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There Was an Old Lady Who Gobbled a Skink
by Tamera Will Wissinger
illustrated by Ana Bermejo
Sky Pony Press, 2016
review copy provided by the author

I absolutely loved Tamera Will Wissinger's verse novel, Gone Fishing (my review here), so I was looking forward to what she would do with the traditional cumulative tale of the old woman who swallowed. I have a collection of these books, and I'm always on the lookout for a new version to add to my collection. (Lookie there -- we even have a blog label for "old lady who swallowed" books!)

Wissinger's newest is another fishing-themed book, with the old lady swallowing items in reverse order -- a worm to catch the skink, a bobber to catch the worm, fishing line to catch the bobber. What a fun twist!

But the very best part is the punchline at the end. I'll give you a hint. Just before the last item she swallows, she swallows her boat. Can you think of what she would swallow, following the reverse order pattern, to catch a boat? It's what sank her!! (Is that the most perfect rhyme ever [assuming you know what the item was]?!?!)

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Have you been following the United States presidential race? The team at CollegeHumor drew inspiration from the political race and a Dr. Seuss picture book for a parody called “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Trump.”

The video embedded above features Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump in the role of The Grinch. Follow this link to listen to watch the antics of the original Grinch.

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Susanna Leonard Hill is hosting her 5th Annual Halloweensie Contest on her bog: write a 100-word Halloween story appropriate for children using the words costume, dark and haunt. All the other amazing entries can be found here. My poem is for … Continue reading →

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Ain't art grand?

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Andrew Shaffer (pseudonym Fanny Merkin) has written a sequel for his Fifty Shades of Grey parody novel.

Gone Grey, the follow-up for Fifty Shames of Earl Grey, was influenced by Gillian Flynn’s hit thriller, Gone Girl. The story follows the protagonist, Earl Grey, as he deals with the disappearance of his wife.

Follow this link to download the free eBook. For more Fifty Shades laughs, check out this trailer of the film adaptation re-made with legos.

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In the mess we call home, there was an iphone and a starbucks cup and a beanbag with a tired bloodhound pup and there was one teen girl, with wavy curls and two preteens making scenes and a daddy on the computer, a champion “tooter’ and a fight with food – what manners.. how rude! […]

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TweetYou Can Never Be Me by Patrick Kyle There’s a meme (as I believe they’re called) that I see cropping up fairly regularly in my forays of Internet yonder. Here, allow me to show you: Batman is a seductive fellow, isn’t he? Fetishes aside, one of the main appeals of the character is that, theoretically, anybody [...]

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They look like classic children’s book covers ... but at second glance... Sick and very funny.

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Best parody ever.

Except maybe for this one....

So, read.  No maybes!

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Best Summer Book - Sunstruck by Mayra Calvani

A fun, quirky, beach summer read ~ Twilight Times Books

Just in time for your summer reading, Sunstruck hits the beaches. And, I have the pleasure of featuring it! 

Let's look at the Synopsis…

Daniella is an architecture student living with her narcissistic artist boyfriend in San Juan. Abandoned by her father at an early age, Daniella always falls for the ‘wrong’ type of man. Her most enduring male relationship so far has been with her cat.
   
Several strange mysteries are threaded through Daniella’s everyday life: her ex-husband, Ismael, has just opened an outlandish hotel for animal lovers that has her distraught; Ismael’s wife, a rich woman Daniella fondly refers to as ‘Lady Dracula’, has some gruesome ways to keep her skin looking young; Daniella’s mother is founding a revolutionary, feminist society called The Praying Mantises; the island’s national forest is being depleted of hallucinogenic mushrooms; meanwhile, young girls are disappearing and there’s a nut loose dressed as Zorro slashing the rear ends of women who wear miniskirts.  

Oppressed by all these eccentric characters, Daniella feels herself falling into an abyss. Then something terrible happens, making Daniella wake from her stupor and take charge of her life.

Gift with purchase offer…

Purchase Sunstruck http://www.amazon.com/dp/B008LYYOWM and receive FREE download e-Book of Dark Lullaby. Email her publicist, Donna McDine [email protected] with your receipt of Sunstruck purchase and receive link to FREE Dark Lullaby e-Book through July 22, 2012. Of course, if you purchase Sunstruck elsewhere please email receipt to Ms. McDine.

What reviewers are saying…

“Dark and quirky humor coupled with quixotic characters adds to the surprising mix found in Sunstruck… I've never read a book remotely like it. Everything from the humorously weird to the acutely macabre can be found between these covers, and then some.” –Laurel Johnson, Midwest Book Review

"Sunstruck is like a nutty Whodunit with a little twist. Who really is in the Zorro costume? With all the crazy characters I caught myself pointing fingers again and again. A great read that will make you forget where you are, while you giggle yourself to complete oblivion from all the silliness." –Autumn Blues Reviews

About the author…

Award-winning author Mayra Calvani has penned over ten books for children and adults in genres ranging from picture books to satire to paranormal fantasy novels. She’s had over 300 articles, short stories, interviews and reviews published in magazines such as The Writer, Writer’s Journal and Bloomsbury Review, among others. She has lived in America, Asia, the Middle East, and now lives in Brussels, Belgium.

Purchase info…

Title: Sunstruck
Author: Mayra Calvani
Author web site: http://www.mayracalvani.com/
Publisher: Twilight Times Books
url: http://twilighttimesbooks.com/
ISBN: 978-1-60619-024-2
Genre: Par

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You gotta be careful in here, kid. You may be wearin’ your stripes, but you ain’t earned your stripes. Go it alone and you’ll make mistakes. You’ll hitch yourself to the wrong post, get saddled up and sold to the highest bidder. Stick by me and you might stand half a chance, but you’re gonna hafta listen.

…

What’s that?

…

Oh, that’d be on Tuesdays. Not a bad spread. Pickles. Onions. Standard. You’ll learn the menu. More important is this here yard. How you carry yourself. Who you trust. Take that fella at the bench press for example, the one with the dark beard and forearms thick as your chest. Name’s Bluto. Doin’ a dime for kidnappin’ a woman. That’s right, a sailor man’s wife. Threw her over his shoulder and took her down to the docks. Oh, he’ll rough you up right, but keep a can of spinach in your hip pocket and he’ll think twice. I don’t understand the science, but that there is the formula. Spinach.

…

Agreed, kid. Coupla sizzlin’ patties will beat a can o’ the green any yesterday or tomorrow, but that’s not what we’re talkin’. We’re talkin’ today and today is about the disco and the disco is about stayin’ alive. Have a look here. Skinny character sporting the lime suit? Question mark on his chest? That don’t mean he’s the information booth. No sir. Say a word to that crafty SOB and he’ll come at you like the Sphinx, all riddles ‘n giggles. Next thing you know you’ll be chummin’ around with a psycho circus clown and runnin’ from some pointy-eared, gravelly voiced vigilante. No. Thank. You. Best to steer clear of that riddler entirely.

…

Beats me! I wouldn’t know if his riddles are about ground beef or ground cinnamon for that matter, because I don’t talk to the man! Aren’t you listenin’? Better be. Your eyes ain’t gonna tell you what my twenty-seven years behind this barbed wire knows to be true. Another example. You probably look over at that strung-out orange beaky guy and think, “well that’s just some ol’ cuckoo junkie.” You’d be right about that. But that ol’ cuckoo junkie goes by the name of Sonny, and Sonny knows where to score the sweet stuff, if you catch my meaning. Sonny is just cuckoo for it, smuggles it past the guards in cereal boxes. You want a taste, that’s your bird.

…

I guess he could get you some, but why not wait till Tuesday? Like I said, they fire up that flame-broiler on Tuesdays. Sonny’s got no time to bother with no fast-food. Wisen up, boy, or you’ll end up runnin’ with them Hanna Barberas and let me tell you, that gang’s no Laff-a-Lympics. Sure, some of them hustlas may talk a soft game, soundin’ like Casey Casem or Paul Lynde, but they will be quick to shank a new fish if they even suspect you’re conspirin’ with the ascotted and far-sighted and snack-gobblin’ brand o’ meddlin’ teenagers. Dig? Of course you don’t. I’m not spellin’ it out in ketchup. These are the type of gangstas that dress as ghosts and swamp thangs and go hauntin’ just so they can shut down orphanages! That enough to scare you? Oh and don’t get me started on the Orphans! That’s another gang. A more Dickensian band of bandits you have not seen. If it ain’t your porridge they’re after, it’s your inheritance. You work the chimney sweep detail and you’ll be pits-deep in those mangy lads, singing show-tunes while they pick your pocket. You’re better off

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This adaptation of the classic "Wheels on the bus" song will leave kids giggling and and singing.  Somehow the passengers and drivers on this particular bus have been replaced and overrun with animals, and the pattern of the song allows for each animal's sound to be enthusiastically repeated.  Roughly penciled and cut-paper illustrations by G. Brian Karas complete the picture of a bus-ride gone awry.

Try also:
Moo moo brown cow, have you any milk? by Phillis Gershator
Who took the cookies from the cookie jar? by Bonnie Lass and Philemon Sturges
We're going on a bear hunt by Michael Rosen and Helen Oxenbury
Chicka Chicka Boom Boom by Bill Martin Jr.
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed by Eileen Christelow

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I alway enjoy looking at favorite artist's work process. It's been a while since I posted one. Since I'm in the middle of experimenting with my Photoshop skills, I thought this would be a good time to do so again.
Below is a recent sketch of mine, that I'm currently in the middle of coloring...

I've long admired picture book illustrators whose style has a soft almost painterly look. Being primarily a vector artist, which I also love, I haven't really developed that soft look that I really admire. This is the year that I decided to really develop that look more. I doubt that I'll switch over to that look permanently, especially since it will take a while for me to develop it to the point that I'm happy with it.

Here's step two... I'm not even sure if I'm staying with these colors. I'm just trying to fill in blocks of color and try to see what I like and what I don't. Two big key changes to the way I'm working with this are, 1) use textures when I paint, and 2) painting on a "multiply" layer. The concepts aren't new to me, I've just never used them before. I like the effect and technique, I just don't know if I'm happy with the result yet.

You know what just occured to me ? This is supposed to be a polar bear.. white dummy... arghh..

My next post will sure the next, maybe next few, evolutions of this pc.

Thanks.. as always, thoughts and comments are appreciated.

Marty

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From: Darius Pogue
To: ”Office List”
Sent: Monday, December 12, 2011 8:39 AM
Subject: Who here at the Yorktown Pennysaver is up for a little Gwar?

Hey gang,

Sigh in relief. This isn’t another email about security software updates. Trust your humble one-man IT department when I assure you that the Yorktown Pennysaver is now a veritable Fortress of Solitude, and that this email blast is of a decidedly more personal nature. It’s sure to be the talk of the office until the steam whistle blows.

“Out with it!” you say? Fair enough. Guess who’s going to see Gwar this Saturday at Hogan’s Hideaway? That’s right. The very same fella who tells you, “don’t panic!” when you’ve got a kernel panic, who converts your JPEGs to PDFs and is a BMF besides. Me! And I’ve got an extra ticket.

So who wants in?

Now I realize some of you will probably have questions before committing. It’s natural. Seeing Gwar ain’t exactly like popping by the Cineplex for some Pixar. It’s an event, one that will quite possibly define your life. So I’ll try to walk any Gwar-dolescents (as I like to call the newbies) through the basics.

First question is obvious: What time? Well, doors are at 8 PM, but you should probably stop by my place around 11 AM so we can prep.

I can hear our favorite Mary Kay spokesperson/administrative assistant Deidre right now. “Prep? Like makeup and stuff?” Little different than that, D. But it’s all par for the Gwar course. We’ll be pouring latex molds for our festering neck boils. Doing a little mace polishing. The requisite codpiece fitting.

I know. I know. The boys in sales love a good codpiece joke, but I assure you, the codpieces are an absolute necessity. You gotta be prepared should you find yourself on the business end of a flail some goblined-up tweaker is swinging willy-nilly. Learned that the hard way during the Scumdogs of the Universe Tour.

Haley, I know you’re hip to all the new bands (I’m gonna get that Atari Fire album you keep raving about), but do you have “Scumdogs of the Universe” on vinyl? I’m betting you don’t. Let me tell you, “Sexecutioner” sounds so much warmer, and with all the lovely crackles and pops laying some ambiance down on “Slaughterama,” you can practically feel the Nazi decapitation.

But as great as those songs sound from the turntable, they sound infinitely better live, when your ears are soaked with blood. Judging from Mike’s fainting spell at last year’s blood drive, I’m guessing I lost him right there. But hold on, Mike. Weren’t you the one who told me The Blue Man Group was “the best show in Vegas?” Didn’t you forward that Gallagher video around? Gwar’s a lot like Gallagher, but instead of washing watermelon juice out of your hair the next morning, it’ll be blood…possibly pus.

Notice I said possibly pus. I stress the possibly. Gwar makes no guarantees in the pus department. They are very clear about this. My apologies if the inclusion of pus, or lack there-of, is a deal-breaker for some. Not much I can do about that.

Now I don’t doubt that Carmen, the consummate copy

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As fangirls prepare to dress up in their Katniss Everdeen costumes for Halloween, a Hunger Games spoof will be published on November 15th.  The video embedded above features the book trailer for The Hunger But Mainly Death Games–what do you think?

Curious readers can access the first chapter on Scribd. Here’s more about the book: “[This is] the only book brave enough to suggest that The Hunger Games was way more about death than food. Or at least this is what Bratniss Everclean discovers, when she shortsightedly volunteers for a teenage death tournament. But she soon realizes there are fates worse than death…like having to kiss her fellow competitor and lifelong stalker, Pita Malarkey.”

On Amazon, “Bratniss Everclean” is listed as the author, but the cover image lists Aaron Geary and John Bailey Owen as the authors.  According to Amazon, Harvard Lampoon will publish another spoof  in 2012, The Hunger Pains.

continued…

New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.

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Houghton Mifflin Trade and Reference Division  Distinguished book publishing since 1832

Lyga, Barry. 2011. Mangaman. Illustrated by Colleen Doran. Boston: Houghton Mifflin.
(Advance Reader Copy)

I'll be the first to admit that I'm not a manga reader, but when I saw the premise of this young adult comic book, I dove right in!

Barry Lyga's concept is genius and Colleen Doran pulls it off perfectly!  Mangaman is not a manga book.  It's a traditional comic book into which Ryoko, a character from the manga world, lands when he accidentally falls through "the Rip," a portal between the manga world and the "real" world of Western-style comic books.

The only character drawn in typical 2-dimensional manga style, Ryoko's is painfully aware of his manga trappings - effeminate appearance, visual thoughts that float above his head (particularly embarrassing in high school),

OH. EM. GEE!
Do you see that?
It's a head!
in the air!

"speed lines" that appear whenever he moves quickly, painfully poking nearby classmates (and later requiring "sweeping up" by the custodial staff), a habit of walking in the wrong direction,

I did it again, didn't I?
Left to Right.
Why can't I remember that?

and, especially telling, eyes that turn into hearts whenever Marissa Montaigne appears.

You could call this a parody of manga, but it's much more than that. If you're even remotely acquainted with manga comics, Mangaman is hysterical.  For the non-manga reader, this may be just what you need to finally "get it!"

(Right to Left, Why can't I remember that?)
Recommended for mature readers.



If you're having trouble accessing the video, you can see it at mangamanlives.com or Barry Lyga's website.

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What a freekin' week!! I was actually starting to feel good for once, so I stopped by Starbucks one morning to get myself a Frappachin-O-Positive (my fav -- way better than the Moch-A-Negative). I didn't have time to drink it before school, so I had to smuggle it into class, and the first second my teacher turned her back to write on the board, I downed it.  HUGE FREEKIN' MISTAKE! First I

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I was at a total loss of what to sketch for the latest blog post, so I just figured I'd sketch the first thing that came to mind. Looking for some good tunes to inspire my creativity, I decided to listen to a radio show that I really love but don't listen to as often as I'd like, Miami Steve's Underground Garage. If you ever need a good musical education and want to be turned on to some classic garage rock and even check out some great indie bands, this is the show to listen to, (non endorsed plug) http://undergroundgarage.com/splash.htm Anyway.. it didn't take long for inspiration to kick my brain in gear... just do a toon of the man himself.... long time Springsteen partner and sidekick, the very underrated but much appreciated Miami Steve Van Zandt. If you love Bruce's music, do yourself a favor, listen to the show, and try and dig up some of Miami Steve's solo stuff... good good stuff... Cheers..

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The Heming Way: How to Unleash the Booze-Inhaling, Animal-Slaughtering, War-Glorifying, Hairy-Chested, Retro-Sexual Legend Within… Just Like Papa! by Marty Beckerman

Review by Chris Singer

About the author:

Marty Beckerman, America’s Luscious Beacon of Truth, has written for Esquire (where he served as an editor), Playboy, Salon, Discover, Gawker, Huffington Post, the Daily Beast, and every other worthwhile publication of our time. He has been quoted by the New York Times, the Washington Post, the Atlantic, Fox, ABC News and MSNBC, all of which mistook him for a serious pundit.

Aside from The Heming Way, Beckerman’s literary masterpieces include Generation S.L.U.T. (MTV Books / Simon & Schuster) and Dumbocracy: Adventures with the Loony Left, the Rabid Right, and Other American Idiots (The Disinformation Company).

You can follow him on Facebook and Twitter. And you can find shirtless pictures of him at www.martybeckerman.com.

About the book:

Fifty years have passed since the death of Ernest Hemingway, history’s ultimate man, and young males today—obsessed with Facebook, Twitter, and Nintendo—know nothing about his legendary brand of rugged, alcoholic masculinity. They cannot skin a fish, dominate a battlefield, or transform majestic creatures of the Southern Hemisphere into piano keyboards. With chapters such as “For Whom the Beer Flows,” “Death in the Afternoon… Lunch is Served,” and “The Old Man and the See You in Hell,” Marty Beckerman demonstrates how modern eunuchs—brainwashed by PETA and Alcoholics Anonymous—can learn from Papa’s unparalleled example: drunken, unshaven, meat-devouring, wife-divorcing, and gloriously self-destructive. The Heming Way is a difficult path, and not for the weak, but truth is manlier than fiction.

My take on the book:

Many of you may not realize this, but I happen to have a bachelor’s degree in Literature (from SUNY Purchase). This alone tells you a couple of things about me. One, I had a penchant for making really bad decisions as a young adult when it came to choosing a career. Second, the fathers of girls I dated around that time weren’t exactly keen on me dating their daughter. Finally, I got to read lots and lots of books in school. Many of which were written by Ernest Hemingway.

I always enjoyed reading Hemingway, and was happy to receive an e-mail from Marty Beckerman asking me to read this parody. I’ve been eager to check it out on my Nook, and finally got the chance this week to read it.

I wasn’t disappointed at all. I laughed out loud throughout much of my reading and was spouting out passages to my wife almost the entire time. Mind you, she didn’t find it quite as entertaining as me. Here’s a few samples of passages I shared with her:

* The Heming Way: Hunting — “As a toddler you cried whe

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Dude: Fun with Dude and Betty
by Lisa Pliscou
illustrated by Tom Dunne
Harper, 2011
review copy purchased because it looked too hysterical to pass up (I was not disappointed)

Yesterday's book was a hard book; today's book is just plain fun. I took it to All Write and it made its way down the row in the PAC before Jeff Anderson's opening keynote, becoming many readers' #bookaday.

This book is a parody of Dick and Jane (or David and Anne for you Catholics).

Dude's friend is Betty, and his dog is Bud. "Bud is a most excellent dog." Dude, Betty and Bud play Frisbee on the beach, then Dude goes surfing while Betty soaks up rays on the beach.


Dude gets biffed by a super gnarly wave, and he's done surfing for the day. The trio goes to the taco stand for a "bodacious burrito." Back at home, Dude and Betty listen to Dude's new Surf Punks CD. "Betty boogies. Dude plays air guitar." Dude's Father and Mother have the nerve to question him about cleaning his room and doing his homework, so he bails on that gnarly scene and heads back to the beach.

The book includes an extensive glossary.

I can't wait to hear my landlocked midwestern 4th graders perform this book!!

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©Johnny Ryan

I play a weekly game of spoons with Don DeLillo, Marilynne Robinson and the guy who wrote volumes 3, 4 and 9 of Truly Tasteless Jokes (he’s told us his name a million times, but we still just call him Skippy, an homage of sorts to the gangly neighbor on Family Ties). They’re fierce contests, these games of spoons, draped in cigar smoke and filthy language. A grand time is almost always had.

And almost always, talk turns to wordsmanship and literature or, as Skippy likes to say, the biz. A few years back, I made the bold statement that “any old schmuck can publish a novel for young people” and Marilynne, half in the bag from peppermint schnapps, called me on my bluff. “Well then friggin’ do it you namby-pamby pissant,” she slurred.

Well, I did her one better. I published two. DWEEB, a madcap little adventure of escape and camaraderie among the weak and wedgied, came out in 2009 and appeals to what’s known as the “middle-grade” set. The Only Ones, a dark but funny apocalyptic fable, comes out in a couple months and speaks to a slightly older crowd, the young “adults,” if you’re willing to call them that. Marilynne has conceded that I more than met the challenge, but I see no reason to boast. Because what I did was the easiest thing in the world. You can do it too, if you remember the following things:

1. Kids are stupid. Plain and simple. Look at all the paste eaters in the world. Majority are kids. Nose pickers? 60% are below the age of 16. Ask a third grader his thoughts on Baudelaire and I guarantee the response will be some non sequitur along the lines of “I can make poo poo in the potty.” Teens are even worse. Let’s run through some notable examples. Bobby Fischer? His use of the Poisoned Pawn Variation was overrated at best. King Tut? That joke of a pharaoh died of a broken leg. Joan of Arc? French. Exceedingly French. I could go on, but why bother. Just invite the cast of Degrassi over someday for some edamame and count how many of those googly-eyed Canucks eat the pods.

2. Stupid is as stupid reads. Since these numbskulls like garbage, give them garbage. Name your main character Star. Or Astralique. Or Luminicitus. Something stellar and nonsensical. Start the book with a line like, “Third period Math suckz!” because z’s are perfectly acceptable s’s for this “smartphone generation” and just about everything “suckz!” Speaking of which, pepper the manuscript with plenty of sex, preferably between a southern debutante and some sort of centuries-old man-beast. Thanks to MTV, teenage pregnancy is totally rock-and-roll. These days, every girl aspires to be either Bristol Palin or one of those ancient Greeks gals that Zeus knocked up with a demigod.

3. Make sure to include a heavy-handed message. Read a couple middle-grade or YA novels so you can get the formula down. All middle-grade novels essentially follow the same template: Nerdy boy/girl moves down south to live with a crotchety aunt/uncle, befriends a local cripple, opens a lemonade stand, accidentally knocks a baby into a well, hits puberty, joins a junior spy league, and learns that Pol Pot wasn’t so cool after all. Get a fart in there somewhere. There’s always a fart or two. As for YA, make sure your main character is raised by a methed-up hillbilly and a preening former beauty queen wh

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I can't believe I'm actually glad to be back writing this annoying blog. Last week, that big jerk Gandork told Mom he was concerned about my stress level, so she came up with the dumb idea to take me to Disney World. That might have been cool ten years ago, but I'm fifteen now. The only good thing was seeing the princesses walking around in their costumes - especially that Pocahontas. Still - everything else was a total disaster.

First of all, Garth and Aunt Celia decided to tag along. Jeez! - If Mom was really interested in wanting me to relax, she should have kept that idiot cousin away from me. I told you, he's got her believing I'm in danger with what he now calls the 'VHC' (the Vampire High Council). I have no clue where he got that one from - another phony Vampire show probably. Anyway - Mom and Garth both thought it was necessary for us to be in disguise.

My bad luck all started at the airport. Those phonies are so prejudiced! They had one of those new x-ray scanner machines that everyone's been screaming about lately. When you step into it, it pretty much shows you naked on a computer screen. I bet you a thousand people went before me without having to walk through it, but once that guard saw my fangs, he ordered me to step into the machine. THAT'S A LOAD OF CRAP, MAN!! I'm talking about VAMPIRE PROFILING!! I swear I saw two hot girls behind the guard pointing and laughing at the screen. It was humiliating!


Then, because they took my bottle of blood with their whole stupid 'no liquids on the plane' rule, I got so hungry on the plane, I ended up ordering a glass of the blood they sell for Vampires. And of course it ended up being Organic Himalayan Yak Blood. I don't need to remind you about my first experience with that. We ended up making an emergency landing and switching planes. I'm glad though - I hope it takes them forever to fumigate their stupid plane!

Finally we got to Orlando and went to the Magic Kingdom, which was completely packed with Christmas coming up and all. I don't know how, but Mom convinced me to get on the "It's a Small World" ride. If you've never rode it, I suggest you stay far, far away from that hell trap. It's like some kind of ancient torture device. We must have waited in line for over an hour, and then once we actually got on the ride, it broke down and were stranded in the middle of it for another hour!!

In case you're lucky enough to have never been on it, basically they have you ride around in this little boat and watch all kinds of little annoying puppet kids sing "It's a Small World" over and over and over again. And if that's not bad enough, then they take you into another country and sing the song a million more times in their language. Then another country ... and well, you get the idea.  We got stuck in China and I must have heard them sing that song in Chinese a billion freekin' times. It completely stressed me out. I'm freaking out now just thinking about it. The melody has been stuck in my head since I got off the ride.

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