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I don’t like chaos. I used to think it was wanting control but I am realizing it’s my sensitive brain needing order. It all makes sense. As a highly sensitive person, I have a ton of information coming in at once. I notice the big things, the tiny things, and the things on an intuitive level also. That’s a ton of neurons firing and sorting at once. So it makes sense if I walked into a room that was, for example, a crazy party, my brain would take in the flashing lights, the music, the people, the people and their thoughts and feelings, ALL AT ONCE and I could easily overheat my main drive.

Walking into a crazy classroom, I feel like a border collie wanting to get some order with these disorganized sheep that are wandering here and there. I look to create immediate order, and the best way to do that is create some kind of focus in the messiness in front of me. Being sensitive is all about the path of self-acceptance. If I had physical limitations, like one leg, or couldn’t see, I would have to adapt and create a way of being. And I don’t think being sensitive is a limitation, but being not the norm in society, we sure are treated as such. We need to know ourselves and know what we need. (And the positive flip side of this is I am great at editing, pulling together a product or project, and can pull out intuitive information that isn’t available to everyone, and a host of other gifts.)

I like the gas in the car analogy. If I know my car needs special gas to function well, I don’t shame and frown at the car. If I know my body can’t do milk, I don’t shame my body (although I do get frustrated when pizza is around), I listen to my body. This is what this body needs or doesn’t need. Pushing my system to just “adapt” to wild chaos and the party in front of me, is just funny. It’s ignoring how you are wired. With the party situation, I know that I need to create some focus. I can focus on my friends, or the dessert table :), or dance and just go into my own little world. Focusing can help block out the extra noise so I create order in my brain. I accept I have a border collie in me that is protecting my sensitive system. And when the little guy can’t round up the sheep, I know I will have some difficulties and will need to work through it and with it, not ignore this fact. Otherwise, I know the consequence, and it looks the same as if I had eaten that slice of pizza.

I have a guilty pleasure.

I watch reality television. My favorite kind of show are design or cooking challenges. I am a Project Runway addictee and I’ve pretty much watched every season up to date. This past weekend I finished watching the finale for the past season and HULU suggested another show, Australia’s Top Model. I do admit to watching the last guys and girls season of America’s Top Model, and I was entertained by the drama and the fashion photography. That show falls into the same category as the cooking shows I watch. I am a horrible cook so watching good cooking is a bit of a fascination for me. There’s no stress because I know I will never aspire to be even a bit better than I am as I have no talent in this area. The model shows are much the same. I will never be 5’10, twig-like, flat-chested, or eighteen again, so it’s safe to witness another world I will never be a part of. I have realistic expectations.

Surprisingly, the Australian show was much more brutal with criticism then the American show. From watching a two season marathon (yes, I watched two seasons while drawing most the day),  it seemed the judges made up the rules as they went along. Girls were judged by their runway walk, but once they got that down, they SHOULD have worked on their photos instead. And the judges picked out their final photos from a large pile they took of them usually choosing the best or the odd one of the bunch to their preference. Sometimes, criticism made perfect sense and we, the audience, learned a great deal about how to model, although, I have to say, I really don’t have that interest. Other times, criticism was random and odd. Particularly brainless was giving the girl criticism about the size of her butt who clearly showed signs of early eating disorder and was model thin.

All this model show watching had me thinking about clear expectations. I am realizing something rather important as a sensitive. I need clear expectations. What is often hard having my own business is that there is a part of me that thinks, I will do all this work and offer all this, and in return, I will be rewarded with what I need. The problem is often when that doesn’t happen and I am left with an uneven exchange.

Most sensitive folk are very responsible and we like to please. Whether that pleasing is for approval, and approval can mean acceptance, or it is simply to keep the peace because we hate conflict. In order to please we need the rules, and the rules, like in that tv show, aren’t always very clear. We want to know that if we do A/ then B/ we get a reward. Many situations we think we do A and B, we may even get chastised for not doing C and D, when we hadn’t even known there was a C and D, which is what often happens with unclear expectations or hard to please people.

In Grad School classes we were told about Rubrics. We had set expectations for each course we took describing what was expected of us. If we did a certain amount of work we received a grade. If we did things well or did more than expected, we received good grades. None of this was subjective, it was super clear. If I wanted that A, I had to do a certain amount of work and I was rewarded. WE NEED THAT!

I think we’ve all lived through situations growing up that we may have been expected to be more extroverted and do things like extroverted people do, and to be less sensitive or emotional.  This is much like being asked to be eighteen again and model thin. Impossible expectations are just that…crazy and unrealistic. We will fail but not because of what we are attempting. Trying to please and fulfill those expectations might be even crazier. (It’s what I call the Treadmill). Maybe it’s time to walk away from situations that ask that of us and be pulled to the ones that have a very clear, upfront formula for success. And if isn’t clear, we can ask that it is.

The other day I went to Walmart and got my usual Walmart headache. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love the prices and the fact that if I need a Vacuum bag that fits only a Kenmore C, I can get that alongside my favorite cookies. As an empath, I usually pick up a ton of feelings that aren’t mine in that store, probably because of the Dome Affect. There are no windows in Walmart. There is no energy circulation, so to speak, so it all gets nicely trapped inside. And the thoughts are rampant bouncing around the walls hitting you, henceforth, the Walmart buildup headache. All these bouncing thoughts had me wondering about psychic ability of Telepathy.

You can pick up thoughts from someone ruminating on you from far away, and walk away with them thinking they are own, much like the latest virus. Next thing you know, you are feeling hyper, angry or crazy (that’s their energy you are picking up from those thoughts.)  It’s the ability where you know who is ringing your cell before you even say hello. It’s even the knowing you have when you use animal communication on your dog companion.

In this new mini class, we will explore our telepathic ability and how to unload and balance it out, and then develop it to be able to read more energy and not feel so overloaded in our brains. It’s a superpower ability you already have! Check out the class HERE, which starts in only a few weeks. Sign up in October to get the shiny Early Bird rate over here.

Have you noticed the last few weeks energy has been kinda wacky? For the empathic person, this has been a crazy time.  Perhaps it’s the dreaded Mercury Retrograde, which has been talked about often in local new agey circles. It could be the overall malaise from the country battling things like weird ass fears (Ebola), unexpected losses (Robin Williams), and news of terrorists cutting off heads and being brutal, magnified by the wild moon action (red eclipse). Energy-wise to the sensitive, the energy feels choppy, bumpy and well, weird. Manifesting seems like a struggle and uphill battle, and our usual guidance might even be quiet (I hate those times of feeling disconnected). How do you get through it? I have noticed many colleagues and friends avoiding Facebook and the News, which, especially has been a big downer. Taking plenty of time out to touch base with Nature or be alone to regroup is also helpful. And telling yourself, this too will pass, is a good reminder. Hang on Sensitive! With any energy build-up, there needs to be a release.

It’s Moon Madness. Lunar Eclipse wildness and Planetary fun. What to do when the crazy energies hit you? How about this…

1. Dance around naked in the moonlight! (Only recommended if you have a closed-in backyard from the neighbors).
2. Dance around in the moonlight in the forest. (There’s a naked theme going here).
3. Ground. This is an important one. When there’s lots of crazy energies about, it’s easy to float up and out. This manifests as forgetfulness, spaciness and fuzzy brain. Do what you can to get deep into that body of yours. (I know, I know, it’s more fun to float around the cosmos). Think dirt, your feet, or exercise.
4. Make a moon madness goal collage. Cut out pics of the moon and what you want to accomplish.
5. Take photos of the moon and express yourself.
6. Watch a video of the eclipse on the internet. Cool, huh?
7. Check out this Lunar Crafts projects on Pinterest. Personally, I like the Moon Crater Art Project.
8. Stay away from other people until it passes. I recommend a cave somewhere warm. With art supplies and junk food. Maybe with your animals.
9. Dive down deep and do some real soul searching. The moon can amplify feelings. Why not go in there and learn?
10. And number ten, write a story about what life on the moon is like. Is the moon really made of cheese? Or are there moon people living deep inside underground? Design a whole way of moon life on paper.

Happy Mooning! Okay, that doesn’t sound right. You get the idea.

Fairy blessings,

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Or sign up for an animal communication mentorship? That’s a moon goal. Also, really cool, really new empath mentorships. I am setting up October and November mentorships right now.

Not everyone that is sensitive is empathic. Not all folks that are sensitive are highly sensitive. And some, are celery. I realized this a few months back when I met a bunch of folks all at once who were sensitive (I tend to draw in lots of sensitive people, I’m guessing because like attracts like, or perhaps, because I wrote a book on it), but not all were empathic, or even highly sensitive. You can be one that is very feeling-sensitive, meaning, your feelings are easily hurt, but you don’t have a clue what someone else is feeling. Some folks don’t even care, and then fall into the Insensitive category.

Sensitive Empathic.

A sensitive empathic person, who I like to write about it here on the blog, is one that is not only sensitive to the environment, energy or feelings, but who is also empathetic to others’ feelings. This type of person can feel what others are feeling as if those feelings are their own. They are great at reading others, and tuning into a room and knowing what “radio dial” of emotion that room is set at, and have the habit of picking up lots of stuff that isn’t their own.

Sensitive.

A sensitive person is one that can have their feelings easily hurt, may feel some things deeply and others things not so deeply, can understand other people sometimes, but may not be empathic in anyway, or tuned in to intuition, or that spiritual connection or energy. Some sensitive people can be very un-empathic with others’ feelings because they fall more in the celery category, and it can be very confusing to other sensitive people, who assume because someone is sensitive, they are also tuned into the feelings of others.

Highly Sensitive.

I just love Elaine Aron’s book, The Highly Sensitive Person. She talks of the special class of folks that are Sensitive Empaths who are, you guessed it, also highly sensitive. Not a freak of Nature, but I think, more of an evolution, these sensitive have bodies that are wired to pick up all kinds of energies and frequencies, that many can not. They process and take in a great deal at one time.

Celery.

Celery are not bad or good, and no judgement by the way, I just chose the word Celery because it came to mind, and I think I’m hungry. (Yeah, now that I think of it, I’m craving a big salad). Celery folks are not sensitive or empathic. They are the thick-skinned which most the time stuff, just bounces off their backs. They are the opposite of the empathic and are here for balance,  and the empaths are here to balance them. We need the folks that are not empathic at all and can live in a world that pretty much just includes their feelings and that’s it. To the empath, this would be like a vacation! And the Celery need desperately to learn how to be more empathic and consider others’ feelings too. The Celery are often extroverts that are able to have a bubble around them that is just their world.

The Insensitive.

We can all have our moments when we are insensitive, especially times when we are too involved in our own stuff to think of others, or when we are so overloaded that we just shut down and off (common in the highly sensitive or sensitive empathic). No one is immune to this dilemma. But then there are the category of folks that are just insensitive and mean. I tend to believe that deep, deep down, these folks are very sensitive and have big walls up to protect themselves that have harden to clay and now they don’t feel not much at all. It is best to avoid the insensitive and remind yourself, it is not your job to melt their clay, nor can you.

So, which are you? Have you met the different degrees of sensitivity? Do you recognize any of these in yourself or others?

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**Hey, I just posted October classes for the Sensitive. Registration is open now. Hop on over to see HERE.

We need to hear our tribe.

I receive a great deal of notes from readers saying that my book or a blog post I wrote helped them feel more self-acceptance and less alone. That got me thinking. We just need to hear our tribe. When we gather and share, we do feel less alone. We feel belonging. And then realize we have many of the same thoughts and feelings. We aren’t folks with two heads. So, here’s my first share from one of my re-tooled classes, Care of the Sensitive Workshop (starts September 26th). Have you felt this way? (feel free to share)

Here’s the LINK.

Sensitive folks overload easily. The cause is not because we are delicate or weak. We are just wired to pick up all the layers of information at once. This means we pick up the subtle nuances most miss, like the sound of the doves singing outside the window, or that a friend is cranky even though she hasn’t said or showed any indication. On the flip side of this is we can take in all that information and fry our brains and emotions when it gets way too much (picture the heads exploding like in that old horror movie, Scanners. Yup, not a pretty picture and of course, not literal.) You can be pretty sure a sensitive has gone into overload when they show signs of shutdown which include a blank look, anxiety/nervousness, spaced-out feeling, or signs of insecurity. Symptoms look different in each sensitive. And what every sensitive wants is to be understood and known. So non-sensitives, LEARN THESE. And sensitives, share this list with your non-sensitives.

The Top 10 Ways to Overload a Sensitive

(and to be loving and kind to your sensitive AVOID these):

1. Push.

This warning label (“do not push”) should come with every sensitive born into this world. Pushing does not motivate a sensitive. It forces the automatic shut down valve to go off. Pushing only speeds up the “take in-sort through-digest” process making overwhelm happen faster because there’s no time to digest. It also just really pisses us off.

2. Load a ton of responsibility on our shoulders, be sure to not acknowledge or appreciate what we are already doing, and then add more. 

That one speaks for itself, but I must say, as a tribe, sensitive folk are usually over-responsible and will take on a great deal as it is.

3. Increase sensory input.

Add very loud music we can’t control, or let in a swarm of flies in the room that can’t be caught. I am a tolerant person but when my neighbor plays country music on full throttle until 2 a.m., I’m going to get a little out of balance.

4. Expect a day of constant stimulation out of us.

Start the day early by taking us out for the day shopping, then stop at a crowded restaurant, go sight-seeing, and then dancing all night with a ton of noise and people. Just see what happens. Observe. Be sure to not include any breaks or alone time.

5. Add any illness to the day and then introduce either 1/, 2/, or 3/. Heck, even 4/.

Add llness or even a woman’s “time of the month,” and we are down for the count. Then all the sensory input and noise just swoops right in because our thin walls are way down. It’s a little like having the radio on several channels at once.

6. Add a crowd. 

I still write about the Willie Nelson concert I went to that had a line wrapped around the casino to get into, then I was surrounded by a huge stadium-filled crowd screaming. Thank goodness it was outside because a crowd packed into a room with no walls? Oh fun.

7. Increase time pressure.

This one goes along with the “pushing” category. Sensitive folk like to flow in the zone moving to their own rhythms. We are great with deadlines but we need to control how we get there. I watch Project Runway and each episode when the designers get closer to presenting their creations, we can feel their tension through the screen. Let us control our rhythm.

8. Layer on the emotional sad stories. 

We can sometimes overload from reading the Facebook feed of sad stories everyone is feeling. We feel compassion when our friends are going through rough times. Our hearts can jump out of our chests and MERGE. Our empathy is our superpower and it can be unbalanced at times when it’s multiplied.

9. Give us too much change at once. 

We like our change in smaller steps; a little like slowly entering the pool rather then diving right in. We get in there, it just takes a little longer.

10. Add too many little technical things that don’t work.

I am sure this one matches everyone not just sensitive folk. Have a day where the bank screws up your account, or your computer doesn’t respond, or there’s a glitch in Photoshop and you lost all your data, and we will get rather testy. THEN add any two from the above list and we frazzle up quite good.

So, be kind to a sensitive today. Understand what creates overload and what makes life work swimmingly well for your sensitive friend. And for goodness sake, never ever say, “You need to toughen up instead!” That’s like being short and being told to be tall! Say that and you will see a different kind of overload.

Fairy blessings,

Have you recently gone to the movies (or rented on Netflix) and thought, “Dear Lord, why didn’t you warn me!” Yes, me too. So I thought, why not start a bi-monthly report here at The Designing Fairy, to warn my fellow sensitives and save them a ton of therapy.

This week’s selections: Bates Motel and The Awakening

photo credit: Netflix

• Netflix description: “Everyone knows what happened in Psycho, but this chilling series takes viewers inside Norman Bates‘ world before Marion Crane checked in.”

• Warnings posted: The show is listed under “scary and dark.” My gut should have alerted me since it’s not a happy bunny kind of subject.

• My warning: Don’t watch the Pilot. If you are a sensitive, you will need years of therapy to process the senseless violence you just witnessed for the sake of entertainment. *Spoiler alert* there’s a rape scene halfway through that can’t be stomached, and I do understand the writer’s motive including it to show the breakdown of the psychological state of Norman’s mom, but c’mon! The character committing the act was cartoonish, one-sided aggression/craziness and the act portrayed and showed in the movie, just out and out horrible. I can’t tell you if the rest of the Pilot was worse or better as I pretty much stop watching at that point and had to fill my mind up with happy things like dancing bunnies and happy wagging tails. (Several episodes of Adventureland seemed to help)

• Sensitive consensus: I talked to my friends on FB who all agreed that they also stopped watching after the senseless violence.

photo credit: Netflix

• Netflix description: “A haunted boarding school calls on Florence Cathcart, who disproves hoaxes for a living. But the strange place leads Cathcart to question rationality.”

• Warnings posted: It is listed as a horror movie and categorized as “chilling and suspenseful.”

• My warning: This was a really interesting plot for a ghost story and very clever. Many, in the reviews I read, compared it to The Others, which haunted you psychologically way after watching it.  The scary element isn’t too bad more like lots of “boo” moments. No visions that will stick in your mind until more toward the climax of the movie is a scene of sexual violence that matched Bates Motel. The character culprit was useless to the plot, the moment contradicted the story as the main character was rather powerful and strong, and viewers did not enjoy watching her helpless, at least I sure didn’t. I did enjoy the movie up until that point, and it was so distasteful it was like hearing someone write on a chalkboard with their nails.

What’s with it, Hollywood? A movie nowadays isn’t complete without violence to women? Rethink your writing. Then we all wonder why politics takes our rights away out from under us. As for you my fellow sensitives, stay away from these two and for scary, stick to old episodes of Goosebumps and Are You Afraid of the Dark?

Until next time, Fairy blessings,

I am one that will hold on tight to my emotions in order to stay in strength, but sometimes, I need some releasing of the dam to maintain balance or mine erupts. Because I’m not a crier easily, I need to jump-start the process. Perhaps, you are the same. Here are my top Crying Resources to allow me to have a good cry, release, and be back in balance. Drum roll please.

Top 5 Crying-starting Resources:

1. Watch the finales of any competition reality show. I just watched Robert win Jim Henson’s Creature Shop Challenge (spoiler alert) and the tears flowed in happiness for the guy. It’s wonderful watching someone’s hard work pay off and dream come true. This is a good cathartic cry that is unchallenging and doesn’t push too many buttons. 
2. Watch more television. Last night I watched a marathon of Pretty Little Liars and witnessed the usually perfectly-attired and made-up actresses fall apart by wearing mis-matched clothing and minimal makeup while their sanity and lives fell apart. I cried along with them in unison but this cry brought up pass pain to release, and should be monitored to avoid going down roads that are unhelpful and unnecessary to the therapeutic process.
3. I read an article today in the Facebook Feed about a local puppy that is in the hospital after being thrown from a car window. This was an ugly, torturous cry. I felt so deeply for this baby and anger for those who hurt it, and a deep sadness for the state of humanity. This is a tough cry that should only be tackled on courageous days you can handle it, otherwise, to be avoided. 
4. Sappy feel-good movies such as Field of Dreams are perfect for feeling better about life in general and experiencing a really healthy cry. Best antidote after reading Facebook feed puppy stories. Look for movies that you know will end happy. We don’t want surprise twist endings here. AVOID movies like the current one in the theaters where everyone is dying. The Titantic is about a sinking ship. You know that one won’t fare well. Use your common sense here.
5. There are good spontaneous cries when someone gives you a hug when you need it, or says something so perfect that you feel seen and validated. These cries can’t be arranged, but fall under really good release cries. Increase these any time you can.

Well, there’s my recommendations. What’s yours? Or, are you the type of crier who needs no help?

Are you on PINTEREST? Come follow me HERE.

empaths

Today’s word is FUSSY. My clothes feel constricting, lights are too bright, and things can’t be fast enough today.

As empaths and sensitives, we know we are very affected by the energies surrounding us. We know when the air is too cold, or someone’s mood has just hit fiery before he realizes it, or when the overall mood theme for the day on Facebook is FRANTIC. Like little caterpillars we feel out the environment with our exposed feelers.

So if we have a full moon happening, and especially a lunar eclipse, do we feel the effects of that energy?

Years and years ago, there was a lunar eclipse followed by a solar eclipse, and my body went haywire. I was releasing a ton and have all kinds of weird symptoms, but was it the planetary action or what I was experiencing in my life at the time?

As women, our bodies are tuned into the moon through our cycles. And many who are not longer experiencing cycles still feel the effect of the moon. If the moon is more feminine then both male and female can relate when it is speaking, right?

I looked to the experts for my answers. The astrologers talk of this upcoming lunar eclipse and the many changes that will affect us.

Magical Recipes Online talks about the Druid Willow Moon.  That name in itself sounds so imaginative and magical!

My friend Julia talks about the astrological overall themes we are feeling right now during this moon phase.

Several metaphysical astrology sites talk of huge emotional impacts this lunar eclipse will have. Hmmmmmm.

• According to NBC news, full moons can give us restless sleep. Link is over here.
• And over at this Australian news site, full moons and eclipses can cause mood swings. Feel like howling at the moon?
• Wikipedia coins the phrase “lunar effect” and says there is even a “lunar lunacy.” Nice! Now we have an excuse to go a little crazy.

As sensitives and empaths, we can swing past the research and go right to how we feel in this moment. I know when there is a full moon I do have a hard time sleeping, partly because the moon is shining so brightly into my window, and being so sensitive, I can feel it. I like a dark room when I sleep.

Perhaps we are picking up all the beliefs about the moon, and that collective unconscious is affecting what we think, influencing our thoughts. Regardless, I am fussy. I am restless. And I have this overwhelming urge to dance under the moonlight, ditch these restrictive clothes, and howl. Please don’t tell my neighbors. Now I have an excuse for my craziness. I have Lunar Lunacy. ;)

Here at The Designing Fairy, I often receive questions concerning being intuitive that folks are scared or puzzled about. This is the beginning of a series where you can ask questions about your psychic abilities, and I will attempt to help and answer. I’ll be answering from my own experiences, and if I don’t have the information or answers, I’ll do a little research and find out.

The question

“Sarah” shares that she is beginning to pick up what feels like spirits in the room. She’s scared and confused and wants to know what is “wrong” with her.

The answer

Dear Sarah,

Sounds like you are an empath who has abilities in being aware of the energies around you. It’s like your “Spidey” sense. I liken psychic ability to playing the piano. Everyone can push a few random keys and make music. Not everyone becomes a concert pianist. Everyone has intuitive abilities. It’s to what degree and how much, and how turned on it is.

With feeling or noticing spirits, you have some mediumship abilities. You are just seeing what is there, but not noticeable to everyone. You can “tune in” to spirits by striking up some conversation or simply tune in and see what images or information receive. But always do so with boundaries. Just like you would be cautious letting anyone into your home, you would do the same with your personal, psychic space.

The more you talk to people who have similar abilities, and the more control you feel over them, the less fearful you will be.

Hope that helps!

Fairy blessings,

If you have a question, feel free to fill out my Contact Form. 

This is a crazy time for a sensitive person. The energy out there alone is a little on the wonky side. So, here’s a little tip from my eBook, Help for the Holidays if you are Sensitive. 

Need the ebook? Here’s a link.

December is a wrap-up time. It’s a time of looking at the year you’ve just gone through and sizing up and determining which way to go next. How do you do that with all the choices and opportunities? It can be overwhelming. As someone who is very empathic, I have a built-in radar system that I often curse at and ignore, which, I should be making friends with.

What’s this radar, you ask?

How I feel, especially in my body.

Now I can be slow in the intake, but the situation is improving. The time between getting upset/having an emotional or physical reaction and figuring out that I am upset has shortened. Gone is the time when I’d feel horrible for several days, even weeks, and not know why, because I am now finally noticing with the help of this tool which I will now share with you.

I was faced with a decision over the weekend when an opportunity presented itself. It sounded good and glossy and enticing, but the rest of the day THE MOOD hit. Now, sometimes THE MOOD is one of those empathic “picking up someone else’s shit and I’m carrying around not realizing it is not mine and yet I’m feeling it” kind of moods. I tuned in, and asked this time around, and got a NO from my body that this wasn’t the case.

I explored THE MOOD. I am not a big time fan of this time of year, so there was a little of that melancholy thrown in that I acknowledged. Having experienced many losses this year, I knew that grief was lingering around and was part of what I was feeling. A good cry was needed which I indulged in by watching a sappy movie, but THE MOOD persisted. What was going on?!

A big thank you to my good friends who helped me realize that I was considering go down the wrong way by possibly accepting the opportunity I was presented with. My body was letting me know that opportunity was not aligned with me! It was the wrong fit. Yes, logical mind had a ton of reasons why this choice was a good one. I’d get out of my comfort zone, tackle doing things I wasn’t good at but could be good at. I’d meet new people, and the choice would eventually lead to the direction I wanted to go, maybe. Logical mind is very good at molding me and squooshing me into boxes. But I am a soul that likes to break out of boxes. Body, on the other hand, has a direct line to my inner, empathic radar. It just reacts and lets me know: “Ronni, what the f(*%K are you doing, Girl?” Unlike logical mind, the body knows the simple answers to these questions: will this choice really make me happy? Is this a JOYFUL choice for me? Is it right for me?

We have all had experiences in our lives where we made a choice from logical mind because it looked really good on paper. How did those work out for you? Looking back, I haven’t had one that did.

Thank God and my body for THE MOOD that day. It quickly went away when I acknowledged I was compromising and heading in the wrong direction. (Another good clue). Further insight, and I realized that choice actually would have had me going backwards, not forward. (And that was a really good insight).

So look at your ‘symptoms’ differently today. That stomach ache you keep getting around a certain relative? Don’t curse it, understand what it’s saying. That persistant cold you have every Monday morning you have to go to work? Listen. When THE MOOD hits, don’t berate yourself for being too emotional. And when we bitch and complain we have no guidance and are abandoned, look again in your own backyard! Literally, your own backyard. Your body as your backyard? Get it? Oh, never mind. Just pay attention.

Oh, and incidentally, sometimes the body is saying YES to something that seems totally crazy and illogical, but is a fabulous great decision or the right road to pursue. I felt that way adopting my newest dog family member and going back to school. I’m so glad I listened.

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Be sure to check out my book Help! I’m Sensitive and new book on animal communication, Speak Woof and Meow. And for further tips and tools for being sensitive, sign up for the January session of the EMPATH SKILLS ONLINE CLASS. And one more, keep your eyes on the lookout for my new book, YOUR TURTLE SHELL.

a heads-up: my most popular classes start November 22nd, Friday, in Fairy Online School

• (ASC300) Empath Skills class

Empathic? Sensitive? You know that you pick up feelings and information and have this ability, but don’t know how to control it for good? This class will help you learn how to focus on reading energy, be aware of psychic boundaries, keep out what you don’t want, and  become aware of this amazing gift you have instead of seeing it as out of control sensitivity! CLICK HERE FOR MORE.

For the Nature Lovers and More:

• (FB101) Fairy Healing Fairy Beginner Secrets class

In this wonderful class, you will learn the Ten FAIRY SECRETS as given to me by the Nature Spirits: Fun, short lessons, easy to digest information with creative pictures to inspire you and a fun homework. Be introduced to this fun, joyful fairy energy and have simple, non-toxic nature tools to grab for to help heal yourself and your animals. CLICK HERE FOR MORE.

• (AM101) Animal Mediumship

Losing an animal companion can be the hardest thing to experience. I know! In this online class, I share ways to know and connect to the spirit of your animal that you have lost, that I have learned as an animal communicator, to continue that connection.  CLICK HERE FOR MORE.

• (TAD101) Talking To Angels, Guides and Dead People

Picking up on spirits nearby? Want a better connection to your helpers and Guides in the spiritual realm to feel more guided and supported? Is your empathic skill being able to connect to spirit but you need some help controlling it? Fun, information-loaded and visually pleasing online class. click here for more info

I’ve been trying to learn this one video editing program. Trying, may not be the correct word. It’s been a little like writer’s block where you take out the pencil and pen, the paper, organize your work space, but no words are flowing. I’ve set up my work space, have the video class all ready to go on the screen, but all of a sudden there seems to all these distractions! There’s friends to chat with on Facebook, which I love to do anyway. The girls are getting a little nutsy in the front yard so I need to supervise. There’s that pie in the frig that has been calling me for three days. And gosh, would you look at that, I still haven’t learned one lesson on that video. What is wrong with me?

It’s called Shiny Object Syndrome. There’s no pill or support group but it’s so common among creative and sensitive people. We like colors, and shiny things, and less tangible things like new knowledge and insights. Throw in the empathic thing and we are drawn into others’ stories feeling their sadness, their pain, their losses.

Empathic folks take in a great deal of information at once. We don’t just see the chair over there. We see the peeling paint, the yellow peeking through the wood, and we notice the seat cushion could use some sewing. Every now and then I often wish I could be shallow and only see that surface!

I wondered the other day if maybe I have Adult ADD and not Shiny Object Syndrome. And in a flurry of worry, I did some research to rule it out.

So I took the quiz I found over at Psych Central. Okay, that test isn’t so helpful. I know I’m hyperactive sometimes, but I think that’s inherited energy from my grandmother, and part of my nervous nature. And I can definitely concentrate and stick to a project once I do start. I also have my deeply lazy moments, although my head rarely shuts off. I read the 15 Signs You May Have Adult ADHD, and it’s not fitting me. Elaine Aron’s brilliant self test fits me to a T. I already know I can be a sensation-seeking sensitive, as she calls it. So, I conclude after all this research, it is a big part of my sensitivity.

How do you cure the Shiny Object Syndrome then? I would think you don’t! Why would you want to? I am finding that there is a gift there. Without it, I’d be a dull workaholic. I wouldn’t take breaks or have a full life with friends, and beauty, giant puppy playing, and rose smelling. Perhaps, then, Shiny Object Syndrome shows up just when we need it for that balance. Because maybe I just needed a little break before I dive into my video learning.

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For more tips, check out my book HELP! I’M SENSITIVE, online classes EMPATHIC SKILLS & CARE OF THE SENSITIVE. I am busy at work on the sequel book, YOUR TURTLE SHELL.

September Offerings Start September 20th :

For the Sensitive and the Empath:

• (ASC300) Empath Skills class
• (CS101) Care of the Sensitive (ongoing) SALE PACKAGE
• (EH136) Better Boundaries for the Sensitive

For the Nature/Fairy Lover:

• (FB101) FAIRY HEALING FAIRY BEGINNER CLASS
• (FHF200) FAIRY HEALING THE FEMININE CLASS
• (FEC200) FLOWER ESSENCES
• Fairies 101 (ongoing)

For developing your intuition:

• (IM150) INTUITIVE MAP CLASS (NEW!)
• (FD1) CLAIRVOYANCE class

Classes include personal or group Schoology course page, once a week instructor check-in, fun links and add-ons, cool illustrated lessons and fun homework! Go sign up for the September Fall Session!

I love stories. I especially like how stories can help other people heal, learn and grow, or to be uplifted. We need our stories. That was a big reason why I went back to Graduate School, to learn how to technically create visual stories that teach in all the ways you can reach people.  

I am often pulled into other people’s stories, being so sensitive. I have a tough problem with the Facebook Feed often. I get pulled into stories of death, illness, misfortune and pain, and my heart opens so much I can feel it like it is my own, which I know, most of you can relate to. I can’t look at a photo of a dog being mistreated even if it’s to promote a good cause. Those animal communication skills just plug right in and it’s painful. I want to run right into that photo and save the dog, or the pig, or the cow!!! I hear about grief or loss, and I feel and understand their pain. And yes, I create strong boundaries as an Empath to protect me. But I am learning, a really big lesson, that this is about Responsibility.

I’m over-responsible, most sensitive folks are. But just because I can feel your pain and your hurt spots, doesn’t mean I’m the one to fix it. I really want to, but I can’t. I use to carry everyone’s pain and my old role long ago was to be the one willingly to be the “dumpee.” I will hold your pain. Being so strong, I knew I could do it.  As I’ve been in this new role for a long time of not being the one that carries and the “dumpee,” I can clearly look at why I was willing to be in this role.

I’m thinking as a sensitive, little young empath I felt the pain of those I loved the most around me and I sure didn’t want them to feel that. I wanted to make it better. As a child, I probably theorized that since the world revolved around me, which we learn that children at that age think, it was my problem or issue to do something about it. As an adult, I’ve learned it’s not compassionate for me to do this. Not only do I take away other people’s lessons to learn, but their healing to come out from it. And they aren’t getting a chance to be accountable to their own responsibilities either. As healers or teachers we can’t do the healing. I’ve also managed to allow abuse to come at me and be treated horribly, which would definitely come under self-abuse. Ironically, why was I not okay with seeing others suffer, but it was just fine for me to suffer and carry all that pain?

I did a web search today on my first book as I worked on my marketing, as I prepare to share my second book. And I had a wonderful, deep cry. The good kind. I read about a beautiful soul’s sharing how my book helped her and her story to feel not alone in her journey. Finding this, was what it is all about.  And reading her story and her reflecting back to me my words that I needed to hear today, the gift came back to me full circle. Thank you!

Now, looking back, I see that I really have transformed my role. I don’t have to be the “dumpee,” or hold other people’s pain for them, and I definitely don’t have to make it better, even though it still really hurts to see anyone suffer or be in pain. It’s not my job to fix it or for it to be okay for someone to be abusive towards me for any reason. And I am not responsible for things I didn’t do–that’s not my story.

A couple of weeks back, I was really angry at being dumped at unfairly and at the injustices in the world, and I went into a dark, angry place. I wanted to be heard which is good, but that anger only polluted inside me and made me something I’m not, nor want to be.  It didn’t affect the world around me I was angry at, and I didn’t want to become abusive either. I always want to achieve to understand.

But now I can share what I have learned and healed in my story, always with the intent to be kind and to help, so another can heal too, and that’s a much better, happier/healthier role for me to be in.

(Ah, now to to teach this to my very empathic dog )

I am learning…

Happy to report that since I expressed my upset on Social Media with how I had been treated with Customer Service at Verizon, I received a phonecall from Verizon trying to remedy the problem! Ed, my new customer service rep, was in contrast, very kind and helpful. He explained to me that he tries to put himself in the customer’s shoes and how he/she would see things. I attracted another empath! Unlike the first rep who was very shaming and assumed I did something “wrong,” he was very understanding. He corrected the problem.

This whole experience has shown me how far I’ve come in how I want to be treated in the world. A part of me would get lost in that shame space even if I had done nothing wrong, so I probably accepted that behavior in the past. (Perhaps because as a sensitive, I am very over-responsible.)

The Bad Little Girl Syndrome

I remember a year ago or so taking Emma to the old veterinarian who was excellent in knowledge but known for her cold approach. She shamed me for going to another veterinarian and even the holistic vet prior to her. She frowned at me and said kangaroo dog food would be the only food option we had and if I didn’t take her suggestion I was “wrong.” And then I was shamed at the reception counter when I complained of the extra charges that were added that I was unaware of.

I went home that day feeling like the little girl who forgot to do her chores and was punished. I had one hell of a migraine that night.

My entire adoptive parenting experience was about dealing with folks who didn’t hear me and shamed me for what they felt I “should have” done. I was treated horribly by the child, and most everyone involved, and that’s an understatement.

But obviously something huge had shifted this time around.

I found the new veterinarian and when Sarah was gravely ill, I had TWO wonderful veterinarians (including her holistic vet) aiding her in her care and HEARING me. I was told “you are doing a great job.” I had all the support on all levels I needed to take care of her in the end.

Big chunks of my life broke away where I wasn’t getting my needs met or heard. I broke away from organizations that didn’t hear me at all.  This time around when I ask for help or assistance, it’s there and it’s excellent support.

I attracted a part time job I love to do that feeds me in every way and I’m told “Just keep doing what you are doing. We love it.” What a change!

You won’t go backwards

And then there was Ed to show me this. Some folks say that the Universe gives you tests. In this case, I got a little taste of what I used to experience. I needed to stand my ground and ask for the new energy where I am now comfortable living at, and by doing so, it gave me confidence I won’t have to have those negative experiences anymore now that I had the new game plan or map for how I want my life to be like.

Whether you read my book…

Or read the blog on this website, I am happy to present some more resources for you.

The Care of the Sensitive Class is all about having tools in Nature you can reach for to support your sensitive self. Everything is gentle and simple including good advice on things like sensitive tummies. It’s offered in April and the link is here.

The new class, Develop Your Empath Skills, has an April session that starts Friday. This is a great class for working on Boundaries and determining what is yours and what is others’. We also cover Reading Energy and Clearing Out. Get your seat here.

And the new class, MT200, is all about intuitive problems and issues you might have as a sensitive and conquering those. That class starts April 26th. Join us here.

Lots of support and lots of answers!

Loyal to others vs. Loyal to self

One of the toughest things about being an empath is you go out of your way to not hurt anyone else’s feelings. Maybe it’s a selfish thing; if that person hurts, you feel it. But it’s also from a place of compassion. You understand pain. You would never purposely inflict it. I recently was in an argument. It might very well have been my fault and I over-reacted. I had taken an email forward personally that lamented about the dangers of technology because I am going to school specifically for technology. It was one of those ill-timed emails that just happens. But like most incidents in life, the argument illuminated a bigger issue I needed to look at. During the argument, I was quick to create harmony, please, discount what I was feeling, and apologize first. I often took this role/stance as a sensitive child. Several days later after the argument, I still had a lingering unease I’m dealing with. I created peace but I stifled my voice rather than be abandoned. I didn’t want to be the bad guy or the outcast among the crowd.

This is a big shift I am making here, seeing this. Little kids please themselves so easily. But I think little empaths never had that luxury. We’d always be tuned into what others needed and were feeling. We wanted that harmony around us.

I have a problem with a certain kind of authority. I’ll give in just to please, rather than be “naughty.” I’ve decided to treat my one dog’s chronic problem holistically which has proven the more successful route. We are seeing a holistic veterinarian who hears and respects my intuition. Wow, an amazing concept! Because I haven’t returned to my conventional vet, I feel like that little shamed kid who didn’t do her homework. This pattern has become so ingrained in my emotional landscape.

Throughout my life, other people have had no problem putting themselves first. When my husband didn’t want to go to a party or an event, he’d just say no, dig his heels in and that was it. I admired his resolve that I didn’t have. I had too many “what ifs” in my head of who would be disappointed with me.

And there’s the issue. Growing up, we were never yelled at. We were disciplined with the threat of disappointment, which later felt like rejection. I can still feel that sting whenever I displease authority.

It’s time to rewire my thinking. Does any action I do please and serve me? And that’s the best and highest me. That little girl inside is terrified of being left alone. She’s the one that is scared to have a disagreeing voice. I have this vision of me being left alone in a cave to fend for myself. But in my desire to please everyone else, I’ve managed to abandon me. I’m the one who put me in that cave.

I’m the one  who put me in that cave. 

And that little girl’s perspective that if someone is angry with me they will abandon me? Some will, then that’s not really a relationship of substance or depth, if you aren’t able to communicate feelings with each other. And aren’t those relationships reflecting back the miscommunication I am having with myself?

Hey self! What serves you? What pleases you? What do you need right now? 

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from YOUR TURTLE SHELL (Coming early 2013)

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Check out the How to Survive the Holidays eBook under the BOOKS and WHAT’S NEW section

How super neat cool! I’m offering new Care of the Sensitive bundle packages. Choose from the Simple package, just the class, to a FAB-U-LOUS package of an empath lesson teleclass and a private lesson or a custom flower essence! Oooooooh! Check them out and sign up anytime throughout July and August HERE.

For the last year or so, I’ve taught at Animal Spirit Network. The people over there are wonderful and I just love Carol. Well, she is downsizing the site to only focus on the Animal Communication core program, so I am free to offer my teleclasses over here at Ronni’s Psychic Room. I have a few pre-recorded very fun teleclasses to listen and learn from that will entertain and enlighten you, but most importantly, provide tools you need to be more in touch with your fairy and sensitive self.

3 courses are being offered June and July. Teleclasses are minimal commitment (no homework!). I now also offer Care of the Sensitive Pet as a combined written AND teleclass. How cool is that?

So, for Summer, head on over to the Teleclass page and sign up. Sit on the beach, plug in your headphones and learn while you tan. How cool is that? You will love the Better Boundaries for Sensitive teleclass. So, head on over here to sign up.