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A lot of people stop by this site because they’re curious to learn what it takes to not only write a children’s book, but to write a successful one. Some authors appear at workshops where they charge hundreds of dollars to dispense such insider tips. Not me. Today, I’m giving the good stuff out for free. I only ask that you thank me in your acknowledgements and cut me in on any foreign rights. It’s a fair trade for this invaluable wisdom. Let’s get down to it.

First off, the old advice is often the best advice. Write what you know. Do you know a puppy that’s a bit poky? How about some teenagers who hunt each other for sport? Connecting with children is about connecting with the world around you. A few monkeys don’t hurt either. That’s right. Forget wizards, vampires and zombies. Monkeys are what distinguish great children’s books. Try to imagine The Secret Garden without Jose Fuzzbuttons, the wisecracking capuchin whose indelible catchphrase “Aye-yaye-yaye, Mami, hands off the yucca!” is still bandied about schoolyards today? I don’t think you can.

Of course, the magic that is artistic inspiration must find its way in there. So how do you grab hold of it? Christopher Paolini swears by peyote-fueled pilgrimages to the Atacama Desert. I’m more of a traditionalist. A pint of gin and a round of Russian Roulette with Maurice Sendak always gets my creative juices flowing. Have fun. Experiment. Handguns and hallucinogens need not be involved. Though I see no reason to rule them out. Find what works for you.

Now, you’ll inevitably face a little writer’s block. There are two words that cure this problem and cure it quick. Public Domain. Dust off some literary dud and add spice to it. Kids dig this stuff. For instance, you could take some Edith Wharton and inject it with flatulence. The Age of Innocence and Farts.  Done. Easy. Bestseller.

I give this last bit of advice with a caveat. Resist the temptation to write unauthorized sequels to beloved classics. I speak from experience. My manuscripts for You Heard What I Said Dog, Get Your Arse Outta Here! and God? Margaret Again…I’m Late have seen the bottom of more editors’ trash cans than I care to mention. Newbery bait? Sure. Immune to the unwritten rules of the biz? Hardly.

Okay, let’s jump forward. So now you’ve got your masterpiece, but how the heck are you going to sell the thing? Truth be told, you’re going to need an advanced degree first. As anyone will inform you, kid lit authors without PhDs or MFAs are rarely taken seriously. If you can’t work Derrida or Foucault into a pitch letter, then you certainly can’t survive a 30-minute writing workshop with Mrs. Sumner’s 5th period reading class. So invest 60-100K and 3-6 years of your life. Then let the bidding war begin.

In the off chance that your book isn’t going to sell for six figures, try blackmail. Sounds harsh, but the children’s book industry runs almost exclusively on hush money and broken kneecaps. I mean, Beverly Cleary doesn’t even own a car. So why is she always carrying a tire iron?

Money is now under the mattress and the editorial process begins. Don’t worry at all about this. Editors won’t even read your book. They’ll simply call in Quentin Blake for some illustrations and then run the whole thing through a binding machine they keep in the back of the o

Call him the Tupac Shakur of children’s books.  Or maybe that title should go to Margaret Wise Brown.  In any case, it seems that every ten years or so we get a new Shel Silverstein book or collection of poems entirely out of the blue (I’m counting Falling Up, and Runny Babbit when I say that).  At some point this will inevitably lead to an Elvis situation, wherein folks will start claiming that Silverstein never actually died and is currently holed up somewhere in Amherst, MA, biding his time, releasing his books on his own schedule.  This is, of course, wishful thinking on my part since Silverstein is the author who was alive during my lifetime that I would have most liked to have met.  Watch out, Steven Kellogg.  You’re #2.  In any case, here’s the scoop on the newest Silverstein.  The man’s still got it  / had it.

• Sometimes you want to unlearn something you have learned.  Beware then, my readers.  Once you read this you can never go through life not knowing about it.

• Now that is how it is done!  Over the Atlantic the British blog Playing by the book has posted a quite remarkable little piece on an exhibit currently showing at the Imperial War Museum in Britain (where I once bought this poster).  In the blog post How to explore war with children?, we are told that, “Once Upon a Wartime, an exhibition which opened earlier this month at London’s Imperial War Museum, takes five children’s novels about war and conflict and uses them as a starting point to explore what war can mean for children.”  The five books in question include War Horse by Michael Morpurgo, Carrie’s War by Nina Bawden, The Silver Sword by Ian Serraillier, The Machine Gunners by Robert Westall and Little Soldier by Bernard Ashley.  Of these I am ashamed to say I have only read Carrie’s War (which is brilliant).  The post then goes on to talk about the exhibits and shows copious photographs.  It’s enough to make you pine, once again, for England.  Thanks to Sara Lewis Holmes for the link.

• I have this fantasy that someday I’ll conduct a video conversation with Travis Jonker where we converse entirely by holding up the titles of children’s books (after all, we know he’s ace with a video cam).  I think of such things when he makes similar projects look easy.  Take, for example, his latest book spine cento.  It’s all in preparation to get you guys excited about making your own book spine poems for Poetry Month.  I know I’m tempted.  Spine it up!

• The Ancient Editor Rejects a Manuscript and in the process offers some very fine props to Mr. Dan Gutman.  Thanks to @medinger for th
  11 Comments on Fusenews: The YA Mafia is dead. Long live the YA Mafia., last added: 3/6/2011
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  Zoe said, on 3/4/2011 11:34:00 PM
  

  So glad you liked my posts about the Imperial War Museum! The last space in in the exhibit was a library of (mostly) children’s fiction about war and conflict – I’ve now been provided with the list of books included in that section of the exhibition and will be posting the list next week in Playing by the book.

  Tom Angleberger said, on 3/5/2011 4:59:00 AM
  

  Re: Ralph Lauren: reminds me of a certain book by John Newbery.

  Liz B said, on 3/5/2011 5:42:00 AM
  

  I adore the book Silver Sword/ Escape From Warsaw. Love, love, love it. Almost enough to fly to London just to see that part of the exhibit.

  Genevieve said, on 3/5/2011 5:43:00 AM
  

  YES YES YES for the Nancy Eckholm Burkert illustrations for James and the Giant Peach. I don’t have my childhood edition anymore and I missed those pictures sorely when we got the book from the library and it turned out to have the Quentin ones. They just don’t have enough of the depth that lays just below the surface of this book.

  Scope Notes said, on 3/5/2011 7:17:00 AM
  

  Love your Silverstein/Tupac analogy. I look forward to the day when both return from the isolated islands they’ve been hiding out on since faking their own deaths. How else to explain their level of posthumous output? Also, thanks for the book spine poetry shout-out – it’ll be cool to see what folks come up with.

  Emma Walton Hamilton said, on 3/5/2011 8:15:00 AM
  

  Thank you so much for the shout-out, Elizabeth! I’d be honored to be a part of your children’s lit salon anytime – New York is an easy 2 hour drive from Sag Harbor.
  Warmly,
  Emma Walton Hamilton

  Nathan Hale said, on 3/5/2011 8:41:00 AM
  

  “Boys and girls can dress up and down, they can be sporty or elegant.” I won’t lie, I want to experience this R.L. Gang.

  Joanna said, on 3/5/2011 11:00:00 AM
  

  Fusenews andZoe thanks so much for the information on the Imperial Museum’s new Once Upon a Wartime exhibition. Sounds worth another trip to London to see friends. Loved Cacrrie’s War and the Silver Sword. Actually I did a blog review last week for an awesome picture book about War/peace called “The Enemy” by David Cali and Serge Bloch.

  Please pursue your idea of a Children’s Literary Salon, and may I add support to your thoughts of inviting Emma Walton Hamilton. I came across Emma’s blog, Emmasaries, last year and have subsequently followed her online course on writing Picture books, Justwriteforkids and am a member of the ChildrensBookHub. The skills, information and encouragement I have received from all three resources have been phenomenal. Emma is not just an author but an individual gifted in, and motivated by, helping other writers reach their vision.

  I now need to check out a Curious Collection of Cats.

  Patricia Tilton said, on 3/5/2011 3:03:00 PM
  

  Just read your comment about the good advice available to authors on Emma Walton Hamilton’s Blog. I just happen to be a member of the Hub, the very informative virtual literary salon Emma has created for both published and aspiring authors. Emma holds two teleseminars a month for members: one Q&A with Emma and the others are interviews with authors, agents, publishers and so on. For me, the Hub is laying a wonderful foundation for members. It is so nice to be part of a literary community where you can learn from an outstanding author, editor and educator, but at the same time develop a creatve and supportive bond with a group of writers. Hope others will check out the Children’s Book Hub.

  elizabethanne said, on 3/5/2011 3:25:00 PM
  

  Great post!

  I’d like to alert you and your readers to a wonderful Canadian middle-grade trilogy about children evacuated to Canada during World War II — gives an excellent perspective on that aspect of the war and its effect on children: Look for “The Guests of War” trilogy by Kit Pearson. The individual titles are “The Sky is Falling”, “Looking at the Moon”, and “The Lights Go on Again”.

  And I’m delighted to see your mention of Emma Walton Hamilton’s blog and Children’s Book Hub. I can highly recommend both — Emma has taught me so much as I progress in my writing career. She is a gem!

  Mitali Perkins said, on 3/5/2011 3:48:00 PM
  

  Thanks, Betsy, on behalf of BAMBOO PEOPLE!

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