Tensions build to an explosive breaking point for a group of automobile drivers in Nate Theis' satirical new short "Driving."

Monotony!

Boredom!

Interstate!

Fortunately, I don’t have to drive the interstate very often anymore. When I find myself stuck between white lines for a long drive, my mind melts into mush and I fantasize about escaping the madness in a flying car. There are two things I’ve always wanted to do while driving on the interstate. First, I’d like to drive through a rest area at full speed and just wave at all the shocked people getting out for a stretch. Second, I’d like to go through a truck weigh station.

Even a dolt like me realizes the first dream is too dangerous and I would never do it. But the second… hmmm.

I found myself so bored on a recent business trip through South Carolina that I thought it might be a good time to check out a weigh station. According to my calculations, I had plenty of time to get to my appointment and I always find South Carolinians to be extraordinarily kind. So when the exit sign appeared for All Trucks to be weighed, I followed a dingy yellow 18-wheeler off the road. I drive a pick-up – which is a truck, after all.

The truck behind me started honking immediately – impatient, I guess. Nearly deafened by his horn, I waited my turn in the line. They go relatively quickly and I was on the scale in no time. When I got there, an angry looking lady in brown was waiting for me.

“You shouldn’t be here,” she called angrily. “Just keep moving.”

“But it said, ‘all trucks’,” I countered with a smile, using my stupid-card, which I keep readily available in my wallet (and an extra copy in the glove box).

“It means big rigs, tractor-trailers…” she yelled in exasperation. “That’s the only thing we weigh here. Just keep moving please.”

I pushed my luck. I was here already, might as well get my money’s worth. “But I’ve been thinking I might have put on a few pounds lately – not exercising and all. Can you weigh me anyway?”

Her sense of humor as drab as her uniform, she was done with me. “Sir, I am a Highway Patrol Officer. If you don’t move along I will deal with you as such.”

“Goodbye, ma’am,” I said as I quickly obeyed.

And there I thought my experiment was over. I thought…

The officer must have been the forgiving type – I didn’t get pulled over for being stupid. However, the trucker behind me with the air horn took exception to my little prank. About two miles down the road, he was close enough to my truck bed to be considered cargo. I started to get nervous, but figured he wouldn’t keep at it too long if I slowed down to obey the posted fifty-five MPH speed limit. I was wrong. In fact, I think they still actually might have one of those CB networks they used in the 70’s to call a convoy.

I say that because within a mile, I looked ahead of me and another truck was going even slower than me. No worries. I started to pass only to find a blue rig to my left going the same speed as the impediment in front. Talked about hemmed in. I was stuck… and going fifty miles per hour all the way through South Carolina. My ‘plenty of time’ evaporated and I nearly missed my meeting entirely. My little prank must have broken some kind of trucker code.

Some stupid ideas should stay just that… as ideas.

The next time I get bored, I’ll stop at Cracker Barrel for a book on tape… and I won’t park anywhere near the big rigs.

Partially packed, but ready to go.

This month my family and I returned from our LONGEST ROAD TRIP EVER. Longest in duration (one month), if not in miles (3,033).

We started from our home base in Rockford, IL and drove through eight states: Illinois, Indiana, Kentucky, Tennessee, N. Carolina, S. Carolina, Georgia, and Florida, stopping in various towns along the way. What were some of the biggest differences between all these states? Well the gas price for one thing: varying by 60 cents, and the temperature: a high of 104 ° F in Georgia and a low 48 ° F in Illinois. Our journey looked like this:

The long and winding road.

Did I mention there are five of us? By the time we were done, as you can imagine, we pretty much had had enough “family time”. There is a phenomenon known as too much vacation. When we finally got home we didn’t even unpack. Instead we separated to our individual rooms.

Although we were glad our trip was over, we did accumulate some great memories along the way. Like when we went to the Driftwood Beach at Jekyl Island. Very hot day, very cool views.

Driftwood Beach, Jekyl Island, GA

And walking the beach while the sun set over the Gulf of Mexico. Phenomenal. I’d honestly never seen sand turn pink before.

Sunset at the beach, St. Petersburg, FL

And of course a trip to Florida is never complete without a jump over to Orlando. For . . . you know . . . Harry.

Hogwarts castle, World of Harry Potter, Universal Studios, Orlando, FL

My enthusiasm at World of Harry Potter easily trumped my kids’. One of my favorite memories was having a woman’s portrait in the Hall of Portraits blink when I took her photograph using my flash.

Hall of Portraits, Hogwarts Castle, World of Harry Potter, Universal Studios, Orlando, FL

On the other hand, one of my youngest daughter’s favorite recollections wasn’t eating at great local restaurants, swimming in dozens of different swimming pools, or exploring southern architecture. Nope. It was rescuing someone’s Barbie from a perilous fate.

Tortured Barbie left at the beach, owner unknown

She (Barbie) is currently in quarantine.

Mad cat photo © Nikolai Nikonov, text added; all other photos © Karin Blaski; route map © mapquest

Annica’s Broom is the first story in the “One Creepy Street” series created by debut children’s book author Lee Jordan. Its message for newly licensed teenage drivers is clear: Don’t text and drive!

We’ve been seeing plenty of headlines this week about how Millennials don’t like cars and don’t want to drive. The auto industry is sweating because Millennials aren’t buying cars at the same rate that Boomers did in their youth, citing... Read the rest of this post

Image by Julie Rashelle. via Flickr

What’s your best DMV story?

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When’s the last time you were driving at 1AM?

It's been hectic recently and my sleep patterns are completely shot, but the good news is that I've completed almost everything (despite procrastinative measures) on my list for the moment, and that I truly enjoyed every moment of my latest drawing, above.

I dug up an old lace-up shoe from the depths of my closet where it was hiding amongst multiplying dust devils, and added a bit of a quirky twist. The idea of the driver dog came to me while I was walking my own two, who would love nothing more than to dash ahead of themselves. The model for the above was my brown Bertha--she was quite happy to pose her profile for the camera :)

Below is a text design for my nephew, hope he likes it!

Dog Driving a Shoe cards & gifts at Floating Lemons at Zazzle

Kaelen cards & gifts at Floating Lemons Typography at Zazzle

It's been hectic recently and my sleep patterns are completely shot, but the good news is that I've completed almost everything (despite procrastinative measures) on my list for the moment, and that I truly enjoyed every moment of my latest drawing, above.

I dug up an old lace-up shoe from the depths of my closet where it was hiding amongst multiplying dust devils, and added a bit of a quirky twist. The idea of the driver dog came to me while I was walking my own two, who love nothing more than to dash ahead of themselves. The model for the above was my brown Bertha--she was quite happy to pose her profile for the camera :)

Below is a text design for my nephew, hope he likes it!

Dog Driving a Shoe cards & gifts at Floating Lemons at Zazzle

Kaelen cards & gifts at Floating Lemons Typography at Zazzle

Today's Author Spotlight is on Erika Stadler, author of In the Driver's Seat: A Girl's Guide to Her First Car a fun and empowering guide book for young women drivers that offers tons of important information, detailed illustrations, lighthearted... Read the rest of this post

An ambulance is racing with lights and sirens through an intersection, have you ever wondered who the person is they are going to save? A firetruck flies down your street, what neighbors house is on fire. A police car is running down the interstate, are they chasing a bank robber or drug dealer.

Is always hard to know. What is really hard to understand though is why people don’t pull over to the side of the road and let them by. Are we to busy and think oh it doesn’t take but two seconds to pull in front of the emergency vehicle so I can make it to my appointment sooner. People it only takes two seconds to pull over and safely let them by.

Many people don’t think about it, do you? With cell phones, radios blaring so the dead can hear it as well as just being stupid and not thinking are we putting our own families in danger? Has anyone ever put any thought to who is the victim? Could it be your mother having a heart attack, your uncle’s house on fire or your children needing to be saved at the site of a hit and run? Perhaps we need to think as a person like this instead of how late you may be for pulling over.

So next time you hear an emergency vehicle around or see one in your rear view mirror take the time to pull over, the person you save could be yourself or one of your loved ones.

For those who spend a lot of times on the road, watch out for these strange and funny road signs. This signs can make you share a smile or get you in a serious rage.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/andryone/120278573/

Wifey: There’s something wrong with that sign?

Hubby: No need to panic dear, I’m a leftie, so I’m not easily rattled by this tricky sign.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/celebdu/291322346/

Wifey: Careful dear and be sure to shift to a lower gear, unexpected road ahead.

Hubby: Keep cool love, its but normal for drivers to “expect the unexpected.”

http://www.flickr.com/photos/31332178@N02/3558765359/

Wifey: Is he waiving his hands?

Hubby: Nope! He’s just telling you to shut up.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/rileyroxx/224646430/

Wifey: The spelling is wrong…

Hubby: That’s the result of limited education budget.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cobblucas/3254137914/

Wifey: Oh my Gosh! I don’t want to die yet.

Hubby: Don’t you worry dear, there’s a hospital, a church and a cemetery right after we crossed the sign.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/emilymills/3586292198/

Wifey: Poor town, nobody bothered to give it a name.

Hubby: That’s great, we have discovered a land and will call it Bonie and Clyde town.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/e1/Road_Sign_Penguins_Crossing_NZ.jpg

Wifey: Are we in Antartica?

Hubby: No wonder dear that you get a “C” grade in Biology.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/4/47/Auction_mart_sign.jpg

Wifey: Go straight ahead! 

Hubby: Sure, but I’ll drop you by at the intersection, so you can take the left road and have the time to visit your friends.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/5/5b/Noparking-parkway.jpg

Wifey! I can’t see no parkway.

Hubby: Look at the sky. it’s a bird, its a plane, no its a parkway.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/xq311z/2468778959/

Wifey: What’s the sign indicates?

Hubby: there’s an amusement park ahead and they’re promoting the “roller coaster” ride.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/xq311z/2468769929/

Wifey: I thought, we only have to fasten our seatbelt, now they’re ordering us to wear helmets.

Hubby: Oh dear, we’re lost, this is not the way to Alabama, Its the Tour de France!

http://eightsolid.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/41.jpg

Wifey: The sign says, No left and right turn, you mean to say we have to drive straight ahead and ramped that green house.

Hubby: Shut up dear, no problem, today is Saturday.

http://eightsolid.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/8.jpg

Wifey: Which way would we take? 

Hubby: I guess it would be thrilling, if we take the slippery road.

http://eightsolid.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/which-way-can-i-go.jpg

Wifey: I told you to take the Inter-state highway. Now we’re in for a big headache.

Hubby: Don’t you worry dear, I saw no police officer so we can take whichever way we like.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/rileyroxx/151985627/

Wifey: Oh! that was a cute road sign. 

Hubby: It would be nicer, if the old lady is the one guiding the old man..

http://www.flickr.com/photos/dobrych/3038370930/

Wifey: See, the authorities are really concern with the pedestrian and motorists safety. This where our taxes go.

Hubby: Are they not digging for golds?

Needs Pain Pills

http://www.flickr.com/photos/bewareofdog/102196992/

Wifey: That’s a noble way to seek a lost dog.

Hubby: I agree, dog is man’s best friend.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/foraggio/386013177/

Wifey: Another of those mispelled words.

Hubby: No dear, you got it wrong, the arrow is pointing the right way..

http://www.flickr.com/photos/doctorow/3289451389/

Wifey: Is it okay dear, if we chip-in ten dollars for the foods.

Hubby: Just be sure to get a receipt!

My first car! Okay, so it belonged to my mom & dad. And, no, neither one of those men are my dad. I just didn't have a decent picture of the real thing...okay??

"Use the clutch!" Words that still echo in my ear coming from Mr. Cato, my high school driver's ed instructor.

Clutch? I don't see no stinkin' clutch! Which is probably why the "training" car with the manual (on the steering column back then) transmission died halfway up the steep Southern Indiana hill. (In case you're unfamiliar with the terrain, the southern part of the state is known for rolling hills and valleys.)

"Put on the brake," he said, through clenched teeth. (Mr. Cato had virtues. Patience was not one)

Note 1: He was also the varsity basketball coach, known for ripping off his sports jacket and hurling it to the sidelines within 10 seconds of the start of the game.

"Now, ease out on the clutch as you push down on the gas pedal."

Clunk! Clunk! Sputter! Sputter...die....

(Sigh) "Put on the brake...again. Ease up on the clutch and give the car some GAS!!"

"Yes sir." I gulp, glancing sideways toward the passenger seat. Whew. Mr Cato is in a short sleeve shirt. No jacket to hurl toward me.

Meanwhile, Jimmy, Pat and Crissy were in the back seat, laughing hysterically...which wasn't helping my concentration. I shot them a dirty look, which brought on more laughter and a couple of snorts.

Finally! I made it up that hill, only to encounter another steeper climb on the other side. I exhaled. Can I possibly make it up a second hill? But, then it came to me. More speed! No need to use the clutch. This driving thing won't get the best of me!

I floored it! Up that hill, down another and up the next. Yep, I'm getting the hang of this.

Mr. Cato's death grip on the dash and silence from the back seat, said it all.

Note 2: Don't try this at home! Back in my day, the roads were practically empty and we had all the real estate in two counties to practice our driving skills. And, in case you're interested, here's a real picture of my first car! In black and white because we didn't take color Polaroids in the "olden days." F-85, red (see pic at top) and white Oldsmobile with red bucket seats, and automatic transmission.

Discover the Magic in Cynthia's Attic

Mary Cunningham Books

Ammon Shea recently spent a year of his life reading the OED from start to finish. Over the next few months he will be posting weekly blogs about the insights, gems, and thoughts on language that came from this experience. His book, Reading the OED, will be published by Perigee in July. In the post below Ammon, an expert dictionary reader, reflects on rain.

My girlfriend Alix and I are driving across the country, as people are occasionally wont to do. I know that this particularly American rite of passage is not uncommon but it is one that I have never completed. And so even though we are not in fact driving all the way across I am nonetheless quite excited.

The weather is quite excited as well, and it chooses to make apparent this excitement by raining almost continuously as we’ve driven south and west. I love the rain, and mind its on and off-again exuberance not at all. Each fresh storm that we drive into reminds me of just how sodden English is with its own words for rain.

There are small clutches of largely archaic Scottish words that can describe a different kind of rain, and can be so much more specific than simply relying on drizzle/rain/downpour. There are words such as blirts (’a short dash of rain coming with a gust of wind’), bracks (’a sudden heavy fall of rain’), and driffle (’to rain fitfully…as at the “tail” of a shower’).

There are words for things that have been wet with rain (impluvious), and words that can describe the drip of your clothes when you’ve gotten soaked (platch).

Driving down the highway there is evidence of the rain everywhere, even in those few intervals between showers (also know as hot gleams). The clouds ahead that are dark and ponderous are imbriferous (rain-bringing) and the cars that approach on the other side of the highway and have just passed out of a storm of their own are bedrabbled (made wet or dirty with rain and mud).

There are rain words whose main function is not to describe something, but rather to arouse a vocabularian sense of whimsy, such as hyetal (of or belonging to rain).

I am sure that has hyetal many fine technical uses, but whenever I think of it I simply wonder what sort of things belong to the rain and if the rain ever gets tired of owning them.

My favorite world for rain is the one that comes to mind when we take advantage of a pluvial lull, and stop driving. When we get out of the car the smell of freshly fallen rain rising off the sidewalk and the word that describes this smell inextricably link themselves in my brain–petrichor–and I cannot tell if the word makes me like the smell or the smell makes me like the word or if it matters at all.

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Just a couple of driving drawings. Obviously, I wasn't drawing whilst driving. That would just be dangerous. Although, it would be quite a skill. The car is a good place to draw for the shy. I absolutely cannot draw out in public, so the car is the closest I get to drawing outdoors. I have tried drawing al fresco and I hated it. I am just too uncomfortable with it. I am British, after all. I'm far too self conscious. And a recluse. Hey, we all have our own neurosis.

and yes, I'm in the passenger seat.



"These two lanes will take us anywhere..."
Where I'm Coming From, what it feels like to leave the city behind and "stumble" towards the outskirts of town. Driving out of New York, driving home and into the arms of Long Island, kicking off my shoes and letting go...

My very first YouTube upload.


Pinch me. I feel as if I discovered electricity.
I YouTubed myself and.. it worked.
"Mr. Watson! Come here!"

It's Newbery/Caldecott announcement morning. Life's about to change for a few of you out there. I suspect you're not sleeping either. ;>



p.s. January 14th. Happy Birthday to my cousin David... wherever you are

and I just ate waaaaay too many treats!



I did a Costco run (as well as Walmart and Petco). I'm a glutton for punishment.

I hit Costco at just the right time ~ LUNCH. They had every single food demo person they employ handing out goodies. And I think I tried them all.

(And at Costco there is no rhyme or reason to the order in which the samples are presented: there can be meat, then ice cream, then chips, then something hot and spicy, then cake, then yogurt, etc.)

Today I had bits of the following, in approximately this order:
a meat in a pocket sort of thing, an Italian style meatball, a chip with spinach dip, a brownie with whipped cream, a turkey sausage, some tomato pesto and cream cheese wrapped in a tortilla, a chocolate cupcake, something with curry, some savory meaty gooey hors d'oeuvres thing on bread, another mysterious meaty something in a pocket, a creamy fancy French cheese on bread, and red velvet cake. I passed on the bacon guy because he was shouting "BACON! COSTCO BACON! READY TO EAT JUST HEAT IT UP! BACON!" and he kind of put me off. I mean c'mon, there's no need for yelling. And I know what bacon tastes like, thank you.

So between all my stops today I was inspired to come up with new lyrics to the old 12 Days of Christmas song. Feel free to sing along~
(I will skip all the endless verses and just cut to the chase)

On the 12th day of Christmas, my VISA gave to me~
12 turkey burgers
Too much toilet paper
Lots of coffee filters
9 pounds of coffee
8 printer ink things
7 pounds of crunchies
Chicken pasta salad
Fiiiive ping pong baaalllllssss
4 kitty treats
3 bags of litter
2 loaves of bread
And a cat climbing furniture thingggggg!

The last of which is still in the back seat of the car. I have to figure out how to sneak it into the house without them seeing it. I think I have a plan. If I get out the vacuum cleaner they'll all go outside, so if I act fast I can drag the thing in and hide it in the hall closet. Wish me luck... Read the rest of this post

She decided to change her plan and spent her allowance on a treat instead!
Michelle Lana