest room for absorbing the impact of the minimum wage hike.

But most telling is this: "The CNMI does not yet have in place macroeconomic data collection and accounting-systems technology capable of generating information on total output and its components on a monthly or quarterly basis. As a result, there is not a way to provide objective measures of productive capacity, capacity utilization, employment, wages or unemployment rates...In the absence of complete and accurate macroeconomic data, there is no objective method to guage the level of aggregate economic activity, the level of employment it supports, or other important measures such as total personal income, consumption, savings and other metrics that explain the well-being of the population and the average citizen...The lack of such data are especially a barrier to assessing the current and future impact of the recent and scheduled increases in the minimum wage."

In other words--they're just guessing, and can't say anything objective.

The Governor's spin is nothing but more twist against what is fair and just--a living wage for workers.

I found this interesting review on Amazon.com:

162 of 175 people found the following review helpful:
2.5 out of 5 stars I AM NOT A MONSTER!!! January 30, 2008
By Gonzo the Great "Creative Consultant" (Reno, Nevada) See all my reviews

First let me say that I have great respect for Ed Emberley... but as a weirdo, I felt that it is my duty to say something. People have been making this mistake for far too long... so listen up: Weirdos are not Monsters!!!!



Just look at Emberley's list of so-called "weirdos": Vampire, Goblin, Cat, Monster, Witch, Devil, etc. As you can see, these are monsters, not weirdos. (Except for the cat... because cats are most definitely weird).

Now I'm not saying that weirdos can't be monstrous, because they can. And I'm definitely not saying monsters can't be weird cause there are some doozies out there (take this guy for example).

When it comes down to it, I'm not even sure exactly what weirdos are... but that's beside the point! My point is that weirdos are not necessarily monsters! So, basically, if Emberley changed the name of his book to Ed Emberley's Little Drawing Book of Monsters (Who Also Happen to be Weirdos), then I'd have no problem with it. In fact, I'm tempted to buy it anyways because I can get a used one for only 99 cents... and offensive or not, that's a bargain!!!

Donald (sorry for earlier mistake) Cohen hints at it in his letter today. Anthony Pellegrino included it in the assumptions made in his column earlier this week. We hear it all of the time--islanders, that is, the Chamorros and Carolinians of the NMI, don't want to do the work that has been handled by the foreign workers, because they're lazy!

I beg to differ.

This is a stereotype like the "shiftless Negro" of last century, or the siesta-taking Mexican--both prominently featured at times in America. It's a false icon that has worked its way into the dialogue and needs to be challenged.

I've been here 23 years. I know people in most segments of the community. I work with Chamorros and Carolinians in my office on a daily basis. They're not the exception. They represent the excellent quality of workers that exist in the local community. And although I work in an office, it's not all paper work. There are times when we all pitch in to haul water, clean the office, repair our dilapidated surroundings. In the past we've moved locations. And everyone, especially our local staff, has worked hard at these jobs, too.

We've all seen islanders sweat and endure hours and hours of hard work on their local farms, or preparing for fiestas and other events. This is real work. We know Chamorros and Carolinians who have moved in droves to the mainland U.S.A. for better jobs.

There is no lazy gene in the local talent pool. When the motivations are there, islanders work as hard as anyone else.

The problem is the issue of motivation. What U.S. citizen wants to work for a mere $3.55 / hour? (And that represents a raise from the $3.05 that prevailed as minimum wage until July 2007!) If islanders value their work at a higher rate than $3.55 / hour it doesn't make them lazy; it just means that they are fortunately not as desperate as the impoverished foreign contract workers who will accept any low pay. If the local islanders are moving to the mainland for jobs (which they are), they're not expecting to laze about. They're working hard, but getting higher pay that their work deserves.

I've heard complaints from Saipan employers about their local staff taking off for funerals and family needs. I've known locals who gave up their jobs for these types of reasons. All to whom I've spoken at these times seem ignorant about the federal law, the Family Leave Act. We could do with some better education on this law and the protections it affords. We could use a local law that extends this act to all employers, including the small ones. Then there would be fewer problems with these personal issues.

Just because foreign workers have fewer rights, less status and are more vulnerable, they complain less. That doesn't mean the local worker is a bad employee.

Of course there are some who will not work no matter how high the pay or good the opportunities. These people exist in all cultures. But they are a small minority.

So let's stop assuming that Chamorro and Carolinians do not want to do the hard work, the construction jobs, the farm work, the cleaning and service jobs. And let's stop pretending that it's all about "training." There is some training needed, especially for construction, but that can be met with voc-ed classes and on-the-job training the same as in the mainland.

We don't need special rules to get locals into the workforce. We don't need special opportunities and more expensive "training."

What is lacking is "motivation." And motivation could be instantly supplied with a higher minimum wage, one comparable to that in the mainland U.S.A., exactly what has lured hundreds and possibly thousands of locals to the mainland in the past few years.

What we have instead of sufficient motivation is this foolish, slow adjustment of minimum wage that is designed for failure. It's designed to cost employers just enough to cause problems and not provide enough boost to workers to make a difference--so that it can be shut down and stopped, and the further increases can be scuttled. And it is designed so that suppressed wages at the horribly low amounts can be continued.

With higher wages in the private sector, the local population will step up and WORK! Employers will be less tempted by cheap foreign labor, which won't be as cheap any more. Those foreign workers who remain in the CNMI will be treated better, too, at least economically, with higher wages. And everybody will win. Those earnings, in whole or in part, can be spent here, or saved here, and help restore our economy.

So please, everyone--including our elected leaders here, and our community and federal leaders-- stop assuming that locals do not want to work in real jobs. Stop assuming we need labor laws that grant special privileges to our local population. Our elected leaders especially need to stop pushing for desk jobs and management positions for locals. Let's honor all work--not just with "labor day" and recognition that the leader of our Christian community was himself a carpenter. Let's honor it with a living wage and the courage to treat people who have blue collar jobs as important, contributing members of our community.

We have a diverse community, and a range of talents, skills and interests even among our local populations. Let's embrace this diversity. Let's provide the motivation for work by everyone, in whatever jobs are needed to be done. That motivation would be higher wages, decent wages, a "living wage."

And then let's see who is "lazy."

The governor has called on Pete A. to retract his support for federalization of the CNMI immigration. I say--Pete A.--right on.

My very first blog post was about the minimum wage and federalization. I tackled both issues, which are related, like two sides of the same coin.

Since I wrote that blog post, we've gotten a small minimum wage increase of $.50 per hour, so our workers now earn $3.55. Next year, the U.S. law provides that there will be another $.50 increase here, unless forces against it manage to interrupt the law's application (always a possibility). Meanwhile the U.S. got a bigger minimum wage increase, so the gap between job pay here and in the U.S. continues to widen. I'm not happy with the minimum wage increase--I think it was too small and spread out over too much time. And it was designed to give ammunition to those who will say how raising the wages has caused businesses to fold, hurting the economy, without any appreciable increase in benefits. Well, consumer spending can hardly go up with such a small-scale increase. I think this wage increase was designed to fail, not succeed. As I said, I'm not happy.

Federalization of our immigration was on track, too, but seems to be getting derailed. I am very proud of Pete A. for sticking to his guns about what the people here really want. I WANT FEDERALIZATION NOW.

The CNMI has lost its ability to take care of immigration. We have a huge backlog of cases awaiting hearings or decisions. We're seeing human trafficking-foreign women tricked into accepting jobs where they are locked up except when they're dancing nude and serving ladies drinks. We have aliens murdered in the CNMI and a DPS that is over-taxed and unable to solve the murders.

We need help.

I'm tired of hearing U.S. citizen spouses threaten their alien spouse with divorce and automatic deportation as a means of family control and domination. Our laws don't call for any requirement of people getting married to provide for permanent residence for their spouses.

I'm disgusted that we have an alien here who applied for refugee protection and who is still waiting for a decision more than a year after having a hearing. You know--justice delayed is justice denied.

I find it frustrating that we have difficulty addressing human trafficking because of the problems with the fit between U.S. law and CNMI's immigration role.

We don't need control of immigration to be "self-governing." We elect our leaders. Our congressmen make our local laws. We can participate in a federal system, where the federal government handles issues of national concern like foreign relations and immigration and the local government handles issues of local concern like crime and public services. There's nothing demeaning about such a federal system.

The CNMI doesn't have enough money. Our CUC is in a sorry state. Our public schools are understaffed and under-funded. We don't have enough money for doctors and blood and all that we need for health care. Our police officers are underpaid and overworked. Our roads need fixing. We can't even take care of the stray dog population or copper wire thefts. Why do we want to keep pouring our CNMI dollars into an immigration system that only benefits a few businessmen and exploits other human beings? Why do we want to embrace a system that has forced our U.S. citizen population to head to the mainland in droves so they can get decent jobs rather than compete here against unlimited numbers of aliens willing to take the pittance offered as a salary?

We need federalization of our immigration. We need it now. Actually, we needed it yesterday, last month, last year, last century. But we still need it--NOW.

If the new minimum wage went into effect immediately, an hour of work would buy a gallon of gasoline (well, except for taxes paid on the "earnings"). But it doesn't go into effect until July. So for now, an hour of work is not enough, even if there weren't income tax, for this basic purchase.

The minimum wage is going up a whopping 50 cents, to $3.55 per hour, starting in July 2007.

Meanwhile, the U.S. minimum wage rises to $7.25, in a leap of $2.10. Notably, 30 states already have local minimum wages at that rate or higher.

And still our businessmen, like Juan Pan, complain and cry that this raise will hurt "us." Still, on our local news, we hear conjectures and hopes that there are loopholes, that this wage hike will be limited to one year, that the full effect of 50 cents per year until we reach the U.S. level just won't happen to us, won't be forced on us.

What "us" do these concerns purport to address? Not me. Not the fair businessmen and women here who already pay more than minimum wage. And certainly not the vast majority of people in the CNMI who are adversely effected by the wages kept low by a stagnant minimum wage and a ceaseless influx of desperate foreign workers, while prices continue to rise.

And yet it is these loud protests against raising the minimum wage here that make the news, are heard and repeated, are echoed by our Governor, are shown to represent us.

I am deeply ashamed of the CNMI.

The churches are full on Sundays, and the same people who sit in the pews and "pray" are willing to treat their brothers and sisters in God with contempt and disdain. Is it simply too much for us to share our earthly wealth? And why aren't our priests and ministers speaking out more forcefully about the needs of the poor? Don't all major religions include the precept of the need for charity? Isn't Christianity a promise to the poor, where a rich man will have as much chance of entering heaven as a camel of getting through the eye of a needle? Obviously, there are limits to the faith we share, weaknesses in our practice of it.

Instead of taking a chance on offering a living wage, the CNMI, through its loudest voices, insists that even a small pittance added to the miserable wages paid now will hurt us. What about all the employees, the "us" who are hurt by the constantly decreased value of static earnings?

The minimum wage hike that is now law, as it will be applied to the CNMI, is inadequate and is designed (intentionally?) to sabotage future wage increases. It's enough to force some marginal businesses to close, but it's not enough to do much good for people here to increase their spending or boost the economy in that regard.

I'm glad that the U.S. stepped into the long-time breach in fair wages here. I'm glad that there is some wage increase. But I wish that all of us in the CNMI would raise our voices to drown out the greedy, the heartless, and the users who protest this wage raise.

WE WANT A LIVING WAGE FOR EVERYONE. We support this and more raises to the minimum wage. All together now...WE WANT A LIVING WAGE FOR EVERYONE.